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ASK VANAE FRIDAE
Q. I got this girl’s number a few weeks ago and asked her to hang out. We were suppose to go to dinner on a Saturday but she texted me that day, saying she couldn’t go because she had to do something with her family. We rescheduled for the next week, and she flaked out again. What should i do?
Flaked on
A. Dear Flaked on,
I don’t know about you but…I don’t tolerate flakes.
I believe in the ‘1 ping’, meaning that you call once or let a person reschedule once (if they have a good reason). Don’t do the multiple calls/texts if you didn’t hear back the first time. Or keep rescheduling on confirmed dates! Your time is more valuable than to deal with that!
If a person was truly interested, s/he would be excited to hang out and even initiate the next date. So my advice is, when she can’t make it for the 2nd time, tell her “Look, I’m respectful of your time. I’m going to be busy for the next week. When you want to hangout, let me know and I’ll see if I’m free.”
This will stop her in her tracks, show your confidence and value your time! People will work for what they want. This applies to guy flakers too. Remember: You’re hot commodity. Don’t let people waste your time. When they do, walk away.
Vanae’s tip of the dae: 1 ping and they’re out! If that person is interested, they’ll put in equal amount, if not more, effort to hangout.
V’stars, what do you think?
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I love being flaked on.. In fact I bathe in flakes. In fact I even write a flake song the last time I was flaked on:
FLAKE on me, when I am not fun
and I’ll be your flake, tag along!
Flake on me, on a flake-a-thon
and I’ll be right here, writing this song.
Flake one me, b#t%h I’ll tell your mom
And I’ll tell your dad, you’ve got a dong!
Flake on me, I’ve been waiting so long
Maybe I’ll read or hit the bong….
You’re special cuz you’ve never flaked on me, so i dedicate this song to all the other “ho-bag. make me wait bitches” out there!
you’re such a spaz, PRAZ! my V’stars are going to read this and think you’re such a douchebag doof.
hey, you owe me dinner. when we hanging, yo?
Yeah when someone’s flakey it doesn’t set a good precedent and it shows a lack of respect. But if you’re politely assertive and let them know what is and isn’t acceptable you’ll quickly gain it. If they don’t like it then they’re not worth being with anyway!
Time is money. There are so many others out there who would love to spend time with a person. Increase your value and move on. Never make yourself too available. I even make sure that people get use to hearing the voicemail, every once in a while, so that they know my time is valuable and I am not accessiable all the time, even if I want to really talk to them.
exactly!
good post as always ! keep it up V !
thanks shady
Wow I really identify with this… getting flaked on seems to be my sad story. Totally sucks when you get left hanging like that. Good advice Vanae, I should probably use it for myself… LOL
Dear Vanae:
I guess you can call me pathetic: because I have a “friend” who is really attractive for our age group, (40+); younger guys would call her a MILF so they hit on her all the time. And who wouldn’t, she’s the Demi Moore type; she hasn’t let her body go all to pot, doesn’t have the deep crow’s feet, wrinkles, laugh lines, or the bitter all men are assholes attitude that comes along with those things, like most of the women I know in our age. She’s young at heart like me, we have a hell of a lot of fun when were together, but flakes out on me all the time too.
The thing that drives me crazy is she’ll call back apologize, go into this spiel about how she should make more time for her friends, she’ll arrange another date, show up, we’ll have a great time. I get all excited, arrange another date and sure as s#!t, she’ll flake out again. I must have really have hella low self esteem, cuz I’ve been putting up with this S#!t for 3 years now. I tried to move on; heck, I even stopped calling her for several months. But she’ll call again out of the blue and I take the bait every time.
This really sucks, and I’m tired of being her “spare tire”. But the thing is, I’m not very confident, I don’t have washboard abs, nor am I rich. I’m just an average guy, so the hot chicks tend to blow me off at first glance, and women OLD enough, or LOOK old enough to be MY mother hit on me. What should I do?
You are not pathetic. You know, I went through the same thing with someone for the past few months. One day I say, that’s it, erase her number from my contact list, and the next day she comes back all doe eyed and I take her back, and her excuses as well.
The next day,bam,she’s texting me saying she can’t show up for a “date” etc. As you say, I’m tired of being a spare tire, or a convenient filler in her schedule – Vanae, I liked your opinion on this matter. I’ll let her know she can get back to me if she wants to, but I’m going to be busy for a while with other things….let’s just hope I truly have other things to fill my time with.
Good Luck
@Anon,
Dude well said!
I’d rather celebrate celibacy or hang out with my 5 sisters than spend attention on bad attitude bunny broilers.
V,
more help, on how we root out the nice chill ladies
linky…^^
Consistent flaking out is a sign of indecisiveness. I actually have a 0 ping rule, and my friends think it egotistical of me to have it. I don’t really care. You flake out on me, ball’s in your court. You tell me when you’re free and want to hang out. Otherwise, I’m moving on. It’s probably because of the industry I work in too. I work the show industry as an event manager and coordinator, and there’s nothing I hate more than last minute changes. I’m not cocky, I just have a really busy schedule. Probably explains why I’m still single LOL.
whoa how did my picture pop up?
ha. i totally feel you.
even with my business life, i think it’s highly unprofessional when people don’t call at the right time for meetings, or esp flake out on meetings. unpro.
i think everyone should have that high regard for their time. =)
V
i’ve never really been able to express this before
but thanks to vanae.com (and vanae, herself) i am =)
i would like to believe that i know myself very well
but when it comes to girls i’m as lost as can be
i slouch and my walk’s apprehensive
finally i found an interesting girl and
mustered up what it took to initiate to the first step
i straightened my back and got my swagger on (kinda)
in the end, i got her number but to no avail
i received one too many excuses, one too many rescheduled dates
it took awhile, but the truth really does hurt
do you think it would really change the outcome?
if she knew what i had to go through to talk to her
i thought about it and i think it’s no
if it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be
i’ll move on from this and go fishing again
hopefully sooner than later
vanae, your words of wisdom are very inspiring
you’ve allowed me to reevaluate the situation and
learn from it even more
LOL Flake on a bill and there goes your financial credit… Flake on MY time, there goes any personal credit.
..Just a thought..
I LIKE THAT!
(might have to use it sometime). i’ll credit yah
Only once have i let a girl get away with constant flaking, and that was because i was head over heels into her. Anyway long story short, her ego got so pumped up that she could have been my spare tyre. To this day still don’t understand why she flaked when she created all the attraction between us, maybe just to get that inflated ego. Don’t know.
p.s. how/where do i submit these kinda questions in order for V to answer??
Sadly I’ve found myself at a point where i’ve a number of messages only to find out she flaked on me. As much as you want to try and see if she’ll pick up if you call her again try and restrain yourself. Showing time value goes a long way. Gah it really does suck when a date bails last second though.
Time is money, so make sure you’re not wasting both.
Hi Vanae
I’ve just seen a video of you on Youtube and I think you are great! (it was the one about gaining confidence) you are doing a fantastic thing helping strangers out, I’ve subscribed to you and I thought I’d check out your website too.
Lexi
xxxxx