Here’s a great activity from Higher Awareness, that I’d like for you to participate. It’s good to know what you’ve been carrying since childhood because it formulates into expectations and has an impact in your relationship. Let’s open and explore together.
“In exploring the enneagram, Riso and Hudson have identified ‘lost messages’ that we needed to hear as children but didn’t. The absence of these words may be at the heart of our most basic fear. And unconsciously we may still be seeking to hear these words from others.
Review the following messages and note if any one touches you more strongly than the others:
1. “You are good.”
2. “You are wanted.”
3. “You are loved for yourself.”
4. “You are seen for who you are.”
5. “Your needs are not a problem.”
6. “You are safe.”
7. “You will be taken care of.”
8. “You will not be betrayed.”
9. “Your presence matters.”
One of these really stood out for me and it helped me realize what’s important to me. I chose #6, ‘you are safe’ and it’s a reflection of my childhood and type of comfort I’m seeking in my significant other. Which one did you choose? and What did you realize?
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Sometimes, it can be just a simple line or phrase that sums it all up. Take time to reflect and be concise of where you are and what comforts you.
If this were a conversation, this would be where I come off like an asshole. With the exception of number 6, all these phrases are about approval, & opinion. Like you said, they stem from the childhood/parent relationship, or, that is were they begin. I don’t need someone to support &/or agree with the fact that I am a great person. One of the ways you can tell that a person is confident, is when you tell them something they already know, & they get annoyed.
I would say number 4 catches my attention the most. Not because I am seen for who I am, but that I am usually not seen for who I am. That’s is O.K. I make it that way for a reason. When people develop, &/or express an opinion about me, I use my self as a gage to determine the type of person they are.
I believe I have some issues with all, but not one stands out or speaks to me inn particular.
I would say, “Your presence matters”. To know you are helpful to others I think is a great validation and compliment.
At first #9 got me. I’m not sure why.. But after readying Keith comment, I realize #4 is what i truely need. Simply because I’ve been seen for the look, more than being seen for my own personality.
Thanks Vanae
#2, I’ve bounced around many different social circles throughout my life with my dad being in the navy and moving a lot, guess sometimes not being a staple invitee would often get to me.
“You are wanted.” Most of these actually made me cry *chuckles* I lived with just my mom. She was a young mother. She made sure I had clothes on my back, that I was fed, that I went to school. But she spent the rest of the time looking for the man of her dreams than being there for me emotionally. At all. Because of this I have issues with saying the words “I love you.” Since I never heard it, its been drilled into me that its reserved ONLY for someone truly amazing who you are in love with. I’m working on this.
for me #2 for sure , I really need to feel wanted ,it touched my heart .
my family already give me #9 although our relationship with each other is not that good
I don’t see the point deluding myself when things are not true
http://www.landmarkeducation.com/
I chose number 8. This is a big one for me because I was betrayed once by someone I thought cared about me.