I’m having a blast in LA, thanks to my LA peeps (Heavenly & Mikey!). So this is the first part of SEXtalk with the funny & awesome Skyy John.
What are your thoughts on this topic?
Q: HI. When u have your first time experimenting with sex, does it really hurt ??? and what are the consequences because my boyfriend asked me if i was ready but i am not sure what to tell him so can u help me please.
A: Hey girl, thanks for reaching out and opening up. I think your question and curiosity is a smart one. Shows that you’re asking and thinking through before just doing it. The first time having sex is a special moment that everyone always remembers. My first time:
A light lit room, with my high school boyfriend facing me and kissing me with reassurance. It was very memorable because tt was a mixture of excitement, scary, pain, pleasure, closeness, nervousness. Most importantly, we both truly cared for each other, we were both ready and we talked about it beforehand.
With the first partner, females tend to get emotionally attached and ‘fall in love’ with the person they lose their virginity to. Make sure you ask yourself if this is person you want to share this specialness with. Yes, sex for the first time can hurt and you need to make sure that you’re truly ready and comfortable. If you have any doubts that you’re ready, then that’s a sign that you’re probably not ready. Before you have sex:
1. Please yourself, not your bf
The decision to have sex should never be to please your bf. Your decision should be based on if YOU’RE ready and if this is what YOU want. It’s all about you! Be honest with your bf on how you feel about it. If he cares for you, he should understand and there should be open communication.
2. Consequences
Please think about pregnancy, STIs, and emotional attachment as these are the consequences of having sex. Talk to your partner getting tested (if he’s not a virgin) and these consquences because these can change your life. To avoid pregnancy and STIs (sexually transmitted infections), use condoms. You can look online for information on how to use condoms correctly.
3. More questions?
Talk to friends and parents, if possible, to get better perspective on readiness. If you have further questions about consequences or sex-related, contact your local Planned Parenthood clinic or your family physician.
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Be ready when you are. When you make decisions because you’re truly ready, makes the experience richer.
Many of you have been asking me ‘How do I get your E’book: Fuck Her, Fuck Him?’. Simple! You can pre-order it for $15 by submitting payment through my paypal (vanaetran@gmail.com).
I’ve decided to add more chapters to the E’book so it’s going to be released a bit later. It’s going to be well-worth it!!
Here’s my newest Vanae.com Show episode on:
Declaring 2009 as YEAR OF YOU
Women, Sexuality & Respect
In the last 2 weeks, you’ve been requesting this topic: ‘Should I go for my friend’s ex?’. This is very tricky area! Personally, I don’t believe in sloppy seconds and plus my girlfriends and I have very different taste in men. Hence, I will never venture into jeopardizing my friendship with any of my girlfriends. Love interests are a dime in a dozen!
You wouldn’t want to jeopardize your friendship. Let me tell yah…most people you are/will be interested in are not worth messing up your friendship… UNLESS you truly believe he/she is really THE ONE.
Here’s what you do:
1. Weigh out the consequences. How close are you with that friend? Is it worth it? If so…
2. Out of respect: Talk to your friend about how she/he feels about you dating their ex
3. Once you get ‘approval’, then go for it!
4. Keep in mind, that even if your friend gives the green light, that doesn’t mean your interest will reciprocate the feelings
What do you think? Have you dated a friend’s ex?
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Friendships (especially close friendships), lasts a lot longer than love interests! So give it much thought and consideration and be sure to talk to your friend before charting in nasty territory!
You’re laying in bed next to her. You glance at her plump lips and now, you’re getting aroused. YOU WANT HER. She looks at you and makes eye contact. Then she tells you…”I’m not in the mood”.
WTH!
I recently received this email:
“Dear Vanae,
I love you on your site and youtube!
Me: 29 Male NYC. I am married, unhappily so. We both have 2 totally different sex drives. I want it all the time, while she is happy with once a month quickie. She also likes to play dead a lot in bed. What I want to know from you is should this be a deal breaker? Or stay comfortable and unhappy…since a woman with a high drive like mine may cheat!
My friends tell me to find a lover…a single woman who does not care or a married/attached woman who is in the same situation.
I have not been single in years…don;t even remember how to be single lol
I need your view PLEASE!”
Dear Sexless in the city,
Seriously, you DO NOT want to cheat on your wife. Trust me, extra-marital affairs just makes things really fucked up. Not only that, if you think you’re not getting sex from your wife now..wait til she finds out that you cheated.
Intimacy, romance and sex are very key to keep a passionate relationship. Make your marriage and sex life work by tackling the root. Find out answers to these questions:
Did she have a lower sex drive before getting married?
Is it an issue of her being tired? bored? insecure? lack of attraction?
Knowing the answers to these will be a good starting point to addressing this. In the meanwhile, communicate with her! In general, tell her that intimacy makes you feel closer to her. Give her verbal compliments. Most of all, talk to her about it and let her know that you want to make your romance/intimacy better.
Growing up in a Vietnamese family, we rarely had turkey for Thanksgiving. Instead, my mom would bust out my favorite Vietnamese dishes and lots of seafood. Personally, I prefer seafood over turkey ANYDAY! This year, my mum made fantastic lobster, banh xeo (vietnamese crepe), and steak. Yummified.
Here’s a photo of my mum’s lobster creation. Yes, it was as good as it looks.
My mum makes the best food!
In spirit of Thanksgiving, I want to see pictures or hear about your non/traditional foods and activities you do with your family!
Here’s a sexy track for your holiday time and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Vanae’s album of the week: KINGS OF LEON! Sex and passion so good that it burns into your mind. This track ‘sex on fire’ is HOT! So is the rest of the album. If you haven’t gotten it, what are you waiting for? To hear more of Kings of Leon, click
The highlight of my day is receiving this surprise promo video that ERIC created for me and my v’book, Fuck Her, Fuck Him. Such a great video that captures the raw energy and the essence of goodness.
