Recently, Zoosk.com interviewed me and asked me to share dating tips for their community. I had a great time at their headquarters in SF and got the grand tour! Fun hanging out with Juliette there. Below is our video shoot (dating tips for women- asking men out on dates & online dating). Enjoy!
I’ve seen thousands of dating profiles and helped my clients craft effective profiles that make them stand out, reflect their personalities and get more results.
The constant complaint I hear from men is that they do all the work on online dating with initiating, yet they don’t get the response they want. And women complain that they are not getting contacted by quality guys.
Let me tell yah…most of the time, when I check their profile, it’s because they are making one or more major mistakes on their dating profile! No wonder why they are not getting any responses from the people they want! So let me break it down to you, the Top 3 mistakes that you should avoid for your profile:
BIG mistake #1: Bad Photos
Now, we all know how important photos are for the profile. Because when was the last time you clicked on a bad or ugly photo? Right, you wouldn’t even spend the second, let alone the day, to write or reply to some photo that you weren’t attracted to. Then how come people are not putting up good photos??
The truth is, females may take only 3-5 seconds to take a look at your photo and then decide if should read the rest of your description. Because hey, we’ve got a lot of messages to get through. And even though guys are bit more forgiving and are opportunists, they are more visual creatures so you have to have good photos!
So here comes the photos tips: For men: I know, I know…you don’t take a lot of photos but for this, just invest a little bit of time for good photos. Everyone needs a few good photos.
*Don’t post photos of you in a tanktop or worst….shirtless. Comes off creepy.
*Don’t flex your biceps or show us your back muscles. It’s pompous and will de-tract us in a heartbeat.
*Don’t post photos with a female in the picture (it makes us wonder if that’s your ex. It’s tacky)
*Don’t post photos next to your big house or fancy sports car. Again, that comes off as pompous.
For women: I know we are really great at taking photos. Heck, we got COLLECTIONS of photos on our computer. But let me share which type of photos you shouldn’t post:
* Don’t post photos that are more than 2 years old.
* Don’t post photos which you were 20 lbs skinnier.
* Don’t post photos revealing your cleavage because that just sends guys the wrong message (unless you’re aiming for that invitation on Adult Friend Finder).
* Don’t post just one photo. People like to see different angles and variation.
Alright, I’ve shared some great photos tips with you. If you want to get great photos taken of you and learn the DOs of profile photos, come to my Dating Profile Makeover Workshop on 1/31.
Okae, onwards to BIG mistake #2: Not writing enough
This is the thing, if we’re reading your profile and it looks like you didn’t spend any time on presenting yourself, then why would we invest time in you? Think of it like it’s your resume, except this is a lot more fun and you’ll get dates out of it. Now, you would put in some effort to present yourself well in your resume right? Same thing with your dating profile. Take time to reflect on ‘who you really are’, ‘what makes you unique’.
BIG mistake #3: Lack of your personality
Okae, among the among the vast sea of profiles, there’s yours. But does your profile reflect your unique personality? Because that is what will hook the person into replying. You gotta think of your dating profile as your resume. Employers get thousands of resumes and if your resume isn’t unique or highlighting great qualifications, it gets tossed to the recycle bin (since we’re eco-friendly here).
So here are a couple of tips:
* Write in your personal voice, as if you’re blogging. When people come across your profile, they want to relate/connect to some part of you beyond the 2 dimensional page. So write in your human voice.
* What specific details I can share? Because you can tell the difference between ‘I love to play golf’ vs. ‘My shining time is when I’m on the grass with my golf club”
So, my question to you is…how will you stand out?
With the tips from this article, that should give you a great start. To get great photos of yourself and work on a killer dating profile, then come to my workshop on 1/31. We’ll take great photos of you and you’ll get special hands-on work on your profile.
If you’re interested in the video of this workshop, please contact me.
In the last 2 weeks, you’ve been requesting this topic: ‘Should I go for my friend’s ex?’. This is very tricky area! Personally, I don’t believe in sloppy seconds and plus my girlfriends and I have very different taste in men. Hence, I will never venture into jeopardizing my friendship with any of my girlfriends. Love interests are a dime in a dozen!
You wouldn’t want to jeopardize your friendship. Let me tell yah…most people you are/will be interested in are not worth messing up your friendship… UNLESS you truly believe he/she is really THE ONE.
Here’s what you do:
1. Weigh out the consequences. How close are you with that friend? Is it worth it? If so…
2. Out of respect: Talk to your friend about how she/he feels about you dating their ex
3. Once you get ‘approval’, then go for it!
4. Keep in mind, that even if your friend gives the green light, that doesn’t mean your interest will reciprocate the feelings
What do you think? Have you dated a friend’s ex?
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Friendships (especially close friendships), lasts a lot longer than love interests! So give it much thought and consideration and be sure to talk to your friend before charting in nasty territory!
I’m definitely not talking about rich-money wise! I’m talking about rich in life! Rich in experience and travels!
The more enriched you are with life and it’s goodness, the more you can share, build interesting stories and relate to people. It’ll bring this aura about you…Most importantly, it’s for yourself, so:
1. TRAVEL
I find global people, very intriguing because of their capacity to understand people and thirst for adventure. There’s so many amazing cultures and experiences waiting for you. GO FOR IT!
2. INDULGE IN HOBBIES
Not only does this give you a balance to your life of work and play, but it’s a healthy outlet. Having fun hobbies also reflect who you are and she/he would love to hear all about it!
3. VOLUNTEER
Give yourself. This is a sure way to fill your life up with more meaning and connect with people. Your compassion will lead your heart in the right direction.
4. LAUGH
Take yourself lightly and laugh. Go to comedy clubs. Reminisce great memories with friends. Watch Dave Chappelle’s ‘Killing Them Softly’. Visit failblog.org. Laugh at the simple little things
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Live a rich life because happiness and depth is priceless. Go beyond your boundaries and absorb as much life as possible! I know I did, when I completed my marathon this past Sunday in Honolulu. All the people who stood in the rain at 6am to cheer us on! All the costumes that the marathoners were wearing. The 10 year old sons who ran along the side of mom and dad in the race. Most of all, pursuing and completing one of my life goals with all my loved ones and memories as fuel to the finish line.
The final video of the series: Ultimate guide to Online Dating. Giving the fresh on how to score dates by writing great messages and ask her/him out on a date!
