An expectation that comes up often during our checklist of suitor’s qualities is…perfection. Will this person meet 10 out of 10 qualities you look for? Highly unlikely.
See,
He or she doesn’t need to be perfect.
How you approach her doesn’t need to be perfect.
What you say to him doesn’t need to be perfect.
Life doesn’t need to be perfect.
YOU don’t need to be perfect.
Your ability to grow and evolve as a more conscious/ compassionate/ developed human being, THAT is perfect. So this reminds me of this DailyOM article: SETTING YOURSELF FREE
“When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.
This doesn’t mean that we don’t strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection—especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.
In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood—an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else’s approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent to being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.”
This is something I often remind myself when I’m getting into the perfectionist mode. “It’s OK, being flexible, shedding and gaining new layers..that is where it’s really at. Doesn’t need to be perfect.”
Q. I broke up with my gf of 4 years a couple weeks ago – things just didn’t work out…I kinda did a lot of what you mentioned, researched some sites and landed on Match…I’ve never ‘paid’ for an online dating site, I admit I’m a little reluctant. But it appears to be the only way to really start communicating with this girl. I understand you know more about this stuff, so the big question is: should I check it out? Have you found dating sites to be really worth it?
A. YES, GO FOR IT! As applied to most situations…YOU WON’T KNOW IF IT’S WORTH IT UNTIL YOU TRY IT. and trust me, the experience is always worth it in itself!
Your girl is talking from the success of my close couple friends who met online and my own personal experience (used dating sites for years!) =
Met wonderful people and some ‘not as wonderful’
Some developed into relationships, whether short-lived or long term
Some remained as great friends today
A few crazy date stories…(Like that one time…aha! if you’re good, I might share)
but MANY great memories.
So dating sites are a great way of meeting people, hence, I’m a big advocate. Now of course, meeting people from online is similar to meeting people in real life. It’s a process of initiating, getting to know people, some will be matches..some aren’t. Filtering: since it’s online, it’s easier for you to filter and narrow down to people you’re compatible with. So don’t worry about the ‘how do I know this person is not a robot behind a screen?’ or ‘What if I’m not attracted to them in real life?’
DIVE IN!
Due to mucho requests, I’m doing a review on different dating sites on the Vanae.com show this weekend!
On a personal awareness level:
Usually when you’re reluctant about anything, you need to ask yourself and understand ‘What’s limiting me?”
If it’s money…it’s worth the moolala to invest in experiences! You get to practice, trials and errors, meeting new people but ultimately…a potential significant other.
If it’s fear of rejection…take the ‘It’s OK’ approach when dealing with EGO so you kick that badboy to the curb. No need for ego. Not everyone is going to be your match and that’s ok. I’m sure you’ve been in the other shoes and turned people down before. Vanae’s tip of the dae: Many fishes in the sea, so don’t let 1 or 2 stop you from exploring what the beautiful ocean has to offer.
If it’s not knowing how to write a great profile or how to write to people…I totally got you covered! Here’s my video series A-Z on online dating…and if you want consulting on creating a killer profile, email me ayvanae@gmail.com
This is the first part of my video series, Ultimate Guide to Online Dating, where I demystify online dating and give you the advantage to set you apart from others. Email me ayvanae@gmail.com if you want help for a killer profile and get you some dates! I recommend browsing these online dating sites:
Starting this weekend, I’m going to do a video series on Online Dating:
A. Why you should
B. Which dating sites to check out
C. Create the eye-catching profile and photos
D. Communicating
E. Moving from the web to real dates
F. Do’s and Don’ts
