I’ve been feeling really really depressed for months. It’s like my life just isn’t going the way I planned. It just seems like every time I try to be happy I end up with some kind of disappointment. I’m tired of feeling like a total failure at everything. I’ve been rejected by every college that I’ve applied to. My grades are slipping so far. I feel like no one understands me and I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not good enough all the time. I’m tired of being so shy all the time. Sometimes I just wish I had more courage to go and talk to other people. I’m just feeling alone right now, like no one cares about me and pretty much the only time I feel truly happy is when I’m writing. I just feel like I’m completely hopeless. Everyone always sees me as being this really shy girl. I just hate being labeled but it’s true. I’m so sorry I wasted your time but I just don’t feel like I have any place to turn to.
Feeling Down
A. Dear Feeling Down,
I appreciate you opening up to me. I remember going through the ups and downs of being a teenager. Sometimes it feels as if the world puts all its weight on your shoulders and gets heavier with each unfavorable event. As adults, we’ve all conquered obstacles and become who we are today. So remember that your growing pains during this time in temporary. Accept them and do the switch-a-roo on it to turn it into a more positive, evolving-you process.
I’ve written in the past, ‘YOU are the driver’, meaning you can always change the direction of where you’re going..where your life is turning. If you’re sick of how things are, you have the power to do something about it! Understand what’s weighing you down and unblock what’s holding you back from being happier. So don’t focus on the negative….don’t look at the bright side but DRIVE YOURSELF TO THE BRIGHT SIDE!
Here are ways to feel better about yourself:
1. Ask yourself for deeper understanding
a. When did you start feeling down? What’s causing it?
b. How come you feel as though you’re not good enough?
c. Did someone set-up this ‘good enough’ standard or is it yourself?
d. What can you do to feel like a winner?
2. TAKE ACTION! Do what makes you happy
If you don’t like the way things are, CHANGE IT! You always have the power to change yourself. If you don’t want people to think you’re shy, then be more social! People won’t know how great you are until you talk to them. Thank goodness for the internet, there’s tons of resources (including mine) of how to build your self-esteem. If writing makes you happy, then write more. If traveling makes you feel complete, then you know what you should do.
3. Appreciate your strengths
Don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve got great qualities! With a help of a close friend, write a list of all your great traits. A friend can always give you a perspective that you don’t necessarily see. Feel grateful and confident that you carry these qualities.
4. Laughter and inspiration
Go to a comedy club. Laughter is always a great remedy to feeling down. It releases chemicals in your brain to make you happy. Watch feel-good movies such as ‘Amelie’ and this video of, The Last Lecture.
5. Release those negative thoughts with deep breathing
Most of the time, people aren’t thinking about you that way. When you get negative thoughts, take a deep breath, fill your belly, inhale all the negative and exhale to release it from your body & mind. Remember, IT’S ALWAYS LOUDER IN YOUR HEAD.
6. Build good energy by exercising
I love going for a brisk walk on a trail or the treadmill when I’m feeling tense or down. The exercise will give you a good natural adrenaline rush and work in good energy. Plus, you can take this time to think through how you can improve the situation or your thoughts.
7. Do something good for someone weekly or daily
When have you ever done a positive thing or helped someone out and felt angry? Nopes. That’s because when you’re helping another person, you’re connecting with a soul and filling your heart & theirs with good energy.
8. Spend time with good people who make you feel good, especially people who motivate you
Loved ones, especially family members, are supportive and great people to share what you’re going through. Their past experience and understanding will help you with more clarity. Also, being around good energy is contagious. Like last night, when I had dinner with my girlfriends! We stuffed our faces with Vietnamese food and laughed about our stories for 3 hours.
9. Talk to a coach or a counselor/therapist
Most importantly, you should definitely reach out to a coach or therapist. They will help identify the root of your feelings and behaviors. Their trusting space will allow you to share everything that is on your mind and liberate your thoughts. A coach or therapist can offer a new perspective and plan so that you can become happier. It’s healthy to have a professional help you get to the next level.
If you would me to be your personal life coach, contact me (above). BY THE WAY, you have until midnight today to donate at least $5 for the chance to win an-hour coaching with me! The money goes to the Leukemia & Lyphoma Society! Donate here: abpubcrawl.com/vanae
Remember, you are the driver and you are ALL THAT. My close friend told me, “A preacher once said this simple thing, ‘You can be bitter. Or you can be grateful’. I choose to be grateful and wonderful.
So V’stars, What do you think? What do you do to make yourself feel better?
My guy friend once told me that he was insecure about his calves. “Really?!”, I replied. I would’ve never guessed that! Goes to show that most of the time, our insecurities are not obvious to people. Why? Because insecurities are hidden within the walls of our minds! Yet, sometimes we let them take over our lives!
Overweight?
Small chest?
Not out-going enough?
Think you have body odor?
Not so perfect teeth?
Think you’re not intelligent?
Acne?
Whether your insecure about something physical, your personality or your ability…there are ways to release your insecurities!
1. Take charge of your life
Every waking moment is a choice for you. If it bothers you then do something about it! Make today THE DAY that you take charge. Research to find out the options on taking care of it. For example, if you feel overweight, then work out and eat healthy. If your weakness is in public speaking, then get out of your comfort zone and try Toast Masters. You caught my drift…
2. If you can’t change it, then accept it.
If it’s something you’re born with like small chest or small body parts, then accept it. There is something very beautiful about a person who accepts themselves with all their flaws and all. Yes, we are constantly evolving to better ourselves. But to truly accept yourself makes you more confident. Confidence = MUCHO SEXY!
3. So what?! You can only be YOU
You’re going to have moments that your insecurities may get you down. So if you start thinking about yours…say “So what?”. People really don’t care as much as you think they do. BE YOU! Trust me. I know this is going to sound silly but when I was in middle school, I used to think that people were constantly judging what I was wearing. But they weren’t. I bet no one even gave my outfits more than a mere seconds glance. So I thought..”So what? I wear what I want”. And I got over it.
4. Make the most out of it
Learn to make the best out of it and then focus on other great qualities you have! If it’s a small penis, learn to pleasure her in all the ways. Know how to work it well with yours!
5.You are not defined by your insecurity
Your insecurity does not make up who you are. No one is going to think, “Oh, Johnny? The one with small calves?” Come on! You’re wonderfulness make up WHO YOU ARE, not your insecurity!
6. Most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF
Take the time to appreciate all your qualities. Your strong points and weaker ones. As you’re developing yourself from the inside, others will appreciate you as much as you appreciate yourself. Confidence and self- appreciation is very transparent. Often contagious! =)
Vanae’s tip of the dae:Everyone has their own insecurities and it’s OK. The key is to deal with it, get over it and focus more on your stronger qualities!
I’m in Blogging Idol 2 and I want you to be part of it! Today, I’m launching the V’STAR CONTEST until 11/30 where the V’star who gets the most Vanae.com subscribers will win! The prize is: * The first and only colored hardcopy of my e-book, Fuck Her/Fuck Him (release end of December) & *one hour phone consultation.
Here’s what you need to do:
1) Email your friends why they should subscribe to vanae.com
2) Copy me : ayvanae@gmail.com
3) Your friends reply to your email after they subscribe
4) The V’star with most subscribers WINS!
Do you have an outfit you’ve been wanting to wear but haven’t?
How about that person you’ve been dying to ask out but have yet to?
Or that country you’ve always wanted to travel to?!
Be daring! Life is about what you’ve done..what you’ve conquered..not the ‘what if’.
Make it memorable for you!
I went daring for my Halloween costume this year. What was your costume and how did you spend your Halloween?
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Subscribe (top of this pg) to get the hottest tips delivered straight to you. My special E-book on ‘scoring the dating life and confidence you need’ is coming out soon so you’ll be the first to know, when you subscribe!
