Remember this applies to your best friend situation if they are single. If your BFF is dating someone, then don’t chance it by having the conversation. Could get awkward.
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Q. Hey Vanae, my ex girlfriend invited me to her bday party at a club/lounge. We’ve been broken up for about 3 months now but i don’t think im ready to see her with another guy. She claims she’s doesn’t have a new man or no one speical “yet”, but yet she’s staying at another guy’s house.
Should i even bother going? i’m normally not the jealous type, but this just rubs me the wrong way. I still care about her and i want us to be friend but at the same time i wish she never invited me. What should i do?
The Ex
A. Dear The Ex,
Why torture yourself? If you know you’re not over your ex yet, don’t put yourself in the situation where you might get sour. Be honest with yourself if you just want to be friends or if the possibility of getting back is still brewing in your mind. If you want to remain friends…I’d suggest not going to her bday party, or even see her (for that matter), until you’re completely ready to be platonic.
Staying on good terms with your ex is something most people want to do. But if you’re not ready, then you’re not ready.
How to decline: You can tell her that you can hang out down the road, but now is not the best time. She can wonder all she wants what this means (do you have another girl, are you not ready..etc), but it’s clear that you don’t want to hang out now.
Your patience did not go unrewarded. Here is the brand spanking first Vanae.com episode since I’ve been back! Part of Game Dae Wednesdae:
What are other scenerios you wish people would be UPFRANK? Comment below!
If you’re looking for Game Dae Wednesdae, click here for the Worst Date Contest that I’m hosting until March 19th.
Today, I’m talking about how men and women communicate their affection & appreciation.
Often times, men show how much they care through actions (Sharing deep childhood stories, getting close to you, etc). Whereas women tend to be more verbal creatures (Telling you how we feel, talking out our problems, etc).
One of the biggest things I’ve learned is to slow down and not rush into expectations. Once you slow down, you’re able to see the other person’s style in conveying their feelings.
Males, you need to:
Verbal reassurance. Sure, you can show how you care by inviting her into your life. But because we are naturally open, we think these actions are a given. So sometimes, you need to remind us that when you were __________, that was showing affection. And when a female is telling you something, listen up!
Females, you need to:
Slow down and don’t get caught up in expectations. Appreciate his actions and where you are in relationship. Once you recognize the subtle actions and really listen to him, it’ll make you less insecure.
V’stars, what other tips would you like to add to this communication between men and women?
Q: HI. When u have your first time experimenting with sex, does it really hurt ??? and what are the consequences because my boyfriend asked me if i was ready but i am not sure what to tell him so can u help me please.
A: Hey girl, thanks for reaching out and opening up. I think your question and curiosity is a smart one. Shows that you’re asking and thinking through before just doing it. The first time having sex is a special moment that everyone always remembers. My first time:
A light lit room, with my high school boyfriend facing me and kissing me with reassurance. It was very memorable because tt was a mixture of excitement, scary, pain, pleasure, closeness, nervousness. Most importantly, we both truly cared for each other, we were both ready and we talked about it beforehand.
With the first partner, females tend to get emotionally attached and ‘fall in love’ with the person they lose their virginity to. Make sure you ask yourself if this is person you want to share this specialness with. Yes, sex for the first time can hurt and you need to make sure that you’re truly ready and comfortable. If you have any doubts that you’re ready, then that’s a sign that you’re probably not ready. Before you have sex:
1. Please yourself, not your bf
The decision to have sex should never be to please your bf. Your decision should be based on if YOU’RE ready and if this is what YOU want. It’s all about you! Be honest with your bf on how you feel about it. If he cares for you, he should understand and there should be open communication.
2. Consequences
Please think about pregnancy, STIs, and emotional attachment as these are the consequences of having sex. Talk to your partner getting tested (if he’s not a virgin) and these consquences because these can change your life. To avoid pregnancy and STIs (sexually transmitted infections), use condoms. You can look online for information on how to use condoms correctly.
3. More questions?
Talk to friends and parents, if possible, to get better perspective on readiness. If you have further questions about consequences or sex-related, contact your local Planned Parenthood clinic or your family physician.
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Be ready when you are. When you make decisions because you’re truly ready, makes the experience richer.
I hear people say..”Women are complicated and men are so simple.” Women and men’s style of communication is very differently, heck, everyone communicates different as individuals. We want answers right now, while men can be more patient. Also, women typically don’t want to be confrontational, so we won’t ask you up front…but ask you questions to get clues instead. You know, a great book that breaks this down is ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
For Game Dae Wednesdae-
Ever wonder what he/she really meant? For this week’s game activity, we’re going to involve the V’star community to help decipher messages. Share something that the opposite sex says so that V’stars can shine some light on what he/she meant. For example:
What does she truly mean by saying, “I think we should be friends”?
Translation: “Nopes. You’re not the one for me and I can’t imagine us getting along romantically. We might end up as friends, but I can’t guarantee we’ll still be in contact.”
What does he truly mean by saying, “I’m emotionally unavailable” or “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” Guys, share your interpretation.
Let’s demystify what the opposite sex is saying by start asking:
“What does she/he truly mean by saying ____________________________”
Many of you have been asking me about intimacy. How do I talk sexy? How should I…? How do I get my girlfriend to…?
What I like about hanging out with my friend, Noah, is that our openness and lack of taboo topics = super interesting conversations. When we talked about what one shouldn’t say during intimacy…he shared this hilarious flow-chart. I thought you’d get a kick out of this:
Vanae’s album of the week: The Firefly by The Frail. My friend, Daniel, is the singer of this uber-cool band from SF. Definitely one of my top SF bands and it’s for good reason! Fun electro music that is delicate yet so funky that it makes you dance in your underpants. Yes, I like to rhyme sometimes. Take a listen to their FireFly EP Sampler on their myspace and get their tracks so you’ll be dancing in your undies as well! http://www.myspace.com/thefrailsf Perhaps you’ll be moving to their music, as you make your sexy moves tonight.
