ASK VANAE FRIDAE
Q: HI. When u have your first time experimenting with sex, does it really hurt ??? and what are the consequences because my boyfriend asked me if i was ready but i am not sure what to tell him so can u help me please.
A: Hey girl, thanks for reaching out and opening up. I think your question and curiosity is a smart one. Shows that you’re asking and thinking through before just doing it. The first time having sex is a special moment that everyone always remembers. My first time:
A light lit room, with my high school boyfriend facing me and kissing me with reassurance. It was very memorable because tt was a mixture of excitement, scary, pain, pleasure, closeness, nervousness. Most importantly, we both truly cared for each other, we were both ready and we talked about it beforehand.
With the first partner, females tend to get emotionally attached and ‘fall in love’ with the person they lose their virginity to. Make sure you ask yourself if this is person you want to share this specialness with. Yes, sex for the first time can hurt and you need to make sure that you’re truly ready and comfortable. If you have any doubts that you’re ready, then that’s a sign that you’re probably not ready. Before you have sex:
1. Please yourself, not your bf
The decision to have sex should never be to please your bf. Your decision should be based on if YOU’RE ready and if this is what YOU want. It’s all about you! Be honest with your bf on how you feel about it. If he cares for you, he should understand and there should be open communication.
2. Consequences
Please think about pregnancy, STIs, and emotional attachment as these are the consequences of having sex. Talk to your partner getting tested (if he’s not a virgin) and these consquences because these can change your life. To avoid pregnancy and STIs (sexually transmitted infections), use condoms. You can look online for information on how to use condoms correctly.
3. More questions?
Talk to friends and parents, if possible, to get better perspective on readiness. If you have further questions about consequences or sex-related, contact your local Planned Parenthood clinic or your family physician.
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Be ready when you are. When you make decisions because you’re truly ready, makes the experience richer.
What do you think? How was your first time?
Excellent advice Vanae, I applaud you.
thanks bobby. ready for the weekend?
how do you come up with all the stuff you tak about?
bobby vanae advive is right on i agree absouloutely.that she makes sure the guy really cares about her,and her needs,not just using her for sex…..bravo vanee
I fell that vanaes taks help me a lot with grils and taking to them so thxs a lot your the best xx
hi i am very young but i think all the stuff vanae taks about like sex,love and care for your body.i think its cool what your doing for me and all of the people out there that need your help you have helped me a lot abd i hope you can help all of the people out there that need your help thxs
*sigh*
I know I might get flamed for this one, but I disagree in some ways.
1.) You should wait until you’re married.
2.) Why wait until you’re married? Well, as Vanae said, women get emotionally attatched to their first partner, as in ‘they fall in love’ with them. What better person to fall in love with than your spouse?
3.) If you wait then there is a significantly lessend chance that you will get/give STD’s/STI’s. Both parties appreciate this very much (unless you get off on burning and itching below the belt, but hey that’s you).
4.) You won’t ‘accidentally’ get pregnant if you don’t have sex before marriage. Besides, an unplanned baby is quite the handful, especially if the guy leaves you after he gets the news that he’s a daddy (not saying that planned babies are a walk in the park either).
So, yeah, I do disagree. However, people are going to have sex regardless so please, I beg of you, just don’t go and do something that you’ll regret. Life without regrets tends to be much more enjoyable.
That’s just my two cents…
thanks for your thoughts saru-chan.
each person has their own pace and beliefs, whether they want to wait til marriage or not. it’s an individual decision that only that person knows for sure what they’re ready for.
i personally believe that couples should have sex before marriage, to explore & understand each others bodies and work their compatibility.
i know couples who waited until marriage only to find out that they are not in sync. it’s the hard-realization and to work much harder now that they’re hitched.
in regards of sex, people should make their own smart decisions on what is comfortable and be healthy (mind and spirit).
hi saru
no there nothing wrong with what youre saying,,that most people don’t want to do the honorable thing,and wait till after there married,,especially the,parent,and schools promoting it in the kids minds
that there nothing wrong with not waiting.but i do believe this phrase very much from the heart..”the right one is worth the wait,and never rush you,or push you into it.meaning i wanted to wait and she didn’t were not meant for each other.
The trouble with people who say you should wait until you are married is their advice is never based on them having tried both ways (because you can’t).
Some people want to wait.
Most don’t.
No one should be told on which side they should sit.
great point will!
=)
V
You’re right. There are many who don’t wait, but they also don’t know what it is like to wait. Fortunately those kinds of situations work both ways.
Kind of like having a food for the first time. We’ll take chicken for example. There are many kinds of chicken, even more ways to cook said chicken, and even more different twists on those recipes not to mention the ability of the chefs that cook the chicken.
Now, if you only had one kind of chicken, cooked one way, with only one recepie, and the same chef, then you won’t get much of a different taste and won’t know what else is out there. You’ll want to try something new, but you’ll also come to trust the judgement of the chef that prepared the meal. It would be much harder to change because you have nothing else to compare the chicken, the chicken you know and love, to to see if it is better or worse.
Some will experiement to see if what they have is good enough or if they should higher their standard. Others are happy with what they have and don’t want a change. Others will also experiment only to find out that what they had was better than what else was available. If they had stuck with what they had, however, they would have only what they knew and could be happy with it for it was the first and only in their lives.
And, before anyone jumps the gun, I do like to argue, but in a friendly way. It helps me to understand more and further my knowledge of people and different topics. Also helps in these kinds of relation things that I tend to do.
And I never told anyone to sit on one side or the other, but instead to not do something that they would later regret. No person wants regrets, but if they do then more power to them.
And I can’t believe that I just related sex to chicken…
good comments Saru,&good advice Vanae.in my opinion,the youth have that kind of capital,which called time.we still have time to correct our mistakes in the rest of our lifetime.of course,we have to think about it before we made any decision.but Just follow ur own feelings is my principle.maybe it will get hurts,but we could regard it as a kind of treasure.it teach us to grow up.after that,u will have a stronger mind…this kind of mind will help us to face any difficulties in the rest of our lifetime
I’m pretty sure if you have to write to an advice website to know if you’re ready for sex or not, YOU ARE NOT READY.
Vanae,
Thank you for the article, but I have more questions for you… about “emotional attachment”…
My story:
The girl I met is a virgin. I took her to bed, and she told me she has never done it before (though she is 30 and had 3 boyfriends in her life – I found it very strange)…. Anyway, I passionately kissed her, fondled her, orgasmed her, etc…
How painful is that? We have been trying for more than one week, but when I was trying “to do it”, it was so painful for her, so she always jumped away.. we have been trying almost every day… and we did not go further than oral sex…
Could this experience create “emotional attachment” ?? Or one requires penetrating sex for “emotional attachment” ???
Please give some comments, because I can not sleep and eat now… I am deeply in love with this girl… I wish she became “emotional attached” to me then we would get married and have kids
hi vanae im 18 years old and im totaly confuse. so i dnt knw wat2 do, i had sex with one of my best friends and i knw that nothing can happen betwwen us but we still close each other so now i cant be with some body else because he was my first one what can i do?????
When your ready, you will know. Just be honest with each other about how you feel. The first time having sex is a very special moment!
Hey Vanae i love your vids they are awesome and helpful…i am in high school…and i wanna ask this girl out…any tips? coz i am nervous that she could reject or embarrass Please help!