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Today, I’m talking about how men and women communicate their affection & appreciation.
Often times, men show how much they care through actions (Sharing deep childhood stories, getting close to you, etc). Whereas women tend to be more verbal creatures (Telling you how we feel, talking out our problems, etc).
One of the biggest things I’ve learned is to slow down and not rush into expectations. Once you slow down, you’re able to see the other person’s style in conveying their feelings.
Males, you need to:
Verbal reassurance. Sure, you can show how you care by inviting her into your life. But because we are naturally open, we think these actions are a given. So sometimes, you need to remind us that when you were __________, that was showing affection. And when a female is telling you something, listen up!
Females, you need to:
Slow down and don’t get caught up in expectations. Appreciate his actions and where you are in relationship. Once you recognize the subtle actions and really listen to him, it’ll make you less insecure.
V’stars, what other tips would you like to add to this communication between men and women?
Guys might show they care through their actions, but it’s not really an excuse to not tell a girl that you care about her, love her, etc. A guy shouldn’t feel that because his actions are communicating with a girl, that he doesn’t have to be openly verbal. Both physical and verbal communication are equally important.
Men. Listen up. Just because she’s nice to you doesn’t mean that she is into you. I know you’ve been told this many times, but it won’t hurt to hear it another few thousand. Pay attention to her body language. If she backs away, don’t follow. Let her have her space (learned through trial and error. Mostly error). Also, don’t put your arm around her/hold her close to you/etc. unless she closes the distance first. I know that it can be hard some days, but just wait.
As for the talking…don’t do TOO much of it. Listen more than you talk unless the girl is shy. Then you have to work it a bit. Get her to open up to you. If you can, comment on her inerests and strike up a conversation about it. This normally works for me and others from whom I’ve learned from or given advice too. However, it all depends on the girl.
For guys it is mostly trial and error. Expect to get rejected sometimes. It happens. Dust yourself off and get back in the game! Too many women want a piece of you for you to waste away in a pool of your own sorrow. DON’T GIVE IN TO YOUR SADNESS ABOUT REJECTION! Trust me. It doesn’t help in the least.
LADIES:
As Miss Vanae, and many others, said…men are physical creatures. We like to touch, to feel, to hold, etc. We like what we SEE. If you want a guy to talk sensibly instead of babble like an idiot then be a bit more conservative with dress, language, and manners (cut back on the cursing. Contrary to popular belief it is very unattractive. I’m sure you can think of other things to do too^^). Dress up every now and again, but not like a tramp. Cut back on the sweats and go for a dressy-casual skirt and dress shirt. Maybe mid-sleeve sweater or turtleneck or collared shirts. Present yourself as being serious and you are more likely to be taken seriously. If you dress like trash then that is what you will attract.
When talking to us, don’t be afraid to put in a strong opinion. Submissive women are not always in high demand, especially in a time where the economy is bad. A guy needs a strong woman that he knows he can depend on when times get tough. If he gets laid off and is the only one with an income then you’re both screwed unless either set of parents can interfere. Don’t count on the parents though. Strong women = good. Also, don’t let us do all of the talking. We’d like to know some things about you. Get to know you a bit. Don’t be afraid to tell us about yourselves and give us something to work with.
TO EVERYONE:
Relationships work both ways. If you don’t give, you don’t get. Equivalent exchange, you know? Don’t be shy around the one you’re going after. Be humble. Don’t be arrogant. Be confident. To all of you out there, you’ll do fine. There are over 6 billion people on this planet. There is someone for everybody. You just have to look, alright? I know this is easier said than done. I even have some problems from time to time, but just remember that the other person could be feeling the same way.
Enough with my rambling. I’d appreciate comments or suggestions on this. I’m still trying things out to get a solid foundation.
it’s good from u V to tell males and females what to do for each other , it leads to better life ,thnx and keep it up ^_^
I said it once and I’ll say it again, if your prepared to play mind-games be also prepared to get your feelings hurt! WOMEN STOP THINKING ITS A GIVEN THAT ONCE A GUY IS INTERESTED IN YOU THAT YOU CAN TOY WITH HIM LIKE….URM A TOY I GUESS :S You get my point though.
thanx for the golden advices, but my question is: how to start a conversation with a girl arrownd, in univercity, or bar, or caffiteria…ect.? because most begener guys start with quistions:”can i by you drink? what’s your name? where do you live? “, well. i’m a begener too, but i know that this is suck.. so, how can i (or we “guies”) start conversation?
thanx again Vanae.
What you do is find common ground or start with a compliment. I remember Vanae saying not to compliment her every day. THIS WORKS WONDERS!!! I’ve been using this for a few weeks now and results are spectacular. I’m sorry for the aside, but I really like the comment one.
If the girl is in one of your classes then start off with something that you found interesting or not so interesting. Got it? Good. Relate that to other topics. Things will progress at a steady rate from there.
Also, try to find out what mood she is in. If she looks downcast then ask if something is wrong or try to make her smile. If she looks bored then lighten her mood with some simple observation of the outfit she’s wearing or make a light joke.
Most of all, just have fun. The worst she can say is that she isn’t interested (assuming that you didn’t come off as a jerk. In that case then there is much worse she can do). And don’t hesitate unless you do so in an attempt to get her attention (but that’s just it. YOU HAVE TO TRY TO GET HER ATTENNTION WITH THE HESITATION!!!).
Go for the gusto and don’t give up. There’s a person out there for everyone.
Guys can say they love you. Yet they don’t mean a single word, it’s not exactly empowered as some may think. Girls? I don’t really know much, but I believe it varies like we all do. All guys have techniques to show love. My best friend has a very admirable way, admirable to me, of showing his love to his own special other. He shares his interests. My friend opens himself up to his special other, and by doing so, allows her to know him a lot better. Though some guys, like myself, have grown to trust absolutely no one; I like taking relationships a lot slower than my head wants to. Split personality if you will. Also, when guys want time away from you or if he creates excuses, it could be a sign that you’re getting way ahead of yourself. For me, this always happens, even though I’m not in a relationship, I like my distance. My way of showing love (YOU HAVE A WAY OF SHOWING LOVE?! Why yes, yes I do although I don’t express it at all) is being a sort of.. faithful advocate or colleague. Never abandon the other. Although, this doesn’t mean that I don’t have my own opinions, I do share them. Being an equal, really; it works fine for me. I like talking to someone else without trying to be a sort of dog or tyrant; I honestly do. Just thought I’d share this with the world. Don’t have anyone to love, but I think I’ve come to love the spaces of white in which I fill with the text of English. I have a crush, yet I don’t feel like hurting the person. Who is going to leave for college soon anyways.. Look for patterns, they’re not hard to spot. Fin~