My guy friend once told me that he was insecure about his calves. “Really?!”, I replied. I would’ve never guessed that! Goes to show that most of the time, our insecurities are not obvious to people. Why? Because insecurities are hidden within the walls of our minds! Yet, sometimes we let them take over our lives!
Overweight?
Small chest?
Not out-going enough?
Think you have body odor?
Not so perfect teeth?
Think you’re not intelligent?
Acne?
Whether your insecure about something physical, your personality or your ability…there are ways to release your insecurities!
1. Take charge of your life
Every waking moment is a choice for you. If it bothers you then do something about it! Make today THE DAY that you take charge. Research to find out the options on taking care of it. For example, if you feel overweight, then work out and eat healthy. If your weakness is in public speaking, then get out of your comfort zone and try Toast Masters. You caught my drift…
2. If you can’t change it, then accept it.
If it’s something you’re born with like small chest or small body parts, then accept it. There is something very beautiful about a person who accepts themselves with all their flaws and all. Yes, we are constantly evolving to better ourselves. But to truly accept yourself makes you more confident. Confidence = MUCHO SEXY!
3. So what?! You can only be YOU
You’re going to have moments that your insecurities may get you down. So if you start thinking about yours…say “So what?”. People really don’t care as much as you think they do. BE YOU! Trust me. I know this is going to sound silly but when I was in middle school, I used to think that people were constantly judging what I was wearing. But they weren’t. I bet no one even gave my outfits more than a mere seconds glance. So I thought..”So what? I wear what I want”. And I got over it.
4. Make the most out of it
Learn to make the best out of it and then focus on other great qualities you have! If it’s a small penis, learn to pleasure her in all the ways. Know how to work it well with yours!
5.You are not defined by your insecurity
Your insecurity does not make up who you are. No one is going to think, “Oh, Johnny? The one with small calves?” Come on! You’re wonderfulness make up WHO YOU ARE, not your insecurity!
6. Most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF
Take the time to appreciate all your qualities. Your strong points and weaker ones. As you’re developing yourself from the inside, others will appreciate you as much as you appreciate yourself. Confidence and self- appreciation is very transparent. Often contagious! =)
Vanae’s tip of the dae:Everyone has their own insecurities and it’s OK. The key is to deal with it, get over it and focus more on your stronger qualities!
Here’s my quick video on overcoming insecurities:
Hi Vanae:
I’m a single 39 y.o. dude with my own share of insecurities…and life challenges. I am not going to let this stop me from being me. I love your blog and all of your tips and suggestions. P.S. I know you live in the Bay area – one of my favorite places on earth is the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park. Oh and the Golden Vanilla Beer at the Thirsty Bear is awesome as well. Keep up the great work!
Tim
Ah I LOVE the japanese tea garden. it’s beautiful. perhaps i’ll shoot a video out there next time.
HIGH FIVE for living life!
Vanae
Nice.
er…i couldn’t help but notice the glittery fabric on the couch
…what is it?
hey ron, it’s a beautiful sari fabric i got from India
Oh, Insecurities.. It’s a broad term, and I think there is much literature to represent it’s negativity in the personal and social sphere. But what about the idea of insecurity as being a stage in a metamorphosis. A stage in which two people become friends but that ones intense sensitivity towards the unknowns associated with ours individualities makes him or her humble. Humble may not be the correct word to describe insecurity by definition, but of some of the more humble people I’ve met it almost seems like insecurity. Daniel Goleman discusses in one of his books Primal Leadership, and that the primal side of our selves stems from emotions that are real. And insecurities would communicate a certain necessity in a relationship whereby the leader in his case might convey the need for someone else to take on the responsibility in a certain situation. A primal communication style. There are certainly many connections one could draw from this concept.. Namely, that if two people are both perfectly secure, then is there a personal connection? I think for a real personal connection there must be either a disparate between the two or they are soulmates.. not everyone is a soulmate. One time I was working on a marketing strategy for John Reed, a local Entrepreneur who worked in the Sacramento area. It caught me as interesting that although I was nervous, he seemed much more nervous. But, what his nervousness did was was it allowed me to feel more comfortable with his presence and my ability to convey myself and ideas. Mr. John Reed, the Former CEO of Citibank and local entrepreneur, and to the owner of the Chinese Fastfood joint down the street I notice how insecurity actually communicates something to another person and perhaps with a subconsious intention. It would be naive to think that we are always guided by our conscious mind, but as well it’s not the most effective to be guided purely by the subconscious.. And what about the biochemistry behind it? Insecurity could possibly come from a direction that’s not directly connected to our environments outside, but even in the inside. This could be genetic, but could also be from an imbalance in nutrition or from drinking the night before (or coffee, or other pharmaceuticals with latent aftereffects that drift in as we retire the oddly shaped molecule). These are some insecurities I’ve seen in others and myself, but I’ve come to accept. Something that I notice too is the importance of balance. Balance is what we all strive for, but what is imbalance? Imbalance biologically is the disruption of homeostasis, which occurs through change. Thus follows the possibility that when we include a change in our lives, and it may be from monumental and planned to a small and unplanned event, or any combination of the two. Those changes may be in an area of our lives that we are used to dealing with, or they may be from foreign experiences that we aren’t used to…take cultural assimilation (culture shock)~hard to avoid that one. The presence of insecurities are indicators to us of the process of metamorphosis.. There are many times I see when I feel that people write off the potential for change in a situation because of ones priorities, but what if you prioritize change? They say that once you stop changing you start dying, then doesn’t this mean that once you accept a fully undisrupted environment inwardly and outwardly that this may suggest the same thing? There are ways to educate ourselves about the changes that are happening that might alleviate certain aspects of change, but still when adopting a new activity there will still be the learning curve that might affect us. And perhaps then if insecurity becomes chronic with a certain activity is that we forgot to recognize the need for a healthy adaptation. But, if we are accustomed to the process of change, and thus commoditizing the experience, it could just become easy to be insecure at times.. the self-awareness of it’s existence but indeed the struggle through it. But, undoubtedly we all strive for security.. I suppose my main point was to welcome the possibility to not be offended by others conveyance of insecurity.. it’s almost like an -ism (racism, sexism, sizism, etc.). Just don’t want people to reject people on the basis of their insecurities. We’re all striving for perfection, but to forget our origins is to live in a bubble of misconception. If we forget that painful and negative experiences are the most memorable, then we might fall victim to trying to escape learning. Aren’t we all insecure in something? Shoot, I could go on.. (insecurity and it’s effects on mirror neurons in a social interaction, on serotonin/dopamine, insecurity on various levels of the human condition…)Just some food for thought.. argh, I’m hungry.
thanks for putting thought into this, Gus
hey vanae,
i happen to stumble across your youtube video (it was your unique hair that caught me lol) and thought u address some very interested things that i had problems with. you mentioned that in middle school u felt as if u were constantly being judge of what u were wearing. i also have the same problem at the very moment (its not clothes)… i mean people say things that can really hurt and makes me think to myself “man wtf… pop this mutha fuker upside his/her head… go and get you”. i kno ya kno, i can ignore or turn the other cheek but really deep down inside it hurt and really i cant tell them im hurt cuz i dont like when people think im weak or sensitive. what happens if i ignore it??? i mean ill have that voice in my head calling me like iunno a b*tch which leads me to thinking less of myself. well to me whatever i do ill look down at myself in the end… so what should i do?
hey dear,
when i was in middle school, i got picked on about random stuff and what i regret is not saying anything back to these people.
when they say mean things to you, you don’t have to get physical, just talk back so they know you’re not invisible. whether it’s ‘wow, do you mean to be an asshole all the time? etc.
sometimes, a release of your bottled hurt is good. just be sure, not to explode. ask that person a question so he/she can think about it. and if they aren’t mature enough, fuck ‘em.
your life is more valuable to spend time agonizing these things and people.
to be heal the hurt, i know it can be hard, but find a way to release it (exercise, respond to that person, think of your great qualities).
Vanae
good dang! i love you! but then again i bet my bankroll its the sort of thing you would hear all the time. anyways. keep up the good work! you go girl!!! muhahahahhahaaaa! you should have your own talk show! on youtube with people really there watching you. and cut to commercials too… you making them yourself. and then invite me to your next screening!
jrok 204
thanks JR!
Ah, such a heart warming, responsible, well thought out and truthful post!
5.You are not defined by your insecurity
Your insecurity does not make up who you are. No one is going to think, “Oh, Johnny? The one with small calves?” Come on! You’re wonderfulness make up WHO YOU ARE, not your insecurity!
If I may, I’d just like to add that others do indeed define us by our insecurities, or better put, THEY can define us by them. A lady might over hear some friends say, “Oh, I remember her. The one with the small boobs.” Others opinions do effect us, but it’s up to us to follow your clearly defined points within ourselves.
Great post Vanae!
good point bobby!
Vanae
lol I just had to comment on this and say lol I think this is great.
Vanae, you are handling business, and I have to say props to you.
Good advice, you make me laugh girl. We have to chat sometime, I need to know… how you got your mind to where it is at.
1 Luv people.
The Man from Cali
thanks fellow CALI peep!
Vanae
yup!!
great advice!!!
the best thing to feel free is doing something that scares you everyday!!!
(I haven’t done much latelly… but I used to… I even sky dived once and now and then do some absailing… and I am terrified of hights!!)
my advice… get your back into it!
that’s awesome!
i have yet to skydive!
Vanae
VANAE, you mind ninja you! Sneaking into me head without the internets
HA!
See i’ve been away for a few days without any internet connection (do to dropped laptop >:0 )
and while I was away i totaly made the deciaion to stop bitching about my living arragments and do something to change them. So I made the conscience decision to buy a house!!!
I TOTALY GOT MORE THEN I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED FOR.
Confidence levels sky rocketed!!!
I achieved ALOT so far in this life!!!
And now at 23 im a home owner. Can we say AMAZING!!!
“Take Charge of Your Life.”
That is what I did…
Not only did I buy a house but I also got a few perks.
1. Finally I am able to live a life style EXACTLY as I choose to do so.
2. I increased my Personal responsabilities which in turn increased my confidence.
3. Now I see that I am capable of taking charge
(LoL I got a gym membership. I figured if I can increase the way I feel about myself on the inside, I mind as well try the outside also… Not that im unhappy with it but improvement could be alright)
Anyhow, enough of my rant.
Wish me luck on decorating ROFL
I just want to say your advice is solid. Your okay in my book ;P
LOL
Congrats!!!
send me photos of your new place.
would love to see it.
=)
vanae
Great advice this really helps me!
Ever since my fiance proposed to me with a gorgeous diamond engagement ring from http://www.idonowidont.com we both have been freaking out about fitting into our wedding attire, especially me in my wedding dress!
He’s been going to the gym more often than before but I tell him to just be comfortable with himself because that’s why I love him! Now I just need to tell myself the same thing!
vanae ur the best!
Vanae,,,
I have sister in law, and its been a year since her ex boyfriend left her!and until now i know that she still not move on for her past relationship with that guy, maybe because they’ve been together for almost 6 yrs…and she gave everything to that guy!and the problem is that their neighboors..and the guy has a new girl now which she always saw this two everyday and make things more harder for her now…because she still feel something for this guy,,,im worried about my sister because i know that she feels she lost a big part of her…we already tried everything to lessen her insecurities with the new girl of this guy..she always tought that she did all for that guy even giving herself and nothing she left for herself…vanae, really i dont know anymore how to help her now?maybe because she doesnt want to help herself also?can you help me what advice should i gave her now?is it acceptable that my sister express her anger with the ex bf?which she never did when she find out about the third party?so her feelings for that guy will go…instead of love it will turn to you know???she’s still young so she can always find another, but the fact is that she doesnt think like us!and she still wants that guy back..could you help me with this situation because i really want to help her understand and move on..thanks in advance Vanae….and good Day!