“It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others.”
– Sydney J. Harris
Most of us know that we should love ourselves, but how do we do that? I’ll share with you the ways on how I love myself:
* I don’t let someone mistreat me, by voicing up and knowing when to step away
* I treat and pamper myself because I know I deserve it
* I focus on deeper meaning and substance in life
* I recognize and appreciate my good qualities and accept my not-so-strong qualities
* I’m not hard on myself, instead I think of how I can improve and make it my decision.
* I invest the time for balance and spirituality, to be in tuned with myself
* I nurture my ‘needs’ and negotiate my ‘wants’
* I fill my soul with good ol’ me-time and do things that make me ultra happy
V’stars, how do you love yourself?
On a serious note:
Actually I have trouble loving myself, always have been fighting myself and lots of people keep telling me to accept myself. I have my ups and downs though…
On the funny note:
I love myself alone , sometimes I use my imagination, sometimes some visual aid help
haha v’star wissam,
you always crack me up.
i understand the struggle, but keep at it.
loving yourself and taking care of yourself is #1 priority.
vanae
Thats my biggest issue, i guess i dont do nothing. Maybe except dont let people disrespect me.
Anyway, Vanae if you are planning to make a video about it, i will be very happy to watch it.
sounds like a great video topic.
i’ll def add it to my cue.
vanae
How do I love myself?
Hmmm…
Besides loving myself THAT way I visit Vanae.com cuz I deserve only the very best.
(c:
aww, aren’t you cute!
vanae
I love myself in a few ways but the two that really are special to me are movies and…watching traffic. Sounds odd right? Check it, movies are awesome. If it’s been a really rough week I go to a movie by myself. Sounds lonely but I find it comforting. If I don’t have the cheddar for a movie or just need something else, one of my favorite things to do is to go to burger king, get a meal, bring a book and then park in their lot (They face the busiest street in my city). Roll the window down and watch the traffic go by as I read and eat. I also like going to high places…I’ve ninja-ed onto roof tops before and just watched the traffic. I like doing it, there’s something charming about watching people this way… And lately, the easier-to-access rooftops have been making for really fun dates! How many ppl would love to see a great view that not-everyone sees? Apparently, quite a few women according to my ‘research’.
wow, how lucky are you to have a great roof-top access and view??
way to capture and see the world from that angle.
keep it rocking! and watching traffic can be pretty meditative, unless people start honking.
V
AWESOME topic , it’s very important to love yourself and know yourself more ! and always try to do better, and to enjoy yourself , thnx V 4 the topic
note : a video will be a great idea
!
in the most part, I love myself, and I accpet who I am, and I try to socialize and laugh more, but there are days were I overanalyze and it begins to lead me to a downward spiral of negative thinking. I try to avoid that as much as I can and I just loosen up with life and breath. I find that proper breathing while you’re calm puts you in a good mood.
I think I generally love myself, i do say and think some things that make me want to be better and in that way i guess i don’t like myself sometimes. At the same time I adapt to my surroundings and each situation has a different version of me. I have so many in fact sometimes its difficult to discern which one is the “real” me.. :/
Sigh! Let’s see! I always try to please everybody and like doing things to perfection…I guess I tend to be too hard on myself. I think that combination of being a perfectionist and trying to be everything to everybody is not a good one! The other thing is that I am so caught up with work that I’ve never had time to focus on spiritual/other aspects of life. It often feels like everything is happening at breakneck speed and some days I’m like crap I am doing the same thing that I did yesterday. Being an ESTP I think I’m like super disconnected with feelings.
Vanae, I really liked what you’ve listed above. Nicely put! I’m going to have to try this out. One question…What do you mean by “I’m not hard on myself, instead I think of how I can improve and make it my decision?”
Hi, iv recently discovered you on youtube looking up the word ‘need motivation’.
Im only 15, i live in Australia and i really never have a good day. I dont love myself. Whether its my older sister being really mean or my ‘friends’ not caring about me, i just dont know how to love myself when no one else cares about me.
Please help me because i hate feeling this way.
Regards, Ashley
Hi Ashley,
There are times in life when everything seems to be going against you.
You say you never really have a good day. What stops you having a good day? Is it other people’s behaviour or attitude toward you? What would be a good day for you?
If other people are mean or nasty or ignore you – that says a lot more about them than it says about you. But YOU know that you are a good and decent person who deserves care, attention, love and affection, and the right to be happy and enjoy your life.
If other people are nasty toward you or try to hurt you – YOU do not have to put up with it. You have the right to ignore what they say and the right to protect yourself. You deserve respect – therefore give yourself that respect. Recognise your feelings. Say out loud to others what bothers you, what you find unreasonable in their attitude or behaviour. Don’t put up with disrespect from others.
The people around you – or your “friends” – can appear to be selfish, uncaring, unreasonable at times. But people are people – with all mixtures of bad and good qualities. That is how they are. But these are not the only people you can be friends with. There are other people out there who can offer respect, kindness, and understanding. Try to talk and meet with people outside your normal circle of friends.
Think of an activity that you like doing, that you might enjoy (maybe with or without other people – going to the movies, kicking a ball in the park, hiking in the countryside, cooking and eating your favourite food, going to the music store). Take time out to do this activity regularly – let your mind and body relax and allow yourself to forget about life’s problems for a while.
Start loving yourself by giving yourself that respect, that care, that understanding that you deserve.
There is plenty of good advice on this site.
regards
Ben
hey Ash,
ben shared some really great thoughts and questions on approaching ‘how to love yourself’.
first, it’s an understanding of ‘why you feel that way’ and ‘what can i do to feel better’.
then it’s action, whether to shift your mindset to appreciate yourself more and do things to make you more happy. some activities, ben mentioned above.
a v’star recently shared this quote “Know that it’s? your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny”
-Anthony Robbins
email me if you’d like to chat more, dear
Vanae
BTW- thanks ben, for sharing and reaching out a hand to another v’star. you straight rock for that!
For me honestly, I am always trying to improve myself and work on my inner self… but the whole confidence thing has gotten me almost all my life… When I was really small, I was always outspoken but it changed when I started going to school…. I never got pre school so when I entered kindergarden I was a slower learner. Anyways… basically the teachers always organized these meetings with my parents acting like I would never amount to anything… I have nothing against hairdressers but they were pretty much saying I could be a hair dresser just because it is one of the easier job and only requires a grade 10. Also things like them saying I didn’t know what up and down was, which i did, and them pressuring my parents to put me into special classes that would get me really no where, it was really just really harassment… It kinda effected me all my life thinking I was never good enough but I just feel like I have been living with this belief for so long, it just doesn’t want to go away. I have so many dreams in life and so many things I want to do… But the confidence thing is what holds me back because then I seem quiet but really I am not, just not confident with myself.
That’s right Vanae. And i am a person who are learning myself and it’s getting better, but i got a question. If I accidentally love someone and put my 100% energy into her what should I do to stop that? Well i dont have this problem now and I am trying my best not to get into this situation either, but that was what happened to me few years ago and that was really a rough time.
So my question is how to love myself even if i am into a relationship?
hey,
i have a problem.
how can you love yourself, when nobody does it?
i mean,i have no cceptions, how can i love myself when i know that i have nothing?
i’m sorry for my bad english and hope for understanding because i’m from germany
sorry
line 3 word 6 means acception
Yo Vanae! Just wanted to say that your videos have really helped me through 2009, and its really weird that you just put up a video on “How to love yourself”. I say this because in my last relationship, she said “Andrew, I dont think you love me.” I knew I did, I mean after 2 years it had to be love right? But, heres the catch, I remember her telling me that “In order to love someone else, you must love yourself”. That day she said I didnt love her, I said many weak things, “I dont think I deserve you, Im not good enough, etc.” I even asked her, “Well how am I supposed to love myself?” she told me I had to find that out on my own. We’ve not been together for a while now, since last christmas, and it gave me a chance to really focus on me. What I want to do with my life, how I can learn to love myself. To answer your question, I love myself by my music. Being single for a while now has taught me that we have too much in our lives to mope around about a lost love. I took it as a learning experience, and as a building block to a castle. Ive matured from it, got a part time job, applied to Vancouver Film School, and really focusing on my happiness. I know I love myself now, its a matter of time until I can enter that castle.
My names Andrew Lumapas, Im 19, Im a musician. My dream is to become a successful video game composer.
And I hate to admit, your videos = my guilty pleasure. haha
Cheers V,
Andrew
hey andrew,
so happy to hear about your journey of loving yourself and finding happiness!
good luck with vancouver film school! i hear it’s great!
Vanae
I love myself and my sense of humor. I think I am more beautiful in a creative way. !
It is easy to get caught up in our materialistic world, and of course, there are times, when I feel like I just can’t keep up with the Jones’.
To keep myself sane, I have adopted the mantra from the classic song from Annie the musical, “You are Never Fully Dressed without a Smile.”
I have changed the words a bit though:
Who cares what they’re wearing on Main Street
or Santana Row
It’s what you wear from ear to ear
And not from head to toe that matters
Take it from me, it is amazing how your attitude about yourself can change by simply flashin’ a smile, and on top of that, you never know whose day your brightening. See ya on the Row!
I love this blog post. It is so important to love yourself and I definitely think it effects who you attract into your life. I read a great article about the steps you can take towards loving yourself at http://www.jasminbalance.com/2011/01/10/accept-and-love-yourself-in-10-simple-steps/. I hope you like it too.
Hi every one.
actually, if you love anything you have to know it very well so my Q to you lovely coach how do we know ourselves well?
thanks a lot for the great job
Playing basketball,watching a movie ( i watch a LOT of movies),buying me a cocktail,sleeping,but i rly admire the your 1st way,I’m just like ,i hate being misunderstood,good articles and vid’s…thank you soo much vanae !!