ASK VANAE FRIDAE
Q. Dear Vanae,
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and especially watching the videos. I just went through a break up, and
1.I miss my ex a lot, how can I get over this?
2.It’s so boring and lonely to be single, but I don’t want to just go out and date anyone. What can I do to feel better when I am lonely cuz I am single?
Nickie
A. Hey Nickie,
I know it can be really tough after a breakup. You feel an emptiness and disconnect from what you’ve known for some time. But trust me, once you take the time to understand your feelings & behavior to focus on yourself. You’ll be much happier. This way, you won’t be filling in the void with nonsense dating (rebounding) and you’ll grow, enriching your soul with goodness.
First, here’s the ‘how to survive a break-up’ video that you must watch.
Second, let’s dig a little deeper to overcome the loneliness:
Understand what’s going on in your heart & mind
1. When you’re lonely, what are you feeling?
2. Why are you lonely? Is it something’s missing? You don’t feel appreciated?
3. What makes you happy? Do that more often
4. What can you do to heal yourself?
YOU ARE YOUR BEST INVESTMENT!
This is the prime time to put yourself first, for a change, and live it up!
1. Once you understand why you were feeling lonely, you can address that core reasoning and speed up the healing process.
2. Learn to balance ‘being OK being alone’ yet ‘having a fun social life’ as well
3. Love yourself by treating yourself by appreciating all your good qualities and accepting the not-so-good qualities
4. Get social! Hang out with friends and meet new people, without the pressure of dating. HAVE FUN!
To sum it all up:
Dig deep to identify the core reasoning for loneliness.
Take time for yourself by healing and self empowerment, so you become a stronger and happier-you.
Open up to your support system (friends, family, confidants)
Have a social life! Get into hobbies and activities you’ve always wanted to do. Join meetup.com to meet cool new people and forget the pressure of dating..LIVE IT UP!!
Vanae’s tip of the dae: By digging deep you’ll find internal gold.
V’stars, what do you think?
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Yeah it can be tough, but once you focus on other things and stay busy it can help you avoid lingering thoughts. I’m not saying that you won’t bump into the occasional thing that reminds you of them, but it will definitely be a good step towards feelin fine in 09. too corny?
oh V found you on Twitta! cheers!
exactly. we can’t help but think about ur exs from time to time, but it’s about moving fwd.
tweet tweet!
=)
thanks tom!
I started learning Japanese after one of mine break-ups … or Public Speaking … or.. does not matter what…. As long as you are busy doing something creative, it does not really matter…and… you meet new people
how’s ur japanese?
i gained some valuable knowledge
Go have FUN!!!
You only live once, so why waste any more time being in the dumps… Cheers, were young! “let the good times roll.”
In my experiece, the best way to get over a break up is to avoid all contact with the ex (via phone numbers, e mail, MYSPACE, etc.) Having no contact with that person, makes the healing process go by much smoother.
Nickie, there is really is no over night cure for a broken heart. Only Father Time can mend it for you, but the process can be enlightening.
CONGRATS VANAE!!!!
You’ve reached 1,000 readers!!!!!!
Awesomeness!
That’s way exciting! let’s celebrate!
V
CHEERS!!! Let’s!
I second everyones recomendations, especially V’s. Stay busy, stay close to friends and time heels everything. Excercise, learn new things and continue to improve on yourself. Not for your ex, for yourself.
Alan C.
It’s tough I know. What worked for me is to get physical. And physical to the max. Gym every day, went back and trained for rostering at my old boxing gym. Signed up for a lot of friendly tournaments, sparring sessions, went rock climbing, extreme workouts at the beach, worked my body till I threw up (sometimes literally). OK, too much? Maybe. But overall, I got into shape, better shape than I was before, and it helped me get my mind of her and it made me feel better about myself and more self confident too. Try it out, and give yourself a little ego boost once in a while. Feel good about yourself.
Im not sure there is enof fish in the sea for me i need help and im not the best looking guy in the world
It just takes a little bit of work and some change of perspective mate. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want to look like. And work at it. Change doesn’t come overnight. It’s through the process of change that we learn more about ourselves and what we can accomplish. And its through the struggle of changing that we discover what it is truly we want from ourselves and what we want to be. I won’t lie, it can be tough, and it can be a gauntlet. But through hard work and rough times, the reward at the end is greater.
This was a great article, but I would like to ask if you have tried this program http://budurl.com/buzr I am thinking of trying it.
Please let me know what you think.
Thanks
let’s face it, break ups are always hard. It’s a breavement which only time will aid heal. However you loved that person wants, and that hurts. Most probably you will always hold a flame for them. Dont hide away from that love, embrace it and share it. Its the only way to move forward. Dont be in denial to yourself. Just another one of life’s experiences . Like annoying noisey neighbours.