ASK VANAE FRIDAE
Q. Dear Vanae,
I’ve enjoyed reading your blog and especially watching the videos. I just went through a break up, and
1.I miss my ex a lot, how can I get over this?
2.It’s so boring and lonely to be single, but I don’t want to just go out and date anyone. What can I do to feel better when I am lonely cuz I am single?
Nickie
A. Hey Nickie,
I know it can be really tough after a breakup. You feel an emptiness and disconnect from what you’ve known for some time. But trust me, once you take the time to understand your feelings & behavior to focus on yourself. You’ll be much happier. This way, you won’t be filling in the void with nonsense dating (rebounding) and you’ll grow, enriching your soul with goodness.
First, here’s the ‘how to survive a break-up’ video that you must watch.
Second, let’s dig a little deeper to overcome the loneliness:
Understand what’s going on in your heart & mind
1. When you’re lonely, what are you feeling?
2. Why are you lonely? Is it something’s missing? You don’t feel appreciated?
3. What makes you happy? Do that more often
4. What can you do to heal yourself?
YOU ARE YOUR BEST INVESTMENT!
This is the prime time to put yourself first, for a change, and live it up!
1. Once you understand why you were feeling lonely, you can address that core reasoning and speed up the healing process.
2. Learn to balance ‘being OK being alone’ yet ‘having a fun social life’ as well
3. Love yourself by treating yourself by appreciating all your good qualities and accepting the not-so-good qualities
4. Get social! Hang out with friends and meet new people, without the pressure of dating. HAVE FUN!
To sum it all up:
Dig deep to identify the core reasoning for loneliness.
Take time for yourself by healing and self empowerment, so you become a stronger and happier-you.
Open up to your support system (friends, family, confidants)
Have a social life! Get into hobbies and activities you’ve always wanted to do. Join meetup.com to meet cool new people and forget the pressure of dating..LIVE IT UP!!
Vanae’s tip of the dae: By digging deep you’ll find internal gold.
V’stars, what do you think?
Yeah it can be tough, but once you focus on other things and stay busy it can help you avoid lingering thoughts. I’m not saying that you won’t bump into the occasional thing that reminds you of them, but it will definitely be a good step towards feelin fine in 09. too corny?
oh V found you on Twitta! cheers!
exactly. we can’t help but think about ur exs from time to time, but it’s about moving fwd.
tweet tweet!
=)
thanks tom!
I started learning Japanese after one of mine break-ups … or Public Speaking … or.. does not matter what…. As long as you are busy doing something creative, it does not really matter…and… you meet new people
how’s ur japanese?
i gained some valuable knowledge
Go have FUN!!!
You only live once, so why waste any more time being in the dumps… Cheers, were young! “let the good times roll.”
In my experiece, the best way to get over a break up is to avoid all contact with the ex (via phone numbers, e mail, MYSPACE, etc.) Having no contact with that person, makes the healing process go by much smoother.
Nickie, there is really is no over night cure for a broken heart. Only Father Time can mend it for you, but the process can be enlightening.
CONGRATS VANAE!!!!
You’ve reached 1,000 readers!!!!!!
Awesomeness!
That’s way exciting! let’s celebrate!
V
CHEERS!!! Let’s!
Hey vanae wat kan I do when I can’t get over a break up
I second everyones recomendations, especially V’s. Stay busy, stay close to friends and time heels everything. Excercise, learn new things and continue to improve on yourself. Not for your ex, for yourself.
Alan C.
It’s tough I know. What worked for me is to get physical. And physical to the max. Gym every day, went back and trained for rostering at my old boxing gym. Signed up for a lot of friendly tournaments, sparring sessions, went rock climbing, extreme workouts at the beach, worked my body till I threw up (sometimes literally). OK, too much? Maybe. But overall, I got into shape, better shape than I was before, and it helped me get my mind of her and it made me feel better about myself and more self confident too. Try it out, and give yourself a little ego boost once in a while. Feel good about yourself.
Im not sure there is enof fish in the sea for me i need help and im not the best looking guy in the world
It just takes a little bit of work and some change of perspective mate. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you want to look like. And work at it. Change doesn’t come overnight. It’s through the process of change that we learn more about ourselves and what we can accomplish. And its through the struggle of changing that we discover what it is truly we want from ourselves and what we want to be. I won’t lie, it can be tough, and it can be a gauntlet. But through hard work and rough times, the reward at the end is greater.
This was a great article, but I would like to ask if you have tried this program http://budurl.com/buzr I am thinking of trying it.
Please let me know what you think.
Thanks
let’s face it, break ups are always hard. It’s a breavement which only time will aid heal. However you loved that person wants, and that hurts. Most probably you will always hold a flame for them. Dont hide away from that love, embrace it and share it. Its the only way to move forward. Dont be in denial to yourself. Just another one of life’s experiences . Like annoying noisey neighbours.
Hey wat sud I do when I can’t get over a break up
Dear Missy
you will, it will take time but you will.
I’m going through the same things.. it’s almost 3 weeks now
slowly, slowly but you will
you just need to get yourself to start thinking you want to get over it first
Im going through this as well.. I loved this girl with all my heart and she finally told me that she just didnt love me like that and fell in love with someone else.. I took some time to grieve and I felt like this world was against me since all i ever did was focus on making her happy…. And thats the problem you cant make anyone happy only you can make yourself happy..With that being said im taking this time to be a better version of myself and finally focus on the things that bring happiness in my life.. Thinks like guitar playing, capoeira, photography, riding my motorcycle, living life.. once you get in touch with what makes you happy and realizing that you dont need this person youll be so much happier. Life is beautiful and full of amazing experiences.. Remember after every rainstorm there is a rainbow.. Bad things happen to us because greater things are coming.. Namaste!
I am also going through a break up. Its been a long time coming and we both played with the idea of breaking up but never could stay away. We were happy for a good while until she left for school a couple states away. It broke my heart. I remember the last look she gave me before getting on the plane. I was so crushed and didnt care who saw a grown man cry. I soon realized that I couldn’t let her go and decided to move with her. What I expected while there was her attention and affection but it turned out that all her interest was in her studies and school events. I felt more alone there than without her. A month passed and I left. As soon as I got back home, I regretted leaving. I was a mess. Even after that we stayed together through this. But I could tell that the damage had been done and things would never be the same which I ignored. I kept fighting. I kept telling her how much I loved her and believed in us. She was different. Once again sad. Missing her smell her touch and not even able to see a time when I could visit. Finally we called it quits over a few text messages. So sad that it is reduced to this. Not in the same state no mutual friends. Like two passing ships in the night. But yet one of the most important people that I’ve ever met. She was so good to me, and I her. This is still very fresh and I still cry.
Never thought I could love so much. But now it’s time for me. My life starts now. A fresh start to a new me! Life is great and I’m so blessed to be who I am and family I have. Seek support, write your feelings in a journal, excersise, pray, sing, paint, go out and look good. Be confident and don’t even think about someone new. The best thrive comes unexpected. When your ready you won’t even know what hits you. Love isn’t automatic. Be happy for every breath alive. Strive to be whole and enjoy the ride.