after a breakup, you wonder if you’ll ever be friends again…considering all the pain, mistakes, intensity, love, happiness, and sorrow that you went through.
two highlights of my year are:
1) forgiving my most recent ex-boyfriend, BT
2) more significantly, forgiving the man who broke my heart in 2005, JB
it took me some time to get to this place of zen and realization that holding negative energy, makes your life heavy..it weighs it down. it was a major move to forgave JB, when got in contact with me after 3 years.
then, one of the main things that helped me come to forgive BT, is reflecting back to my most recent relationship with him and realizing how healthy it was. it was the best relationship i’ve ever had. we shared our lives, our love, our friends, our compassion for people, our love for music and our growing pains. WE WERE BEST FRIENDS.
then we lost that closeness once we broke up, because i had resentments for the mistakes he made. now, i think about those mistakes and they are a speck of sand compared to what we can absorb from this world, from each other. to lose a best friend because it didn’t work out romantically…it’s a shame.
but i do have to mention, in order come to this point of forgiveness and peace, you must have spent enough time away from each other to reflect, understand and be at peace with yourself. it took me 3 years to respond to JB and let him know that i forgive him. and tonight (after more than a year), i also forgave BT.
but when i did, it meant the world to me. as it did to them.
have you forgiven your ex? how did you let them know?
vanae (feeling light as a feather)
I just broke up couple of months back and after reading this, somehow I still find it very hard to have her as a friend, especially up to now, I still love her and I can’t forgive myself for the hurt i caused her.
I salute you for being to do something I fear I might never have the courage to do so.
Your words makes great sense, and hope one day I could do the same as you did.
Laterz
awe,, I never realized that you are going to get to personal with your shares online.. I thought you will just be tipping and giving guides for a Happier persona of a person,,
hearing this kinds of stuff really makes us know more about you..
I have learned to always forgive anyone,, either ex GF or enemies.. I may feel annoyed with some, but I never keep any anger or some sort.. I learned forgiveness after realizing that God always forgives us, so who am I not to, right?
I have forgiven and responded positively. Another’s choice was no repose at all. It is whatever.
it took me about three years to forgive my ex. during that time i reflected on our relationship and in time i grew to find peace within myself knowing that the good memories outweighed the bad in the end. i actually haven’t let her know yet simply because she hates me for no apparent reason and the fact that she has given birth to twins. btw, we’re both only 17 now, so it was young love.
I forgave him, I let him know through text. It took me 8 months to realize that he was the one who lost. He hates me, But it was his choice to cheat on me, not mine, so I made sure I let him know, it was ok. He still wont speak to me till this day, i guess he feels Its my fault, or is too embarassed to talk to me.. but i don’t really worry much, time always comes arround for us.
Hi Vanae,
I’m all the way down in melbourne, Australia but yet your website is the most useful i have found. I just thought i’ll drop a note to tell you that your website is international.
thanks david!
and greetings to Australia!!!!
glad to know that my blog is reaching people of different pockets of this earth
I broke up with ex in summer, begged her till I lost control and was met with threat. I saw side of me I never seen before (suffer from OCD/Tourettes).
I can’t control myself around her – I just want to hold her in my arms and for both us to feel safe, but she just sees me as big brother now.
I’m in late 20s but this been first relationship yet I’m still a baby in some respects…
I know have to move on, but I feel indebted to her and family; feel like I betrayed them and I cry.
She e-mail me after my inbox bounced, say she pray 4 me and hopes I get better (I was on antidepressants and lost lot of weight).
I can’t stop thinking about her and ask Almighty God to take the pain away and renounce her to heal myself, yet make me stronger so we can get back together.
People say find someone else, but to me that’s dishonour to evrything she gave to me; I consider gift from God.
I thank God she forgiven me, but I’m tempted to contact her, even go to her church and propose.
It’s sucks that she is like forbidden fruit, and that I have so low-self worth. I feel like ending it all sometimes, but I love Jesus- don’t want to go to hell..
?????
Things looking much brighter!! we e-mail each other back and forth all time…Friendship at moment keeping me steady, but still feel for her… keeping my composure..
Take care V and V-Stars..
I don’t think I ever forgave and I will never be able to because I don’t know where she is now…. It still haunts me till this day. I regret it now. It was her fault but I don’t believe I ever forgave her…this will be with me till my dying days!!!
My last relationship i was in last fall in college ended on a bad note. We didnt argue or anything but it’s a really horrible feeling to be let down. The way she told me how she felt about me and everthing, I never really had a girl tell me that. But I have not talk to her since then but about two mouths later, she already dating another guy. So yeah, i dont think we are really friends anymore and plus she was young and we’re both in college. So i learned something.
Bro you gotta move on because am sure where ever she is right now, am pretty sure she moved on too. I know it is easier said then done but eveything has a process of moving forward. You know what i mean? If it was her fault then she was the one that f@$ked up leaving you. You should live it up and feel like where ever that chick is right now, she is sure is missing out something great. You feel me bro? So be cool.
Hi Vanae,
My ex broke up with me last June and unfortunately somehow I’m still grieving about it. We previously chatted and supposedly forgave eachother. But still in my mind and in my heart I know I still have hate and regrets inside about our relationship.
So I guess this is not really a complete closure for me…