1. united in wedlock; wedded: married couples.
2. of or pertaining to marriage or married persons; connubial; conjugal: married happiness.
3. (of an antique) created from components of two or more authentic pieces.
4. interconnected or joined; united.
5. (of a family name) acquired through marriage.
I don’t really believe we’re meant to be long-term monogamous creatures, and the only thing that seperates us from other mammals is our ability to take conscious decisions, and realize what effect they have on a very profound level.
If you consciously decided to marry someone, with the prospect of spending your life with him/her there should be a profound level of trust, to such a degree that everything else is just subordinate to that trust. If you then violate that trust, then what differentiates you from any other mammal?
(btw : Im not saying “ignore your feelings”, I’m saying be very aware that you have them, and then control them for your own sake)
Please dont get involved with a married person!
It will turn out disastrous for all parties.
No, I was the not the pursuer, nor was I the one being pursued.
I was the naive husband that didnt know his wife was involved with another married man.
The other guy had young kids and a loyal wife – well not anymore last time I heard.
I didnt have kids but I did lose my heart and my sanity.
Cuts run deep. Faith and hope no longer have meaning.
One’s heart is never complete after going through something like this.
I understand seduction and passion are quite exciting. We all fight the battle between will power and temptation every single day.
However, please take a step back and think of not just yourself, but try and understand the incredible damage one can cause to the relating parties.
Nobody comes out better.
One thing that this video doesn’t touch on is if it does “work out”, which by the way, it NEVER does. Ask around and try to find even one of your friends where this has worked out well for. Doesn’t happen. Anyway, even if she magically gets a divorce and you fall in love and get married, you’re now married to a woman with a history of getting divorces to be with some other guy. Guess what. It happens again. Use your head. You don’t want to be with somebody who is unfaithful, do you?
I was in a relationship earlier this year that had to do with this subject. I went out with this girl who I thought was single, but after we first went out she told me she had a boyfriend. My usual rule would be to thank her for the good time and cut things off, but I got caught up… and it didn’t lead to anything good.
After I felt used and abused. It’s like a drug people, don’t do it.
I have my own personal policy/moral code when it comes to going after someone has a boyfriend, fiance, or husband. The last thing I want is negative blowback or even to break a relationship, happy or not. I would never do that anybody. Also, I feel the need to have to look at a woman’s left hand if she catches my interests.
I wouldn’t even recommend trying to be just a friend. I am speaking from first hand experience. All parties will just end up hurt, and in the words of Vanae, “you don’t want to be the sideline guy.” So many other people out in the world, just have to find them. It’s been a year and I still can’t get her out of my mind or get rid of the pain in my heart.
Well, I’ve brought this up with my shrink (although the person had “only” a boyfriend) and he said the opposite. Basically, suggesting that she is a big girl and entirely capable of making her own decisions. She knows what she is getting into, and her going out and dating is evidence of said decision. If she wishes to “betray” her current boyfriend, it is not “my” problem and/or my right to make a decision /for/ her (by ending it). To do so, would be suggest that a woman is not entirely capable of making her own decisions (like dad taking away the daughters car keys) and be taking away /her/ power.
In the end, things went nowhere so it was all moot but this is a very interesting counter viewpoint.
I’ve been a sub for several months now and this time finally am checking out Vanae . com.
With space limited, I couldn’t say everything I would have liked to on your acct.
I’ll just say a little here that I left out there re: Being with a married woman.
It was hot, the absolute hottest. She brought me to the mountain top, and you know how that can be. Once you’ve been there, it’s tough to not compare all of those who follow.
But, she and I were getting it on on her couch & her 5 yr. old daughter walked in on us. She was supposed to be asleep, but that wasn’t the issue. The issue was why did she have to see some strange man w/her mom like that.
That’s what did it for me. This lady that same week arranged to hook up with another dude(not the husband), I was crushed but never let her see it. I dumped her and was damaged pretty good for a while. Got what I deserved, really. Well, probably a lot less than deserved.
I believe it wasn’t her that made it so hot; now looking back, I believe it was the Taboo factor that did.
And looking back, I think she wanted to get busted on the couch w/me, but not by her daughter.
She once explained that that’s how she found her husband w/their bank teller.
I was 21, she was 26. I was way too un-knowing to see what she was doing. Someone could’ve ended up hurt or worse. We see news reports of stuff like this all the time, don’t we?
But, I agree. Hands off married women. Never cheated on a GF ever and never been with a lady who was in a relationship again.
Thanks for raising this, Vanae. I think it’s a topic that most people have general ideas or positions on — only to compromise or reverse them in specific sitautions. I would never do that…except with her because she’s amazing, checked out of the marriage, about to divorce, etc. Just don’t go there. It can’t end well and odds are that it will end badly, for everyone.
thanks for sharing your thoughts, david. sometimes it’s really hard to see clearly or steer clear from this. but one must, for moral and heartache prevention
No way hosay! That’s a bad idea first off it shows that shes not trust worthy and if the two of ye go off together whos to say she won’t do the same thing and cheat on you. Also being a roman catholic I should and do beleive it’s a sin. Personally speaking I would never get involved with a married woman or engaged woman think of all the trauma it could do to people. You could have a one night stand with someone married and she or he could wake up with regret, guilt and all sorts of extreme stuff and then you would be held responsable for this destroying of something that was and could of been so great for the rest of their lives! married people are out of bounds people!!!
NO! Just NO! Do not touch! Do not pass Go! Don’t even look again!
If the person you are after is simply dating a person and that’s an electric fence, then a married person should be five foot thick concrete wall lined with barbed wire with armed guards equipped with the finest of sniper rifles lining the parpets with two square miles of MINE FIELD to cross. No person in their right mind would try to get through that!
Honestly? What makes you think they’ll be faithful to you if they won’t stay faithful to their husband or wife? What earthly reason would you have to pursue such a person?
So, if a woman (or man) is married then STAY AWAY FROM THEM! They are not worth the time or trouble.
All right, how about this? There’s a girl I like with a bf. They’re not married. Not even engaged, just dating. I know, I know, “Electric Fence.”
But would it be OK to say to her sometime,
“Mary, you look really outstanding today!”
OR
“Mary, you look absolutely delicious today!”
Which is what I really want to say. Because in her case, it’s true. She just seems to look more stunning all the time. I’d like to say something like that to her at least once. She’s smart, she’s classy, all that, but I just want to drop a good, flirtatious compliment on her at least once. What do you think Vanae?
Btw, I do know her fairly well; we talk casually about once or twice a week in class. So it’s not like I’m a weird, creepy stranger. We know each other.
saying ‘you look delicious’ might be much, considering she’s taken. it depends on what’s your intent.
if it’s just to pay a compliment, then ‘you look outstanding today’ is perfect. no need to go further. if your intent is more than that, i wouldn’t go for it.
what guys don’t understand about unavailable chicks is that even if they ‘just’ have a bf, or having a bad relationship, they’re STILL IN a relationship. and she has to come to terms with it on her own pace.
i’ve seen SOOOO many guys get caught in the crossfire, become the SIDE LINE guy then get their heart crushed because he got involved with a chick who has a bf or just out of a relationship.
agree……its like walking around without a shoe on..your going to get stopped eventually. Another thing is that if somebody is married then that means that they loves their their couple enough to tie the knot so why would you wanna break the connection between them. by the way, what if the couple finds out and wants to kill you for doing it? All i can say is your screwed so its better to keep it in your pants.
I am going through that right now and it is not pleasent..My wife of four yrs and together 14yrs has asked for seperation and after i gave it to her stated dating this guy that i assumed at the time when they were talking on the phone were just friends…Still going thorugh it now …oo yeah we also have a six year old daughter together…Its really hard on me…Do not do this to anyone cause it could cause permanent damage to someone and thier child
once i was involve with a girl which we were datin like a year an a half since she was girlfiend of someone i know and until a couple of months after she was married. and believe it was very painfull to me because i really trust her that i was the man who complements her but she refuse to broke up with his boyfriend and less whe he was her husband; so don’t date with married people a the begining coulbe like a kind of exiting fantasi but at the end. it becomes in to a painfull nightmare.
It is one extreme to become too involved with a married woman. It is another extreme to never speak to her ever again. It would be nice if boundaries were set. Perhaps they should meet each others families and get to know each other.
mar?ried?[mar-eed] –adjective
1. united in wedlock; wedded: married couples.
2. of or pertaining to marriage or married persons; connubial; conjugal: married happiness.
3. (of an antique) created from components of two or more authentic pieces.
4. interconnected or joined; united.
5. (of a family name) acquired through marriage.
AGEED!
uh-oh….. Try not to trudge there… don’t event think about it.
But in case you do, here are the things you need to take of:
1. the feelings of others
2. the perception of your community
3. the consequences of your actions
If you let go in the end, i would suggest not going in to this territory.
-bim
I don’t really believe we’re meant to be long-term monogamous creatures, and the only thing that seperates us from other mammals is our ability to take conscious decisions, and realize what effect they have on a very profound level.
If you consciously decided to marry someone, with the prospect of spending your life with him/her there should be a profound level of trust, to such a degree that everything else is just subordinate to that trust. If you then violate that trust, then what differentiates you from any other mammal?
(btw : Im not saying “ignore your feelings”, I’m saying be very aware that you have them, and then control them for your own sake)
Please dont get involved with a married person!
It will turn out disastrous for all parties.
No, I was the not the pursuer, nor was I the one being pursued.
I was the naive husband that didnt know his wife was involved with another married man.
The other guy had young kids and a loyal wife – well not anymore last time I heard.
I didnt have kids but I did lose my heart and my sanity.
Cuts run deep. Faith and hope no longer have meaning.
One’s heart is never complete after going through something like this.
I understand seduction and passion are quite exciting. We all fight the battle between will power and temptation every single day.
However, please take a step back and think of not just yourself, but try and understand the incredible damage one can cause to the relating parties.
Nobody comes out better.
One thing that this video doesn’t touch on is if it does “work out”, which by the way, it NEVER does. Ask around and try to find even one of your friends where this has worked out well for. Doesn’t happen. Anyway, even if she magically gets a divorce and you fall in love and get married, you’re now married to a woman with a history of getting divorces to be with some other guy. Guess what. It happens again. Use your head. You don’t want to be with somebody who is unfaithful, do you?
I was in a relationship earlier this year that had to do with this subject. I went out with this girl who I thought was single, but after we first went out she told me she had a boyfriend. My usual rule would be to thank her for the good time and cut things off, but I got caught up… and it didn’t lead to anything good.
After I felt used and abused. It’s like a drug people, don’t do it.
I have my own personal policy/moral code when it comes to going after someone has a boyfriend, fiance, or husband. The last thing I want is negative blowback or even to break a relationship, happy or not. I would never do that anybody. Also, I feel the need to have to look at a woman’s left hand if she catches my interests.
HELL NOOOOOOO ! I won’t even think about her or look at her
I wouldn’t even recommend trying to be just a friend. I am speaking from first hand experience. All parties will just end up hurt, and in the words of Vanae, “you don’t want to be the sideline guy.” So many other people out in the world, just have to find them. It’s been a year and I still can’t get her out of my mind or get rid of the pain in my heart.
To sum it all up…NO NO NO…END OF STORY.
Well, I’ve brought this up with my shrink (although the person had “only” a boyfriend) and he said the opposite. Basically, suggesting that she is a big girl and entirely capable of making her own decisions. She knows what she is getting into, and her going out and dating is evidence of said decision. If she wishes to “betray” her current boyfriend, it is not “my” problem and/or my right to make a decision /for/ her (by ending it). To do so, would be suggest that a woman is not entirely capable of making her own decisions (like dad taking away the daughters car keys) and be taking away /her/ power.
In the end, things went nowhere so it was all moot but this is a very interesting counter viewpoint.
Well, Vanae.
I already commented on this, but on your YT acct.
I’ve been a sub for several months now and this time finally am checking out Vanae . com.
With space limited, I couldn’t say everything I would have liked to on your acct.
I’ll just say a little here that I left out there re: Being with a married woman.
It was hot, the absolute hottest. She brought me to the mountain top, and you know how that can be. Once you’ve been there, it’s tough to not compare all of those who follow.
But, she and I were getting it on on her couch & her 5 yr. old daughter walked in on us. She was supposed to be asleep, but that wasn’t the issue. The issue was why did she have to see some strange man w/her mom like that.
That’s what did it for me. This lady that same week arranged to hook up with another dude(not the husband), I was crushed but never let her see it. I dumped her and was damaged pretty good for a while. Got what I deserved, really. Well, probably a lot less than deserved.
I believe it wasn’t her that made it so hot; now looking back, I believe it was the Taboo factor that did.
And looking back, I think she wanted to get busted on the couch w/me, but not by her daughter.
She once explained that that’s how she found her husband w/their bank teller.
I was 21, she was 26. I was way too un-knowing to see what she was doing. Someone could’ve ended up hurt or worse. We see news reports of stuff like this all the time, don’t we?
But, I agree. Hands off married women. Never cheated on a GF ever and never been with a lady who was in a relationship again.
That is one way to open the gates of hell.
-El Stevo/SF/CA/US
hey stevo,
thanks for sharing your experience with other V’stars!
i hope that others learn from your past.
=)
vanae
Thanks for raising this, Vanae. I think it’s a topic that most people have general ideas or positions on — only to compromise or reverse them in specific sitautions. I would never do that…except with her because she’s amazing, checked out of the marriage, about to divorce, etc. Just don’t go there. It can’t end well and odds are that it will end badly, for everyone.
thanks for sharing your thoughts, david. sometimes it’s really hard to see clearly or steer clear from this. but one must, for moral and heartache prevention
=)
V
No way hosay! That’s a bad idea first off it shows that shes not trust worthy and if the two of ye go off together whos to say she won’t do the same thing and cheat on you. Also being a roman catholic I should and do beleive it’s a sin. Personally speaking I would never get involved with a married woman or engaged woman think of all the trauma it could do to people. You could have a one night stand with someone married and she or he could wake up with regret, guilt and all sorts of extreme stuff and then you would be held responsable for this destroying of something that was and could of been so great for the rest of their lives! married people are out of bounds people!!!
NO! Just NO! Do not touch! Do not pass Go! Don’t even look again!
If the person you are after is simply dating a person and that’s an electric fence, then a married person should be five foot thick concrete wall lined with barbed wire with armed guards equipped with the finest of sniper rifles lining the parpets with two square miles of MINE FIELD to cross. No person in their right mind would try to get through that!
Honestly? What makes you think they’ll be faithful to you if they won’t stay faithful to their husband or wife? What earthly reason would you have to pursue such a person?
So, if a woman (or man) is married then STAY AWAY FROM THEM! They are not worth the time or trouble.
V:
All right, how about this? There’s a girl I like with a bf. They’re not married. Not even engaged, just dating. I know, I know, “Electric Fence.”
But would it be OK to say to her sometime,
“Mary, you look really outstanding today!”
OR
“Mary, you look absolutely delicious today!”
Which is what I really want to say. Because in her case, it’s true. She just seems to look more stunning all the time. I’d like to say something like that to her at least once. She’s smart, she’s classy, all that, but I just want to drop a good, flirtatious compliment on her at least once. What do you think Vanae?
Btw, I do know her fairly well; we talk casually about once or twice a week in class. So it’s not like I’m a weird, creepy stranger. We know each other.
hey tonyA,
saying ‘you look delicious’ might be much, considering she’s taken. it depends on what’s your intent.
if it’s just to pay a compliment, then ‘you look outstanding today’ is perfect. no need to go further. if your intent is more than that, i wouldn’t go for it.
what guys don’t understand about unavailable chicks is that even if they ‘just’ have a bf, or having a bad relationship, they’re STILL IN a relationship. and she has to come to terms with it on her own pace.
i’ve seen SOOOO many guys get caught in the crossfire, become the SIDE LINE guy then get their heart crushed because he got involved with a chick who has a bf or just out of a relationship.
agree……its like walking around without a shoe on..your going to get stopped eventually. Another thing is that if somebody is married then that means that they loves their their couple enough to tie the knot so why would you wanna break the connection between them. by the way, what if the couple finds out and wants to kill you for doing it? All i can say is your screwed so its better to keep it in your pants.
The only comment I have is, “Never ever get involved with a married woman or a woman that has a boyfriend.” That’s a big “NO”! Be respectful!
I was married 5 yrs.. and it happened to me… I WOULD NEVER CAUSE ANYONE the kind of pain.. THEY CAUSED ME…. all i have to say….
I am going through that right now and it is not pleasent..My wife of four yrs and together 14yrs has asked for seperation and after i gave it to her stated dating this guy that i assumed at the time when they were talking on the phone were just friends…Still going thorugh it now …oo yeah we also have a six year old daughter together…Its really hard on me…Do not do this to anyone cause it could cause permanent damage to someone and thier child
hey khoa,
i’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this heartache. i wish you smooth healing and strength
Vanae
once i was involve with a girl which we were datin like a year an a half since she was girlfiend of someone i know and until a couple of months after she was married. and believe it was very painfull to me because i really trust her that i was the man who complements her but she refuse to broke up with his boyfriend and less whe he was her husband; so don’t date with married people a the begining coulbe like a kind of exiting fantasi but at the end. it becomes in to a painfull nightmare.
It is one extreme to become too involved with a married woman. It is another extreme to never speak to her ever again. It would be nice if boundaries were set. Perhaps they should meet each others families and get to know each other.