I want to share V’star Aaron’s story on how he was liberated after listening to my advice and confronting the flakey girl in his life:
So just wanted to tell you this story that I hope your other Vstars will relate to
I had this flakey girl that I was totally into. She worked at my job and for whatever reason I was attracted to (can’t always explain attraction in logical terms)
Anyway, I had hung out with her a few times but noticed that she wasn’t returning my phone calls. I confronted her about this head on about a call she did not return where i invited her to meet me for an art walk (she likes to paint). Basically, I told her “This is a HUGE turn off for me. I have my job and school which keeps my life occupied and i don’t have time for social games”. After she said, oh I’m not playing games, sorry you feel that way…I continued
“this has been a pattern and its a pattern I’m sick of being in.” after that she responded “well maybe its best if we are friends” which at this point i calmly stated “you know, i don’t think that’s going to work for me” after she asked why i said…”i’m not looking for a friend, and if i was, i would want one who would return my calls”.
It felt so liberating!!! Please guys, confront the situation head on….you will feel so much better and confident in the end. KNOW YOUR WORTH!
V’stars, if you’re in this situation, you know what to do. For those who been there and liberated, what did you do and how did it feel?
yes i can relate… even with some friends. u know the ones that don’t call back or cancel plans at the last minute. that can get pretty irritating. it does feel good when you make a stand for yourself… although I think sometimes i’m just a little too nice to people.
i know what you mean. i have a couple of friends who are pretty flakey.
If she doesn’t return calls it means she is not interested. What’s the point to “confront” her? Just act accoroding to the fact that she is not interested.
I can understand if they dont call back… that is not fair and obviously not a good friend… But the only thing is with that… they can not help it if they view you as a friend… I can’t stand it when someone doesn’t even want to talk to you if you only want to be friends. You can not help your emotions. I know they want to be more than that but in my opinion, it is better to be a friend than be nothing at all, and not even in your life… It just makes the other person feel horrible because they do not have feelings for that person… Is that fair? I can agree with others if the person never calls..that is rude, but other wise, the person can not help who they have feelings for.
You have to ask this though? Is it fair for me to just act as a friend when my feelings towards her aren’t as just friends? Should I compromise my own feelings?
The not calling back was very periodic, like it would go on a few different times, I’d bring it up and for a while she would respond or at least text back. However, after a few cycles of this, I just didn’t feel like I needed to deal with that.
Honestly, telling her off never felt so good in that moment.
Hey vanae
I would first like to say Merry Christmas to everyone. I personally think Aaron needs to move on, if a person doesn’t want to be sociable with you and still regard you as a friend is a load of BULLSHIT! Why waste your time ? Before moving on, i Think Aaron needs to explain his feelings and emotions to this girl. You never know she might fall for him then, if not trust me forget about her and move on and don”t be so miserable about it! LOL I have experienced a similar kinda thing, but hey i moved on.
Alfie,
I am moving on. It sucks, but I think the point of Vanae sharing this was that I took an active stance and showed value.
The part that was left out which I told Vanae later was that she texted me that same night and expressed how sorry she felt that we couldn’t be friends and how wonderful of a guy I was.
Still, I can’t just be friends with someone who is unreliable.
Wow that’s right where I am right now, I’m not sure what i should do tho.. hurm, i think i can change her mind? but maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
Weaklings “confront” in this case. Attractive men are already busy with other women instead.
David,
You completely missed it.Weaklings wouldn’t confront at all in this situation. In fact, they would put up with the negative behavior and TRY some other way to put her on a pedestal. Most people are actually anxious or scared of confronting in general, let alone approaching a female in the first place.
My only thing with this is that if you really like her, get to know her well. Sometimes being a friend is the best thing you can do because eventually she will realize how good of guy you are and really know what you are about… If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. My thing with guys is that sometimes I don’t necessarily like them right away but eventually I just might like them because I see who they are and get to really trust them…