Awesome Chris, my designer, is in town so I’ve been busy showing him around. Admiring the beautiful bay, walking across the Golden Gate Bridge, the uniqueness of this melting pot. It’s nice to re-appreciate your area when a visitor is in town and you’re discovering your city all over again. And introducing yummy ethnic foods that are first-times for him (he’s from Germany). So we’ve had sushi, wonderful thai food, vietnamese pho and will be taking him to Ethiopian! So that’s a quick update of what I’ve been up to…
So now, I present another round of GAME DAE WEDNESDAE!
Survey: Do you find it refreshing when a female initiates? Or does it come off too strong or desperate? Or should males still do the chivalry work?
V’stars, I wanna hear it directly from you!
Basically, should females initiate? Lady v’stars, do you like to initiate? Thoughts?
I have nothing against when she is initiating. Until she is not clingy and not needy/desperate, everything is ok.
clingy or needy guy/girl is super unattractive. i agree.
Yes, they can.
As long as the same rules apply when a man asks a woman. Meaning don’t go in too strong, we get scared too.
A coffee, or a drink is good as a first date.
i like that you mentioned not going in ‘too strong’. we need to run away from something going fierce in our direction.
It depends. If she is feminine and not too manly then it’s okay.
wait, you don’t like manly chicks? what about this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSILex-2Uu8
Vanae
I agree with all the vstars
I find it totally refreshing when a woman does the approach-work! It shows confidence, which can be hot, and takes some of the weight off of our shoulders (as normally chivalrous guys).
yars! initative is hotness!
i believe that a girl/woman should do the initiating because most guys who i know would almost always say yes,
and like finley said it can be hot for the female to start things off for a change.
for me to initiate that would be terrifying, but it’s not a bad thing. but it’s great both ways, i guess.
v’star lauren,
apparently from what the guy v’stars are saying, they like us to initiate. isn’t terrifying if you just do it and have confidence in yourself. most guys wish that chicks would approach them!
so that’s an advantage for us
It would be great if they did, but most won’t. It’s a double standard, but women (I think) worry about how their advance will be perceived as more than is meant to. Until we (men as a group) change, women will play it safe. Why not? Has worked so far…
hey v’star chris,
i’m seeing more and more, that women are assertive – esp older women who know what they want.
i, personally, love initiating because i know that i’m making it happen, going for what i want vs. waiting.
I totally dig the older females!!! For that exact reason. I’m 21 but damn, girls my age just don’t get it. They never ask for what they want and it’s obnoxious for me. Any girl approaching me instantly gets my attention but it seems to be only the older ones that are assertive enough to keep me interested.
I don’t see why there would be any problem for a female to initiate. we’re in the 21st century, everything progress on the line. Don’t think it will make any exemption for females not to initiate. To be honest, it takes balls of steel (courage lol!!!).
however, it gives mix reactions. Contrarily, most females prefers the traditional method, which is men asking out the women. In my own opinion, if you like someone, and the other person likes you it really doesn’t matter who asks who out. Your main goal is to be with that person. I strongly believe who ever takes the first step should not be an obstacle.
i agree with yah, v’star kai.
though i initiate, i love it when a guy can take charge and show initiative.
I found it very refreshing and quite a role reversal when a friend of mine “initiated” and to a certain degree controlled the dates we went on. It was nice to not have to think about things and just let her take charge. I could see some men finding this type of loss of control unnerving and possibly demasculating to some degreee, but I know I liked it – I turned my brain off the details of the date and focused on her instead of where to go, what to order etc.
I think she found it somewhat of a power trip so I guess it worked for both of us.
So to answer your question, yes, why shouldn’t a woman intiate.
Of course the female should intiate. Whether you are male or female, you’re always flattered when someone asks you out. Men love it when women ask them out. Agressive women are definately sexy and sexually more attractive. It’s always the guy who has to do everything;
-Ask them out, pick them up, pay for dinner, etc. So it’s a refreshing change once in a while.
Conversely (old subject): While the woman should offer once in a while, the guy should always be prepared to pay for dinner, dates, etc. Even though times have changed somewhat, the male still needs to be able to be the provider (breadwinner); and the female needs to know that he can, to take him seriously and for the relationship to progress in a meaningful way. -IMO
very good points here v’star john!
kudos.
yes, they should. Because every time I initiate something bad happens.
Personally, I think it’s sexy. Then again, I’m a sucker for strong women. Submissive women usually turn me off mainly because I like to have arguments (discussions where one becomes enlightened to another point of view). Submissive women tend to keep their opinions to themselves and don’t offer much in this category. Also, I don’t have to worry about strong women as much when I’m not there. I’m more than confident that they can take care of themselves. Do I still worry? Yes, but not as much.
So women doing the asking is quite alright and usually quite the refreshing turn of events.
the positive of being able to initate the approach is you gain confidence out of it. Plus make a guy feel special at least, because I know you women feel special when the guy approaches.
I don’t think it’s a problem but for me i find it way too scary.
I did that when I tried to ask this guy to prom. It worked out pretty
well since he said yes but I was so nervous the whole time lol.
I deffinately wouldn’t do it unless I absolutly have too besides I still
think it’s sweet when the guy makes the first move
Guys out there, grow a pair.
Its perfectley acceptable when a woman intiates the conversation/ pays compliments to a guy or even starts flirting. But seriously guys should take the responsibility of sexually escalating with a woman
I could yap about this one all friggin day.
If you were to go out and ask a bunch of women if they would rather approach a guy or have a guy approach them, the majority would rather be approached. And the whole guy = aggressor and woman = submissive thing is a lot of times at the back of people’s minds because a)it’s actually kind of natural but mostly B)It’s been socially programmed into us.
Sure, we may have had a women’s rights movement and women up to this point (especially younger ones) are free to be as sexual and up front as they want.(Which by the way, I think the movement may have actually made men a bit more submissive and weak in the later years.) But all that fighting for the right and I sometimes think it had nothing to do with rights and more to do with men’s lack of respect for women at the time. Women wanted a fair shake at mans work, money, and most of all, ability to be the sex they were without the need for apology.
Anyways, that being said. If a woman wants to approach a guy, she should have the right to walk up and say exactly what’s on her mind without feeling the least bad about it. That’s not to say that people won’t react badly, but seriously. It’s 2009. Things have changed. Man or Woman, if you like what you see, then go get what you want.
Peace
i have no problem if women initiate,in fact i find it attractive it shows she doesn’t care how it looks but that she knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask. (kinda what women expect from men) also i think in if women do ask out men i feel they should have a female vibe about it.
Personally, I also find it attractive when girls take the initiative, as well.
I think that being chivalrous is a good thing but there’s a stigma still lingering about where it’s thought that it’s the “job” of the male to do the initiating and the bread winning, etc etc.
I’m all for equal opportunity! It takes the pressure off the males and the women can just know what’s up right off the bat!
Its COMPLETELY refreshing having a broad approach and initiate her intentions!!! Gentlemen this ends that God forsaken guessing games!!!!!!!!!!!
If she’s strictly lookin for ass, she will let it be known!!!
This is typically accomplished by going after older chicks. Rock concerts, bars what ever… These ladies are not bashful about what they want.!.
Go out and pull tail sirs!
In my case, i think it could be a 50/50..she could be the iniator and i can do the closing, like ok i know you’ve like/love me for a while, so when are you gonna ask me?and then i could do the closing..could take some guts and balls, but i know i can do it now. I just need a little push from her, thats how my life works.
ok, im going off topic but it involves dinner since again i never been on a relationship, so that means even if the woman is financially depended, the man has to pay still?Cause for example as i sometimes give her gifts, i would like to receive a gift from her once in a while..im not sure.
i would love it if girls initiated, it would make life so much easier for us, so long as the girl is honest about it and not overly pushing it if we don’t seem interested at first.
if a girl were to initiate it the first couple of times and i were to like her i would do my part to keep the relationship going
If she’s NORMAL and HOT, YES! The problem its the chicks that are either TOO OLD, UGLY, OBESE, or F#cked in the head that initiate.
Gosh you know, I just had a friend tell me the other day that a girl was into me and wanted to let me know through my friend. Of course my friend wouldn’t tell me who this mystery girl is, but i did find it refreshing that she told me perhaps not indirectly but at least she did something, haa i kinda wish she’d just tell me who she is! that’s my 2 cents Cap’n!
I think its best if guys initiate. This has nothing to do with being backwards or traditional. It’s biological. I attract a lot of guys whether I intentionally do it or not so I don’t have a problem getting guys. I know I can get them. So a guy should initiate because it shows he’s not a wussball. If he can’t even approach you, how is he going to help/protect you further along the way if you two date, etc etc?
IMO, guys that want girls to initiate may just be too scared themselves so its easier if the girl does it. But really, man up and do what men are supposed to do. A female wants and needs to feel like a woman. This is not social conditioning but the natural process of human dating and mating sequence.
hello VAnae… ijust wanna ask what should i do… coz im having bad times to forget my ex…we are already 8 months(broken apart) and until now i cant still forget her…what should i do??? thx vanae