i wouldn’t say, arousal and comfort, is all it takes, but it’s two very crucial feelings-areas.

You can break down attraction to chemical, spiritual, physical… etc like Wissam did… but in the end, attraction is the art of making the other person wanting to know more about you, to connect more with you.

If you are good looking, you are creating a superficial level of attraction thru the fact that you look hot… or that you dress well.

If you are highly intellingent, you can create some form of intrigue by the fact that you are very smart… and that creates “uniqueness” for you.

Attraction is really about playing your assets in ways that makes you stand out (at least at the beginning).

As the person gets to know you more, attraction shifts from superficial stuff to deeper connection type of stuff. Again, it doesn’t matter if your deeper connection is sexual, physical, spiritual or whatever…

I feel that as long as you connect on at least 2 areas deeply, the relationship go on for a while. But if you connect on a lot of planes, then it could last forever

My personal formula to maintaining a relationship is very simple actually. I only look at 2 things: arousal and comfort. I try to maintain a balance in my ability to arouse my girl… and my ability to create a comfortable space with her.

Arousal is not just physical/sexual… it can be mental/intellectual b/c I introduce something that is intellectually stimulating to her… that intrigues her… The arousal I think about is anything I can do to engage her body and mind with me.

And the comfort… is anything I can do to build that connection, that rapport… that feeling where she’s totally at ease in my presence… where she feels she can open up to me… where she can feels I don’t judge her.

It’s really about me create a space where she can be MORE of herself… where she can grow more into herself… without me influencing her or having her lean on me for whatever reasons.

It’s about allowing her to maintain her own individuality in the relationship.

Something that comes up quite often in our conversations is how much we are willing to compromise/sacrifice for our relationships. Surprisingly, I think that overall we are all willing to compromise A LOT — we would move for our significant other, get relocated, transfer schools, etc.

It is very interesting because while we are set on achieving our career goals, marriage and children don’t come in second place and we all want to have that in the next 3-5 years. One of my friends is dating a guy who gets relocated in different cities around the world every 3-5 years, and my friend went as far as saying that she wouldn’t mind quitting her job and following him around if they end up getting married.

I consider myself very open-minded and flexible, but I don’t know if I could give up my career completely. I am pursuing a PhD in literature and hope to become a professor one day. I am aiming for a “dissertation baby” LOL!

Anyway, I love this site and I love you Vanae! You give great advice and I admire your strength and confidence. I’m a Cali girl as well so we should be friends! Is that creepy? hmmm…

In my opinion, it definitely is a mindset that is completely free from details that determine social status. Self love, thank god, can be self generated in anyone. Awesome, I think.

On the other hand, I think the only way to learn the above lesson is to go and date in one’s premature state. That means putting one’s self through awkward moments, feelings of loathing, sadness, ecstasy, and all that, which is the equation for learning what love is (?)

Personal lessons have so much more value than lessons that are given, which I guess is the difference between knowledge & wisdom. Although, vanae’s service is nice because it helps people learn how to gain the needed wisdom.

Now, I half disagree with thinking that giving everything to the other person is what qualifies as being in love. For women, I think generating love with her partner can be the most important thing in her life. For men, though, I would never suggest that he place the woman first on his list of priorities, unless he feels more like a woman (not a joke). When guys give their all to their partner and family, they usually end up doing drugs, drink, or do something to find escape, thinking that the the family is the root of his problem of falling out of love. A man must realize, that to stay in love, he must focus on himself first and never use others as an excuse for not achieving his goals. If that drive dies, love is sure to die, as well. After all, what woman can feel love for a man that has no guts?

This is hella long. I’m out