You know how we tend to turn to our close friends to talk about intimate and interesting topics?
Recently, a male friend and I have been spending a great deal of time having in-depth conversations about dating and love. But the 2 topics we spent a lot of time chatting about was:
1. Attraction- What does this truly mean? How can one enhance their attractiveness?
2. Formulas- Is there a formula to true love? Meaning, if you have x, y, z ingredients, can that equate to LOVE?
This made me curious about all the conversations that take place around the world among friends, about dating & love. So..Game Dae Wednesdae…
What was the most recent dating-related topic or problem you talked to your friend(s) about? Did you come up with a resolution?
Let’s continue those discussions with our V’stars here!
One question that seems to come-up a few times when discussing what makes a great relationship with some of my friends is “What is the formula to a perfect relationship?”
We concluded that the one aspect that makes a great relationship is to have a love that is relaxed, unselfish and not jealous.
On the other-hand a love that is the opposite to the above, can be physically and emotionally destructive.
From my experience I have found that if I am able to comfortably sit with someone for a lengthy period of time, e.g. watching TV, without having to say a word makes us compatible.
Sounds funny, but it works for me!!! It’s about being at ease with your partner whatever it is that you are doing together.
Our final conclusion is:
Forget Crazy Obsessive Love…Relaxed Love Is The Only Way To Go
Check this song out http://tinyurl.com/lhqjsu
Actually there are several variables
1)Physical attraction
2)Chemical attraction
3)Personality Similarity
4)Personality Opposites
5)Personality Faults
1)Is when you first see the other person, and basically you have the drooling effect over something.
2)Pheromones, smells, etc, is the second one.
3)You have to have similarities, a common cause, favourite places, music etc.
4)But opposites are a must, if you are too similar in everything you become friends, not lovers.If you are shy, a forward person completes you. If you are a bit on the agressive side, a calm person would hold you down. etc.
5)You have the tolerate the faults. no body is perfect, but if you can’t tolerate them the relationship is doomed.
I agree , this is really accurate and awesome comment
In a relationship to be perfect, Love should be present. When we say “LOVE, we are willing to compromise and set aside our differences. It does not matter if your personalities differ, physical attraction, each ones past etc. I have an ideal woman (had to be Japanese, Korean or Vietnamese) to be with but in turns out that I fell on love with a person who does not have any of those traits i was looking for.
If you are going to love a person, you are going to take that person what ever she has or does not have and accept all the imperfections.
Love is unconditional and will not find faults, love is patient and is kind and love is willing to sacrifice all.
How would you know if you love a person? ask you self if you are willing to give up everything for that person including your life, then you will know the answer.
My formula is usually a long island iced tea or two, some Isley Brothers, and inviting her in to my apartment to watch my skydiving video.
haha. you’re such a casanova, john
HERE HERE!!! CHEERS!!
Real Talk:
Ya’ll girls is crazy!!!
SO I go to a camping rave event called “Dude Where’s My Tent?”
I meet this girl, spend some time with her, and chalk it up as a ‘weekend fling.’ Cool right?
So we exchange numbers, I live in Detroit and she lives in Chicago. So I figured since I find myself in ChiTown a few times a year, i can call up my little Chi-City fling and have a rondevu…
But… NO! That is too easy…
This girl calls me numerous times DAILY and trys to keep tabs. Then after only 2 weeks… SHE DROPPED THE L WORD ON ME!!! WTF?!?!?
I just lookin for a little fun, shes lookin for a soul mate…
Damn, see… Girls is crazy. hah
Some of my friends and I were on the beach yesterday and talking about a girl’s Attention level. It may come off as brutish but seeing as i’ve never had a girlfriend i was happy to lend an open ear. My friend said that every girl requires a certain amount of attention and that in order for things to work out between you two, you need to find that special amount and stick to it.
Another friend pointed out that confidence is what all girls and i guess guys are looking for, but at the same time I thought to myself being attractive and in shape would probably help that along as well.
Guys need attention too. Your guy friends in relationships: HALF of them are probably the needy one. I know if I’m not receiving a certain amount of attention after a couple dates — initiated by her — my interest fades. Maybe in those cases, I didn’t ATTRACT her enough, but I know some of those women WERE interested, they just weren’t reciprocating at a level that kept me attracted. It’s important to figure out what level of attention you need, as well as your boundaries, to have a health relationship.
I dont know what love is or actually know if it exist but I do believe people are compatible with each other. My friend and I have discussed the topic of love before and we both agree that in order to love some one else you have to love yourself first. She explained it to me with an example of 2 half circles. 2 half circles dont make a strong circle especially if its not a full half circle. the only way to make a perfect circle is combining 2 full circles. She meant that you need to be complete with yourself before you can be apart of someone else life
Well put Bryan. So true. I’ve learned that recently. Why would anybody desire you if there is no content behind your personality, no fervor to your spirit, no passion in your life. You’ve got to feel great about who you are and appreciate you own characteristics, enjoy being you before you are ready to give love.
With regards to that picture of you on the park bench… Are you farting?
i only fart on lil frogs.
there were no frogs on that bench.
I definitely have to agree with being happy with yourself in order to make someone happy. Although, I hear very little about how to go about that.
In my opinion, it definitely is a mindset that is completely free from details that determine social status. Self love, thank god, can be self generated in anyone. Awesome, I think.
On the other hand, I think the only way to learn the above lesson is to go and date in one’s premature state. That means putting one’s self through awkward moments, feelings of loathing, sadness, ecstasy, and all that, which is the equation for learning what love is (?)
Personal lessons have so much more value than lessons that are given, which I guess is the difference between knowledge & wisdom. Although, vanae’s service is nice because it helps people learn how to gain the needed wisdom.
Now, I half disagree with thinking that giving everything to the other person is what qualifies as being in love. For women, I think generating love with her partner can be the most important thing in her life. For men, though, I would never suggest that he place the woman first on his list of priorities, unless he feels more like a woman (not a joke). When guys give their all to their partner and family, they usually end up doing drugs, drink, or do something to find escape, thinking that the the family is the root of his problem of falling out of love. A man must realize, that to stay in love, he must focus on himself first and never use others as an excuse for not achieving his goals. If that drive dies, love is sure to die, as well. After all, what woman can feel love for a man that has no guts?
This is hella long. I’m out
My closest friends are female (I am a girl as well) and we are all well educated, highly ambitious and hard working. We are just hitting our mid-twenties and are currently either in med/grad/business school or working for prestigious companies around the country.
Something that comes up quite often in our conversations is how much we are willing to compromise/sacrifice for our relationships. Surprisingly, I think that overall we are all willing to compromise A LOT — we would move for our significant other, get relocated, transfer schools, etc.
It is very interesting because while we are set on achieving our career goals, marriage and children don’t come in second place and we all want to have that in the next 3-5 years. One of my friends is dating a guy who gets relocated in different cities around the world every 3-5 years, and my friend went as far as saying that she wouldn’t mind quitting her job and following him around if they end up getting married.
I consider myself very open-minded and flexible, but I don’t know if I could give up my career completely. I am pursuing a PhD in literature and hope to become a professor one day. I am aiming for a “dissertation baby” LOL!
Anyway, I love this site and I love you Vanae! You give great advice and I admire your strength and confidence. I’m a Cali girl as well so we should be friends! Is that creepy? hmmm…
Go Cali!
I’d like to think that attraction is the art of creating desire and intrigue in someone.
You can break down attraction to chemical, spiritual, physical… etc like Wissam did… but in the end, attraction is the art of making the other person wanting to know more about you, to connect more with you.
If you are good looking, you are creating a superficial level of attraction thru the fact that you look hot… or that you dress well.
If you are highly intellingent, you can create some form of intrigue by the fact that you are very smart… and that creates “uniqueness” for you.
Attraction is really about playing your assets in ways that makes you stand out (at least at the beginning).
As the person gets to know you more, attraction shifts from superficial stuff to deeper connection type of stuff. Again, it doesn’t matter if your deeper connection is sexual, physical, spiritual or whatever…
I feel that as long as you connect on at least 2 areas deeply, the relationship go on for a while. But if you connect on a lot of planes, then it could last forever
My personal formula to maintaining a relationship is very simple actually. I only look at 2 things: arousal and comfort. I try to maintain a balance in my ability to arouse my girl… and my ability to create a comfortable space with her.
Arousal is not just physical/sexual… it can be mental/intellectual b/c I introduce something that is intellectually stimulating to her… that intrigues her… The arousal I think about is anything I can do to engage her body and mind with me.
And the comfort… is anything I can do to build that connection, that rapport… that feeling where she’s totally at ease in my presence… where she feels she can open up to me… where she can feels I don’t judge her.
It’s really about me create a space where she can be MORE of herself… where she can grow more into herself… without me influencing her or having her lean on me for whatever reasons.
It’s about allowing her to maintain her own individuality in the relationship.
khiem, i completely agree with you. arousal and comfort are very sexy to a female. and warrants a deeper and longer term connection.
i wouldn’t say, arousal and comfort, is all it takes, but it’s two very crucial feelings-areas.