Oh, the debate of the decades…do women want assholes or nice guys? Now, notice that I wrote women, as in adult….as in mature. Not a 14 year old, who’s still figuring out herself and the world. What I’m talking about is from a perspective of quality women who are mature and know what they want.
Less than 24 hours of posting my episode on this topic below, there were 200+ comments of people’s thoughts. Lots of them were males with jaded views, thinking that women don’t know what they want…OR that secretly we want assholes.
Here’s the thing, it’s the traits and chemistry that these women are attracted to:
- fun
- confident
- assertive
- good hearted
- genuine
Here’s a secret…You can have these traits without being an asshole! Yes! I mean it! You can be the good guy and still have this awesome traits. That’s the winning combo! Let’s abolish this term of ‘nice guy’ because it’s been getting a bad wrap and people have splash all this lard on this term.
Clean slate. Strive to be a good-hearted guy who’s assertive and stands his ground.
I’ll be completely honest with yah, I wouldn’t give an asshole or a douchebag a second of my time. Why? Because when I was much much younger, I’ve dated an asshole. Been there, done that. So that experience taught me so stay away from those guys because they’re not good for me. Why date assholes, when I can date an awesome guy who supports me and treats me the way I treat him (fabulously). My boyfriends after that, were awesome people.
Ultimately, be genuine and treat people right without jeopardizing who you are and what you want. You will draw in the right match for you!
Women: At some point in your life, you’ll date an asshole (hopefully, sooner than later). Learn your lesson and never go back! It’s like when you were a kid and you saw a hot stove…you’re curious. You go to touch it. You get burned! Don’t go back and keep making the mistake! Don’t date anymore assholes!! You can still date good guys, who have the traits and chemistry you want! For whatever reason, you’re not sure if he’s an asshole, ask your friends to be honest and listen to them! They’re your greatest mirrors!
Men: Don’t be bitter. Forgot those ‘hot girls’ who only date assholes. They’re not the type of chick you wanna date anyways! Quality women will know how to spot good guys from the assholes. So be on the side who wins in the long run- the good guy with assertive and confident qualities. IF you want to be coached on how to be more confident and assertive, then contact me.
Game Dae Wednesdae: Female v’stars, have you dated assholes? Ultimately, what type of men do you want? Men, what do you think about this topic? What have you learned in your experience?
Too bad you have to move to San Diego. Usually grad school can be done online nowadays.
There’s a ton of online material about “neg hits” & “mystery method”. It probably worked years ago but since “the pickup artist” aired on TV & all the Goo Tube videos appeared, a lot of women have figured out what’s going on but not all.
Would say that because of the gender ratio in Silicon Valley, the large groups of type-A personality men normally hitting on the rare woman here, & the difficulty in holding their attention for more than a few seconds, there’s a lot of pressure to skip the usual “I had to talk to you” & force ourselves to be assholes to just get their attention & overpower the noise.
to be honest, i think neggin’ (even before or after the pickup artist show) is messed up and unethical. it’s one thing to tease and flirt, but it’s another thing to deliberately put down someone.
That really cleared my confusion ! I really needed to watch this , thnx alot vanae for this video !
you’re super welcome v’star shady. glad to clear up some things
neg hits never truly work – its kind of faking confidence. Sometimes it works if she will think that you are confident but if you will offend a women (or anyone else !) that person will NOT be happy. Maybe you can gain some respect through fear but this women will NOT be interested in you.
ABOUT VIDEO I THINK THAT IS A GREAT EXPLANATION OF THIS TOPIC.
What people thing good guys mostly are nerdy, boring, people with low social skills. Plus they have a lot of anxiety, but they appear like they have good heart.And very often they have a good heart.
Problem is here that these kind of guys are NOT interesting. Its not fun to spend time with them. When someone have a choice to choose a person for a date they will choose the best possible possibility. But nice guys in that case good guys are the worst possibility.
So thinking superficially women love doughbagish assholes.
But not really, its all about confidence (which is sexy), being yourself, and being fun and interesting.
How do i know that ? I was that kind of boring nerdy guy couple years ago. And it was tough, I got bitter, than I get better, I found someone special who loves me and i fall in love with her.
I am wondering if that would happen if i wasnt watching Vanae videos and David Wygant stuff. I dont think I would be able to do that.
Neither way thanks Vanae !
Seb’
hey seb,
agreeing with you about confidence & being interesting as traits that most human (male or female) is interested in.
thanks for your thoughts and i’m really happy to hear that you’re in love!
name your first born ‘vanae jr’? ha. i kid
Really like the vid – yes, go the Good Guy/Assertive – notice Vanae did not say nice guy.
If you know what you want and go for it and are passionate AND treat others well including standing up for what is right – you already are interesting!!!!
Tactics are for game players and if that’s what you want – fine but don’t complain when that is what you get!
Be yourself and you will attract people who like you.
agreed. i think there’s a distinction between honing your social skills vs. using tactics/strategies with people (which is unethical, it seems).
be genuine. be true and present your best self.
thanks for sharing your thoughts cathy!
Great topic Vanae!
I especially like that you mentioned: “tactics”
All those “tactics” that people use only render a false accomplishment. Itz one thing to use a tactic to get someone’s attention, or tell a joke, or something like that. If you have to constantly use tactics, then you’re putting effort toward something that isn’t worth it.
Also, high percentage truism: The “playaz”, the “game runners”; those people r usually horrible with expression of genuine intimacy & affection. A genuine heart felt adult come on is situation kryptonite for a “hustla”. Itz like standing up to a bully. I guess if you think about all those “tactics” & BS; itz basicly passive aggressive bullying.
I’m lucky. I had the opportunity to figure out what I enjoy in person. The slam bam thank you ma’ams aren’t so shiney & desirable when you’ve made a real connection with someone.
I think some of it comes down to composure. The passive guy doesn’t even know what that means. The assertive nice guy and the asshole get it on some level and that’s attractive to women. See clark Gable in gone with the wind, Leonidas in 300, Jim Lee Swagger in Shooter, maybe James Bond in… well any of his movies. These are guys who never lose their cool. Think.. maybe Napolean Dynomite for the passive nice guy or Jason Biggs in ‘my best friend’s girl’.
These guys are dominant(NOT domineering), calm and collected in any situation. Napolean Dynomite… not so much. He gets emotional over everything and has NO cool.
Now, all those guys I listed aren’t abusive toward women which is why I listed them. They know how to treat a lady and that’s why they stay attractive. An asshole might have the initial attraction and might even get sex but he won’t last with most women much beyond that. Think Tucker Max in “I hope they serve Beer in hell”. He’s a dick. Funny, I’ll admit, but not something emotionally stable, hot, and fun females want long term.
Good stuff Vanae!
The tactics work. Period. And I’m saying this from the stand point of the person that could use them.
But there is no authenticity. That’s a huge fall back.
I have to grin a bit when women say they won’t fall for any tactic. People for the most part are trusting that people for the most part…are honest. I’m not telling people to lie. I’m not even telling you to use a “tactic”.
I’m just saying it’s a ridiculous thought to say that one is impervious to all lies.
Now telling a guy what kind of woman he wants is just as good as telling a woman what kind of guy she wants. People WANT what they want. Usually more when they are told NOT to want. But I digress.
People do need to simply be authentic.
AUTHENTICITY does not mean to pretend you like flowers and watching gossip girl. It means being who you are. Caring when you truly care. Laughing when something is truly funny. And being nice because you feel nice…not because you’re looking at a solid set of hooters. Hell! Even getting annoyed and upset when you truly feel the situation warrants it is better than smiling when you’re mad.
Give love. Get love.
Peace
That seems really good advice, but it contradicts with the reality that I see when people date. First off, people tend to date the a-hole due to the fact that they’ll have a “fun” relationship, but they tend to dislike that person due to the fact he/she is annoying and crude to others. Even so, that doesn’t mean that they’re nice. I guess the nice part is what makes the relationship stable.
Even though they should go for the nice girl/guy, they feel they won’t have fun with him/her, so they go with the a-hole. I’m not over-exaggerating with this comment, but I can say that I’m grateful that someone believes that they should go for the nice person. I should be that way, but it isn’t. Whether it’s dating or a relationship, it’s going to be the same thing, in a bad way, but a few made it work that way.
I think there are levels of assholes such as men that are the permanent assholes that are always the ones that are always mean to people, abusive always rude, don’t have good manners and just constant pricks. Those are the assholes that eventually ends up being alone a lot because after awhile his friends, girlfriends etc get sick and tired of his assholeness, start to ditch him, make excuses to not go hang with him.
Then there are the guys that can be assholes without being mean, rude and knows how to not be a prick. Such as assholes probably should be called mischievous assholes that like to pull pranks such as for instance I consider myself this type lol where examples (as a kid trying to get a stick stuck in a bicycle spoke while moving and watching friend fly off bicycle by succeeding getting stick stuck in wheel spoke while moving), (throwing the M40 firecrackers that couldn’t be put out with water into friends toilet and blowing up friends toilet lol), laugh at people that trip, I guess maybe it’s called the mischievous asshole lol
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True, being nice and confident is the secret. Assholes can fake the confidence, which is the first thing you need, but quality chicks need more. You must have standards!
Nice Guys Finish First!</a"