I receive a decent amount of emails and voice messages from teenagers/young adults who deal with low self-esteem and/or depression. Many due to classmates judging them and not being able to communicate with family so they feel like outcasts. I try to help these young people tackle root problems and have faith in people again. In all of this, it makes me think about my own high school years and the challenges of growing up.
See, I grew up in San Jose, a community of transitioning and assimilating first born Vietnamese Americans. Every topic was taboo, especially sex. So as you can imagine, being among the first of my friends to be sexually active, I didn’t have too many people to turn to for answers. I definitely couldn’t talk to my parents. So there I was at the age of sixteen, doing my own research and opening up dialogue with my high school friends.
This was the start of when I became passionate about sexual health awareness, communication, sexuality, and dating advice. I was always an open book and some high school peers would place judgment on my openness. I didn’t let it bother me, as I rised above it. Today, I run a non-profit organization to save young minds from being left in the dark about sexual health and empower them for leadership in social change.
Going through high school may be the toughest times for people. You’re going through puberty. You get heartbroken by your crushes. You get pressured to keep up good grades and have to deal with your parents. For me (and I imagine it would be the same for many Vietnamese Americans), there’s an added layer of cultural identity (american vs. vietnamese values). But high school isn’t the only tough phase we go through in life. Hard times come and go as we get older, but this is how we learn and become better people. But no matter what, you should not project negativity or be quick to judge. Yes, our views and thoughts will always change as we grow. And though you may regret what you did…you can’t take it back and the harm has been done. Sometimes, it may create deeper scars than you know. So be mindful before you place a judgment.
What were the obstacles you dealt with growing up?
Vanae’s tip of the dae: One person can make the biggest impact in the world. Whether positive or negative..you make that choice!
Vanae’s album of the week: The Day I Turn To Glass by Honeycut. This magnificent and soulful SF band is under Quannum Projects! This album has been on repeat in my car for the last week! Not only are they are fantastic musicians, but they’re good guys too. I got to know them when they played at my Rock for AIDS Awareness concert in 2007. You can purchase this great album here: 
Well, without going into my experiences when I was younger, I’ll share a short story.
There was a 16 year old boy who was very tall for his age and was having a hard time, not just in school, but in life. He used to always hang around me (I was in my 20′s) and talk to me.
I moved away from that area and didn’t see him anymore, although he had started college before I left. Many years later, I came across a storefront with a sign that had his name on it. It was an attorney’s office.
Among all the people in there, he was sitting in the back. I walked in and said hello to him. He was a very successful attorney by then helping people and well to do. Somewhere along our conversation, he told me that he had thought about killing himself so many times when he was younger. He told me that I was the reason that he didn’t. That I had listened to him and gave him support when no one else had. In essence, he said that I had saved his life! Can you imagine?
I was, and still am, very humbled by his words and learned a valuable lesson about reaching out and actually listening to young people.
Keep doing what you’re doing Vanae, if you help just one young person, it is so well worth it!
Thanks for sharing that Bobby. Your absolutly right. It can be life changing when you find someone whose actually willing to listen to you. Like there is the woman I’ve known since I was 13. I’m 18 now but if it hadn’t been for her I don’t know how I would have made it all the way to my last year of highschool. She changed my life 100%.
Wow. Just wow. A simple act of listening turning someone else’s life around like that. You rock Bobby.
Bobby thats perry deep. Thanks for sharing.
Highschool…..Geez there a bottle of worms to be opened for sure. i’m only 23 but highschool….gahhhh, some days it feels like just yesturday, other feels like life times ago!!
As much as I absolutly hated highschool, i miss it like CRAZY now days.
Let me say i had enough experiences for myself for many life times to come! TOO MENY EXPERIENCES.
In fact I am in the process of trying to start a peer-to-peer mediation program in a highschool that two of my younger cusins attend. If the school board passes and allows us to begin our program I will do what I can to open up the forum and take it to the net. (I’ll then ask Vanae for help with this feat.
)
Thanks lfv, I think it’s really the young people that have that mettle inside to get through the tough times. They have a lot to offer if people would just listen to them
@Locus- I think you’re doing a fantastic thing there, way to go!
hey thanks for writting that that was inpirational. can you write about how a girl should hang around with a guy and have fun. i know a lot of peole ask you problebly for help, but i am just having a hard time in life abd i really wish that someone new how much i hate my life and how many time i cry my self to sleep.
@bobby That was really inspiring. Thanks for sharing B! I love it!
It is amazing that so many kids these days grow up in unsupportive families, In addition to missing community support in suburbia, and often (overloaded) teachers removes the support structure that is /necessary/ for proper emotional development of young people. That basically leaves friends (and random chance) as their only source of support.
Thank you so much for the music recommendation. It’s a lovely pick-me-up and I think I might just have to buy it!
On a semi-unrelated note I’m a long time reader, first time replyer and I just wanted to express my thanks for all the time and effort that you’ve put into your website/videos. Such a wonderful resource…thanks again Vanae!
High school was the greatest time of my life. Hundreds of challenges and experiences all compact into a short few years. I was made fun of just because I wasn’t in the popular click. I would much rather look back at that, than to look back at how much of an asshole I was and worry about Karma coming back to haunt me.
If life wasn’t full of problems, set backs, challenges… it would be boring. Change is fun.
Hi Vanae,
Thank you for sharing your background on growing up in an assimilating Vietnamese community. While I am 100% white bread, I feel that I had a similar cultural experience/challenge by growing up as a Navy Brat that moved every 3 years on average in my youth. In particular, I feel that going to school for the first time (Kindergarten & 1st grade) in West Germany (this was back in ~1986-1988), at a proper West German school, had a major impact on my life. I was the lone American kid amongst all the German kids – ha! After returning to the USA, I had to re-take 1st grade b/c I couldn’t read and write in English – ha! Eventually, I skipped 5th grade and rejoined my age group.
But the experience of living in a different culture/language at such a young age had a far greater impact on my world view than the politics of grade school. Ironically, national identity/patriotism never quite made any sense to me. I mean, if German Kids were just like American Kids, what’s all the fuss about?
In the end, I realized that it took a VERY long time to actually Emotionally Identify WHY exactly I felt like an outcast. Intellectually I knew that I was an American white male, like most of my peers, and that I had spent some time in a foreign country, unlike virtually any of my peers. Unable to communicate with my parents, I too, found that I had few references to help my head and heart integrate the mixed messages I encountered upon returning to the USA.
Thanks again for Sharing,
~Eran