We want to be seen, don’t we?

From our contributions at work, we want our management to acknowledge our hard work.

From our achievements, we want our parents to give us positive reinforcement and tell us that they’re proud.

From our existence in life, we want others to see us as we’re standing in the middle of a crowded bar.

We want to know that we exist and there’s value in our existence…if not, then are we walking lonely creatures?

And then…the times when we do feel acknowledged and seen, boy, doesn’t that feel amazing?

So what great timing of an article I just read by Pamelah Landers, especially with the conversations I have been having with friends lately and a “common” wanting from clients that I’m working with.

I want to this article, Really Being Seen, written by Pamelah Landers which really resonated with me and I’m curious of what reactions the article stirred up for you. Share your thoughts!

Vanae

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Really Being Seen
written by Pamelah Landers

Have you ever really ‘been seen’? What does this mean?

Being seen, to me, is being acknowledged, understood, listened to, encouraged and supported in my endeavors, my passions, my desires.

Who really sees you?

This is the million dollar question, isn’t it?

The truth is, it isn’t the job of anybody in your personal life or business life to COMPLETELY “see” you. Expecting that is a set up for disappointment. It’s a huge barrier to intimacy in personal relationships. If you are angry with somebody who isn’t seeing you the way you want to be seen, you may want to release the blame. It’s not their responsibility. Do you know what I’m talking about here?

In Caroline Myss’ material on “Anatomy of the Spirit,” she says that the lower three chakras are ‘tribal’. When you start moving into claiming your own ‘heart’ chakra energy, you need to individuate from the ‘tribe’. The tribe doesn’t like your individuation because their job is to keep you safe. Their role is violated, according to them, when you separate from ‘tribal traditions’ or accepted tribal behavior. The tricky piece is that in order to individuate, to claim your purpose for being here, you have to step outside accepted tribal behavior.

This leads to ‘not being seen’ by your family of origin or community where you grew up. It’s not their job to see you. Your family’s job is to keep you safe, according to their rules. I know many of you grew up in non-safe families. That’s for another newsletter.

The point is that it isn’t anybody else’s job to really, completely see you: it’s not the responsibility of your lover, partner, husband, wife, parents, siblings, children, or bosses or even best friends. They will see you to their own level of self-acceptance and comfort. Does this make sense?

For years, much of my adult life actually, I was really angry that my parents couldn’t see me. After all, they raised me! I blamed them. That blame put me in the vicitimzation role. Because ‘they couldn’t see me’ I dimished myself, gave my power away to them with my anger and thus put me on the student path of my hands’ Jupiter markings – powerlessness and being a victim. Then I hid behind that anger as a way to not get myself into the public eye more. Believe me, this is not a successful strategy!

After many therapeutic hours, including feeling deep grief and anger, mostly through sobbing, I was able to eventually move internally to release the blame and anger. I find myself now in a good relationship with my parents, accepting they can’t see me at my complete expression. I know now that it’s not their job, nor was it ever. It’s such a relief to all of us because I no longer approach time with them expecting a role they can never fulfill.