StumbledUpon one of your YouTube videos a while back and ended up watching a whole bunch. I think you have pretty good insight into dating and social dynamics. I’ve been checking back to your blog every now and again.

I have been in a situation that you’ve described. My friend was dating a girl for about a month, but wasn’t serious about her at all. He knew I had a thing for her so he kept encouraging me to ask her out after they stopped seeing each other. (he broke it off)

However, after we started dating, my friend has stopped talking to me completely. It was probably my fault for not trying to initiate a discussion and clear some air. I’ll use the “guys don’t talk about their feelings to each other” excuse for this one. I thought he acted very childishly at the time. I didn’t think I needed to apologize since he encouraged the whole thing in the first place.

I dated this girl for about a year. I had to move for my job and we decided that it was better to end it. Before I left, I was able to reconcile with my friend. (although we aren’t as close as we were before)

I don’t regret with going through with this at all. I got to spend time with a great girl. And my friend and did I were able to patch things up. In retrospect, however, I would probably take more time to talk to my friend upfront to avoid the falling out. And that’s exactly what you’ve mentioned in your post.

Hi Vanae!

Im new to posting but have seen your youtube videos.

Can I say I dont agree with dating a friend´s ex!

1. Its unlikely will ever be the one, but just one you know taking advantage of your friend.

2. How to get the contact details of a friends girftiend? Suspicious

3. Feels guilty in the first place and looks like a leftovers´ path. Relationship going no-where.

4 There are types of guys who can only approach mates´ girfriends cos they are basically unable to approach a woman on their own.

Last I met a girl going out with my friends, nice body, after a couple of hours of meeting we were already kissing…but shes living with her boyfriend!

Ive been for a while after another much nicer girl and watching your videos saw the one with the electric fence!

Then focused on the nice one even when the other one was up to meet up etc…and now…oh im walking on the sky…im going out with the one I was after in the first place and is so nice and romantic. Your website gave me the strenght needed.
Doing the right thing pays off! Thanks for giving support!
And people, if you are after a friends ex-girlfriend
thats another electric fence-. Vanae your fans are somehow disappointed!

I think the same way about “sloppy seconds”. I use the same phase.

I actually tried to get with a buddie’s ex-wife. The thing was, I am pals with her brother, & I had known her before they got married. I would have never been friends with her husband if it wasn’t for their marriage.

Honestly, I didn’t feel as awkward as I thought I would. I felt more weird about the infatuation, & the fact that most people know we clash, personality wise.

Anyway, it was a new “people experience”. It was one of those weird situations that went no where, & some where.

Also, I would like to add, if you think you need to “clear” interest in someone with another person, chances are you’re not ready to be getting with anyone. If you feel reluctant because you think that person is still in love with your friend, or vice versa, you might want to step back, & make sure the previous relationship is over.

Regardless, it’s a touchy subject, with potential for drama.

I won’t revolt against any friend who’d date my ex because sometimes I think maybe it’s their destiny to be together (one of my close friends married my ex-husband). HOWEVER, it’s really out of my limit. I just don’t find ANY of my friends’ guy (or any woman’s guy for that matter) “sexually, lustfully” attractive, even if they are very good looking. I don’t like the feeling of being inferior or insecure, and I can’t imagine any girl would either.

Great blog as always, Vanae! Keep it up.
xoxox

This is indeed a very tricky situation. I will venture to guess (without stats), that most of these situations don’t work.

How many people can honestly watch an ex with their best friend? How would they feel if the two are a success, while they failed with this person? How many friends would be completely “feelings free”? Friends talk about relationships all the time, can a friend talk with another about their relationship if one friend has the other’s ex?

Unfortunately, I would have to suggest staying away from this situation, even if that person is perceived to be “the one”, why? because it takes time to know if a person is your “soulmate” or not. Within that time, the person may end up NOT being your soulmate, and you may have lost a friend.

Great topic , and no I didn’t date any of my friend’s ex . you’re right Vanae , THE REAL GOOD FAITHFUL FRIENDS are hard to find these days , so we better give it a thought before losing a close friend because there is alot of attractive people but the real friends are rare

hi vanae to answer your question i do think it is ok to date a friends ex if you have permision but make sure the permision is genuine but you and your friend will probally drift apart if you talk about her allot my case of wat happened to me but other then that i think it’s fine if both you and your friend kno wat ur getting into

oh yea i have really bad spelling so don’t get mad if i spell something wrong

hi,

i need your suggestion but i do not know where to post it.

I have send u mail too.
please reply and let me know where to post for suggestion on Dating.

Vishal

Don’t do it! Find your own person, like your friend did in the first place. It is not worth the friendship, especially if it doesn’t work out.

Alan C