Comments on: Dating single moms

By: Souniya

Souniya — Tue, 04 May 2010 16:36:32 +0000

I know this post is over a year old, but for those who are referring to it still for help in dating divorced or single parents, here’s my two cents from experience:

1) You MUST be a confident and empowered individual to date a divorced parent. That person will have a lifelong relationship with their ex because of their kid(s), and this can mean regular communication (think daily to weekly). Are you secure enough with yourself to be able to handle your boyfriend or girlfriend talking regularly with his/her ex? His/her ex may be a great balanced individual, or they may have emotional issues out the wazzoo. Regardless, the ex will be a figure and factor in your relationship.

2) You MUST have your own interests and life outside the relationship. Your significant other will have his/her children over for custody, especially if she/he is a hands-on parent, and besides, do you really want to date someone who is a deadbeat? Just know that there will be times and events in this person’s life where you cannot or will not be included. If your bf/gf lives close to their kids, then they most likely will see them regularly. If you’re not at that point of meeting the kids, then that means a good amount of non-relationship time.

3) You MUST not expect to the be the most important person or priority or thought in your bf/gf’s life. That place will be reserved for and held by the children. If you are not okay with that, then you will have difficulties in the relationship.

These are only a few considerations when dating a single/divorced parent. It gets immensely more complicated if the relationship becomes serious and if you do meet the kid(s).

Single divorced parents are wonderful human beings worthy of love. Just don’t throw your own baggage on top of theirs.

By: John L.

John L. — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:31:16 +0000

Vanae,

I myself am a single dad. My son’s mom and I were together for 11 years, and have been split about 4 years. We still get along very well, and talk just about every day.
I have kept most of the girls I date off to the side, but my son knows all of my best friends. Part of the reason is that I have watched him bond with some of the people his mom has dated and when something happens to the relationship, he takes a bit to get over it. My son knows that I do date, I just haven’t met the person that I want to integrate into his world in that particular role yet.

I have dated single moms before, dating all the way back to high school (older women then), and am dating one now. I also have several friends who are single parents, or who have been. (One of my best friends just recently remarried after many years as a single dad.) It is my opinion that it is easier for someone with similar priorities to understand where you are coming from. I do know that there are many inteliigent, sexy, witty, charming, gorgeous single moms out there in the dating pool; and that single guys should consider them as well. But you have to have your stuff together to last. Single parents don’t have time to coddle an adult child too, if you know what I’m sayin’.

Life never ends, there is a lot to learn from other people. We should always keep an open mind. Peace out.

Regards,
John,
your V’star in Sactown

By: vanae

vanae — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 10:01:29 +0000

i agree. it’s healthier when the single parent holds off introducing their child unless they are in a serious relationship and there’s a future.

By: Richard Rovinsky

Richard Rovinsky — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 23:09:54 +0000

Having a long term relationship with a mother can be both more complicated and more rewarding. Why? A mother isn’t the only one you will need to need to build a relationship. With time and effort, you will be rewarded appropriately. I’ve dated a few Moms, as I am a single parent too (full time). For me, I like that they are more understanding of my priorities and not as self-centered, in general. Here is my take on the “children dynamic:”
Looking at how the children behave can give a lot of quick insight into the parent’s approach and values. I’m not looking to replace the child’s natural father, but if the child(ren) want that, then I’m there for them too. If the person I want to date isn’t understanding of my situation, then I’ll get the picture quickly and move on. For my daughter to mesh with the mother’s children could also add a level of complication.
It is best to delay bringing the children into the relationship early on. Young children don’t need to see their Mom or Dad dating multiple people until you know she or he is a good choice for a long term relationship.

By: vanae

vanae — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:20:37 +0000

hey bobby, thanks for giving good insights into this topic!
=)

By: bobby

bobby — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:40:13 +0000

I dated a single Mom with a little boy. The Dad was more focused on his needs than his son’s. I raised the boy, along with his Mom of course, and it was a great experience.

Always be honest with the child as to who you are in the relationship.
Always keep the (ex) biological parent in the picture if possible.
Never bad mouth the ex as the child/children will find out for themselves when they get older what that person is all about.
A child is a child regardless if it’s a biological child or not-they all need love and support.
Single Mom’s bring great strength to a relationship and have a lot to offer.
Look at children in a relationship as a blessing because they are!