ASK VANAE FRIDAE
Q. Hi Vanae,
I stumbled on your website a while back, and found your dating tips very useful and informative. It made me aware of different dating situations. I even called a girl out for making me into a sideline guy.
I was wondering what are your thoughts regarding dating single moms or women who have been divorced?
A. Of course, you have to think about what you’re ready for (casual dating, short term dating or long term dating) and be honest about it.
Divorced female…She’s been through a lot and ultimately her ex-husband wasn’t the right one for her. She’s probably grown to be really in tuned with herself. Why not date her? Could be your great gain. I have a couple friends who are divorced and they are wonderful and sexy. So yes, be open to divorced women. Just be sure that she had enough cushion time to deal with her ex so you’re not a rebound (esp if you’re looking for a serious relationship).
Single moms…this gets a bit trickier but you shouldn’t exclude this as a possibility. Most likely, she’s been through enough to know what she wants and looking out the best interest of herself and her kid(s). If you’re looking to date long term, remember to consider the possible dynamic of her kid(s) in your life. Are you ready for that type of commitment? As always, be sincere and don’t play games …we can see right through it all.
Are you a single parent in the dating scene? Have you dated a single mom or dad?
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I dated a single Mom with a little boy. The Dad was more focused on his needs than his son’s. I raised the boy, along with his Mom of course, and it was a great experience.
Always be honest with the child as to who you are in the relationship.
Always keep the (ex) biological parent in the picture if possible.
Never bad mouth the ex as the child/children will find out for themselves when they get older what that person is all about.
A child is a child regardless if it’s a biological child or not-they all need love and support.
Single Mom’s bring great strength to a relationship and have a lot to offer.
Look at children in a relationship as a blessing because they are!
hey bobby, thanks for giving good insights into this topic!
=)
Having a long term relationship with a mother can be both more complicated and more rewarding. Why? A mother isn’t the only one you will need to need to build a relationship. With time and effort, you will be rewarded appropriately. I’ve dated a few Moms, as I am a single parent too (full time). For me, I like that they are more understanding of my priorities and not as self-centered, in general. Here is my take on the “children dynamic:”
Looking at how the children behave can give a lot of quick insight into the parent’s approach and values. I’m not looking to replace the child’s natural father, but if the child(ren) want that, then I’m there for them too. If the person I want to date isn’t understanding of my situation, then I’ll get the picture quickly and move on. For my daughter to mesh with the mother’s children could also add a level of complication.
It is best to delay bringing the children into the relationship early on. Young children don’t need to see their Mom or Dad dating multiple people until you know she or he is a good choice for a long term relationship.
i agree. it’s healthier when the single parent holds off introducing their child unless they are in a serious relationship and there’s a future.
Vanae,
I myself am a single dad. My son’s mom and I were together for 11 years, and have been split about 4 years. We still get along very well, and talk just about every day.
I have kept most of the girls I date off to the side, but my son knows all of my best friends. Part of the reason is that I have watched him bond with some of the people his mom has dated and when something happens to the relationship, he takes a bit to get over it. My son knows that I do date, I just haven’t met the person that I want to integrate into his world in that particular role yet.
I have dated single moms before, dating all the way back to high school (older women then), and am dating one now. I also have several friends who are single parents, or who have been. (One of my best friends just recently remarried after many years as a single dad.) It is my opinion that it is easier for someone with similar priorities to understand where you are coming from. I do know that there are many inteliigent, sexy, witty, charming, gorgeous single moms out there in the dating pool; and that single guys should consider them as well. But you have to have your stuff together to last. Single parents don’t have time to coddle an adult child too, if you know what I’m sayin’.
Life never ends, there is a lot to learn from other people. We should always keep an open mind. Peace out.
Regards,
John,
your V’star in Sactown