Comments for Vanae: Life & Dating Coach http://vanae.com The freshest coach to empower you for love and life. Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:36:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on What to do when s/he flakes by Keasrt http://vanae.com/what-to-do-when-she-flakes/comment-page-1/#comment-11896 Keasrt Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:36:07 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=2165#comment-11896 I was dating a guy for 3 weeks. he seemed very interested and i really started to like him. he would set up the next day always before the end of the date that we were on. Last friday i cooked for him and we talked about going to lunch the next day...he said he would text to confirm but i just go a weird gut feeling cause he didnt set up our next date. i didnt hear from him about lunch so i texted him so i could go about my day and he responded "no, not today i've got to help my roomate with something" I go horrible feeling and didnt respond..havent heard from him since and its been a week..which is weird because he didnt go for over a day without reaching out...im wondering WHAT happened why did he flake...i dont know if i should text him and be casual...or tell him i guess its over...what should i do...i need closure...and i have a feeling i wont hear from him ...i dont think i did anything but we did meet in match and he is still active...so maybe he met somebody else which is fine...i just need to know its overrr! I was dating a guy for 3 weeks. he seemed very interested and i really started to like him. he would set up the next day always before the end of the date that we were on. Last friday i cooked for him and we talked about going to lunch the next day…he said he would text to confirm but i just go a weird gut feeling cause he didnt set up our next date. i didnt hear from him about lunch so i texted him so i could go about my day and he responded “no, not today i’ve got to help my roomate with something” I go horrible feeling and didnt respond..havent heard from him since and its been a week..which is weird because he didnt go for over a day without reaching out…im wondering WHAT happened why did he flake…i dont know if i should text him and be casual…or tell him i guess its over…what should i do…i need closure…and i have a feeling i wont hear from him …i dont think i did anything but we did meet in match and he is still active…so maybe he met somebody else which is fine…i just need to know its overrr!

]]> Comment on What Every Guy Should Know About Pleasuring Women (part 1) by Phillip Kelly http://vanae.com/what-every-guy-should-know-about-pleasuring-women-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-11869 Phillip Kelly Tue, 31 Jan 2012 16:04:05 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=4760#comment-11869 ^^^By no means trying to brag. I just think you are all 100% right when it comes to women, thier so much more to them getting off psychologically then that actual body itself getting like it is for men. And will disagree though, when it comes to a man. We can't always just get off 1,2,3. Like if some chick was a dead fish or a board and not into it all. That is just a big turn off, I had that happen once to me and I went limp while inside her. I'm 22 by the way so I can't blame it on old age. It just got to me that much. ^^^By no means trying to brag. I just think you are all 100% right when it comes to women, thier so much more to them getting off psychologically then that actual body itself getting like it is for men.

And will disagree though, when it comes to a man. We can’t always just get off 1,2,3. Like if some chick was a dead fish or a board and not into it all. That is just a big turn off, I had that happen once to me and I went limp while inside her. I’m 22 by the way so I can’t blame it on old age. It just got to me that much.

]]> Comment on What Every Guy Should Know About Pleasuring Women (part 1) by Phillip Kelly http://vanae.com/what-every-guy-should-know-about-pleasuring-women-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-11868 Phillip Kelly Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:54:14 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=4760#comment-11868 Hmmmm; after watching this video and listening to the females perspective; I guess I've just been lucky. Whether it was a relationshhip, or just sort of a one night stand . . . (I say sort of because normally if I'm having sex with a girl it will happen quite a few times, but not necessarily in a relationship. What would you call that by the way? Where your not in a relationship but your having sex frequently and hanging out having a good time with the girl?). . . I have always emphasized on boosting thier confidence. I started doing that after I was this one girl that I thought was amazingly sexy, all the guys I knew thought she was amazingly sexy, any guy would see this girl and get stiff within 5 seconds. But unlike the rest that just looked from afar I spoke to her as if she was just another person not hot at all. But when we did end to the point of having sex a few weeks later; I could see it in her eyes that she was actually nervous to what I thought of her body. Even though I had undress her and looked like a little kid does when wakes up Christmass morning seeing all those presents under the tree. I am far from being an adonis or anything you would see in magazine. I'm 6'5", kind of lanky, pale skin complexion, and at the time had some horrible body acne. Yet here was this girl that was increadibly vulernable in front of me. I was amazed by that, but it was then I realized just what you were talking about when it comes to boosting a girls self image. Maybe my grammar is a bit off, this was a few years back, but after seeing the video I think back to that day I see just what you mean. I was very verbal with her and open with. Later on she told me that was the best sex and orgasm she ever had. Hmmmm; after watching this video and listening to the females perspective; I guess I’ve just been lucky. Whether it was a relationshhip, or just sort of a one night stand . . . (I say sort of because normally if I’m having sex with a girl it will happen quite a few times, but not necessarily in a relationship. What would you call that by the way? Where your not in a relationship but your having sex frequently and hanging out having a good time with the girl?). . . I have always emphasized on boosting thier confidence. I started doing that after I was this one girl that I thought was amazingly sexy, all the guys I knew thought she was amazingly sexy, any guy would see this girl and get stiff within 5 seconds. But unlike the rest that just looked from afar I spoke to her as if she was just another person not hot at all. But when we did end to the point of having sex a few weeks later; I could see it in her eyes that she was actually nervous to what I thought of her body. Even though I had undress her and looked like a little kid does when wakes up Christmass morning seeing all those presents under the tree. I am far from being an adonis or anything you would see in magazine. I’m 6’5″, kind of lanky, pale skin complexion, and at the time had some horrible body acne. Yet here was this girl that was increadibly vulernable in front of me. I was amazed by that, but it was then I realized just what you were talking about when it comes to boosting a girls self image. Maybe my grammar is a bit off, this was a few years back, but after seeing the video I think back to that day I see just what you mean. I was very verbal with her and open with. Later on she told me that was the best sex and orgasm she ever had.

]]> Comment on What Every Guy Should Know About Pleasuring Women (part 1) by hrm http://vanae.com/what-every-guy-should-know-about-pleasuring-women-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-11861 hrm Tue, 31 Jan 2012 07:34:35 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=4760#comment-11861 I like to follow what i call the NOLB (no one's orgasm left behind) initiative & typically communicate this with the men i am dating more seriously. I think it's important for both a man & woman to feel satisfied & closer after having sex and care about getting closer & satisfying one another during sex. I don't know if it's easier for me have (multiple) orgasms, though ( multiple orgasms are god's gift to women:) always felt a man should try to wait to orgasm (unless impossible), until the girl has an orgasm. If a guy has an orgasm & knows the girl hasn't: 1. If he continues to do things to pleasure her until she has an orgasm (or is satisfied), that's awesome! 2. If he says sorry & stops or rolls over & falls asleep (whether he's shy, tired or just an asshole), it sucks & makes it seem like a guy just wanted a body to get off; or use a live body rather than masturbating. I think it's important to feel comfortable enough to pleasure your partner & feel comfortable enough to let your partner pleasure you.... I like to follow what i call the NOLB (no one’s orgasm left behind) initiative & typically communicate this with the men i am dating more seriously.

I think it’s important for both a man & woman to feel satisfied & closer after having sex and care about getting closer & satisfying one another during sex.
I don’t know if it’s easier for me have (multiple) orgasms, though ( multiple orgasms are god’s gift to women:)
always felt a man should try to wait to orgasm (unless impossible), until the girl has an orgasm.

If a guy has an orgasm & knows the girl hasn’t:
1. If he continues to do things to pleasure her until she has an orgasm (or is satisfied), that’s awesome!
2. If he says sorry & stops or rolls over & falls asleep (whether he’s shy, tired or just an asshole), it sucks & makes it seem like a guy just wanted a body to get off; or use a live body rather than masturbating.

I think it’s important to feel comfortable enough to pleasure your partner & feel comfortable enough to let your partner pleasure you….

]]> Comment on Sexless in the city by Falken http://vanae.com/sexless-in-the-city/comment-page-1/#comment-11581 Falken Wed, 04 Jan 2012 12:32:21 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=947#comment-11581 I'm going to go out on a limb here, and express how I would address the situation. Yes some people can have a healthy relationship with no sex at all... but that is not the case here, sexless is a man who is looking for intimacy in the relationship, and she (for whatever reason; we will get to that later) does not. From what I can tell from the limited information given, this is not/will not be a healthy relationship if something is not done about it. I would first talk to her about it. I don't mean take her out to dinner, give her flowers, and wine then talk... no~ Don't do that. Talk to her about it in a comfortable place (maybe your home, bedroom, living room... whatever). Be truthful, express yourself, your needs and how you see this as a problem. Then ask her about her "drive"; why is it so low, is there anything I'm doing/could be doing differently? You'd be amazed at how many people I have known in this situation. In the end, after talking about it, for many reasons things have worked out. The couples sex lives picked up, and with a boom. There can be many reasons for a low sexual drive. She may just not have experienced the tops of the top, she may be in to "different" things (ever thought about exploring your sexuality together?), and more. Now I'm not telling you to go out and get some silk rope, paddles, and a whip... 0.o ...but there are many MANY books (both in store and online) many you can get for free about sexuality, sexual expression, passion in the bed, all that stuff. Maybe during the talk you have with her, you could talk about exploring together some time. The bottom line is; you want to get her drive higher, but not push her there. Let her find her way to a higher drive, with your assistance. Find ways, talk about ways, and explore them. Oh ya~ I may be an "unconventional" lover (D/s, ext...) But I would never tell anyone to seek out a "behind the scenes" lover. Cheating on your wife will not do any good for the relationship! I’m going to go out on a limb here, and express how I would address the situation.

Yes some people can have a healthy relationship with no sex at all… but that is not the case here, sexless is a man who is looking for intimacy in the relationship, and she (for whatever reason; we will get to that later) does not. From what I can tell from the limited information given, this is not/will not be a healthy relationship if something is not done about it.

I would first talk to her about it. I don’t mean take her out to dinner, give her flowers, and wine then talk… no~ Don’t do that. Talk to her about it in a comfortable place (maybe your home, bedroom, living room… whatever). Be truthful, express yourself, your needs and how you see this as a problem. Then ask her about her “drive”; why is it so low, is there anything I’m doing/could be doing differently?

You’d be amazed at how many people I have known in this situation. In the end, after talking about it, for many reasons things have worked out. The couples sex lives picked up, and with a boom.

There can be many reasons for a low sexual drive. She may just not have experienced the tops of the top, she may be in to “different” things (ever thought about exploring your sexuality together?), and more. Now I’m not telling you to go out and get some silk rope, paddles, and a whip… 0.o …but there are many MANY books (both in store and online) many you can get for free about sexuality, sexual expression, passion in the bed, all that stuff. Maybe during the talk you have with her, you could talk about exploring together some time.

The bottom line is; you want to get her drive higher, but not push her there. Let her find her way to a higher drive, with your assistance. Find ways, talk about ways, and explore them.

Oh ya~ I may be an “unconventional” lover (D/s, ext…) But I would never tell anyone to seek out a “behind the scenes” lover. Cheating on your wife will not do any good for the relationship!

]]> Comment on Are you overthinking? How to stop! by Ellie http://vanae.com/are-you-overthinking-it-how-to-stop/comment-page-1/#comment-11277 Ellie Mon, 19 Dec 2011 04:11:52 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=420#comment-11277 I am SO glad there are so many comments on this topic! I have felt so alone because i thought that i was the only one who thought like this to the degree that i do. I know it'd so unhealthy and i've been doing it since i was just little (i'm 24 now). I have been dating the most amazing person and i feel that i am picking apart his every move. He's 19, he hasn't picked a major in school yet, etc. These are just some of the things i panic about. I worry so much about everything that i give myself panic attacks to the point of being sick. He's such an incredible person and calms me down when this happens but shortly after, i'm back at it again, overthinking everything he does. It's EXHAUSTING!! but i feel like there isn't any other way to act. This has killed several relationships for me and i just need to stop because when i'm not anxious and stressed, i feel that he could be someone i could marry one day. I do love that you're all writing about your issues as it makes me feel so much better!!! Thank you thank you THANK YOU! I am SO glad there are so many comments on this topic! I have felt so alone because i thought that i was the only one who thought like this to the degree that i do. I know it’d so unhealthy and i’ve been doing it since i was just little (i’m 24 now). I have been dating the most amazing person and i feel that i am picking apart his every move. He’s 19, he hasn’t picked a major in school yet, etc. These are just some of the things i panic about. I worry so much about everything that i give myself panic attacks to the point of being sick. He’s such an incredible person and calms me down when this happens but shortly after, i’m back at it again, overthinking everything he does. It’s EXHAUSTING!! but i feel like there isn’t any other way to act. This has killed several relationships for me and i just need to stop because when i’m not anxious and stressed, i feel that he could be someone i could marry one day. I do love that you’re all writing about your issues as it makes me feel so much better!!! Thank you thank you THANK YOU!

]]> Comment on The Best Advice For Your 20′s and A Reminder For Your 40′s by Neven http://vanae.com/the-best-advice-for-your-20s-and-a-reminder-in-your-40s/comment-page-1/#comment-11274 Neven Sun, 18 Dec 2011 21:56:56 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=4720#comment-11274 Thank you Vanae. Hugs. Thank you Vanae. Hugs.

]]> Comment on The Best Advice For Your 20′s and A Reminder For Your 40′s by Wissam http://vanae.com/the-best-advice-for-your-20s-and-a-reminder-in-your-40s/comment-page-1/#comment-11272 Wissam Sun, 18 Dec 2011 20:11:06 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=4720#comment-11272 I like some of the advice, but there is a considerable part revolving around god. Too much dependency on a divinity. And it doesn't apply to me. I like some of the advice, but there is a considerable part revolving around god. Too much dependency on a divinity. And it doesn’t apply to me.

]]> Comment on Confirmation Vstar List by Mickey Sanchez http://vanae.com/thankyouforjoining/comment-page-1/#comment-11088 Mickey Sanchez Mon, 12 Dec 2011 06:25:46 +0000 http://vanae.com/?page_id=4655#comment-11088 Hello Vanae. I'd like to thank you too for sending these tips. I guess I'm one of your thousands of followers who appreciate your thoughts and insights on day to day living. Keep up the good work and more power! Mickey :) Manila, Philippines Hello Vanae. I’d like to thank you too for sending these tips. I guess I’m one of your thousands of followers who appreciate your thoughts and insights on day to day living. Keep up the good work and more power!

Mickey :)
Manila, Philippines

]]> Comment on 8 Signs of an unhealthy relationship by Diana http://vanae.com/8-signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-11078 Diana Sun, 11 Dec 2011 17:19:17 +0000 http://vanae.com/?p=867#comment-11078 7 out of the 8 is what I am going through right now , I am with my daughters father and we have been together for about 3 years and he is such a selfish person , we literally only have sex like every 2 weeks and I know that's not healthy but it's him that is doing it . I am trying to make it work because I want to raise our family together but I am getting so fed up . I don't want to cheat in order for me to be satisfied and I am only 27 so why should I even put up with that? Don't get me wrong I love him but am I more used to him them anything else . It's so hard every time I think of leaving him something holds me back and that's because I hate being lonely. Some one give me advise on what I should do please. 7 out of the 8 is what I am going through right now , I am with my daughters father and we have been together for about 3 years and he is such a selfish person , we literally only have sex like every 2 weeks and I know that’s not healthy but it’s him that is doing it . I am trying to make it work because I want to raise our family together but I am getting so fed up . I don’t want to cheat in order for me to be satisfied and I am only 27 so why should I even put up with that? Don’t get me wrong I love him but am I more used to him them anything else . It’s so hard every time I think of leaving him something holds me back and that’s because I hate being lonely. Some one give me advise on what I should do please.

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