“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”
? Rumi

Many of us spend most of our lives searching for our other halves – as if we are incomplete until we find “THE ONE”. And inevitably, this hunt sets up expectations that bring disappointment that then becomes misery. Familiar with this process?

We become jaded and doubtful. “So where is this THE ONE person?” or “This relationship was supposed to be the one”. Worse, we lose sight of ourselves and the beauty of life itself.

I have learned from my personal journey of love, and from the gift of Vipassana, that I’d been searching in vain for my other half, when it’s been with me all along.

The fact is…I am whole. And YOU ARE complete and whole just as you are.

Too often, people seek coaching with me because they believe there’s something inherently wrong with them… Don’t seek coaching to fix yourself. You’re not broken. We are human … we are designed to be imperfect. Coaching will work best for you when you seek it because you love to learn, and to evolve into a more conscious individual, with inner fulfillment, and stronger connections to others.

People seek businesses coaches, not because they think their business sucks and think it’s inherently messed up. People seek business coaches to expand their business, expand and evolve. If we take the same approach to dating and personal development, we can also expand and evolve this compassion and space, and share that tremendous growth in your mind and in your heart.

Find that love within yourself and in the community. Because when you take yourself off this pointless search for love, when you understand and trust that the love you seek from your future partner has been with you all along, you’ll naturally take the steps in the right direction.

Can you imagine being so focused and meditative that you could allow a major itch on your body just away without scratching it?

I just got back from an incredible journey of 10 days of silent meditation- Vipassana course – in Joshua Tree, CA. It was the longest 10 days of my life -intense, challenging, emotional, painful, peaceful….life-changing. What is Vipassana? It is the original teaching and gift of Buddha to see and feel things the way they are- help eradicate misery and develop more love and compassion. It’s for any one, from any religion, from any background.

This 10 day meditation camp/course consists of:
- Waking up at 4am and meditate throughout the day til 9pm (of course, with breaks and meals in between)
- Working in solitude though you’re surrounded by others
- No talking, no cell phone, no internet, no music, no writing- NO DISTRACTIONS besides your own mind
- You are served fresh, delicious vegetarian meals every day
- You live in a modest environment
- It is a donation based course (you can offer to donate for the next students and/or volunteer)

The concept is that misery is a part of life. But when we react to our emotions, it brings more misery to us and those around us. Simply put: When an event happens, our mind interprets it and emotions come up and surface as sensations in our body. If we are able to notice these sensations as they arise and just observe them, not letting them manifest into a verbal or physical response, then we can hold equanimity = peace.

And what better way to believe in something, than to actually experience it in our own body as the ultimate truth, rather than what we were taught is in a book, a teaching or because someone said so.

What led me here?
Beginning of this summer, I had a conversation with my soul sister, Vaishaili, about wanting to slow down in life and taking this summer to focus on my spiritual path- to be more conscious of my actions before and after. She said to me, “I know the perfect thing for you and it won’t cost you any money.” Who knew that what she was about to suggest to me would send me on a deep diving journey and would become a life-changer for me.

What I gained for Vipassana?
- There’s a lot things I can go without or less of (meat, luxuries, dinner, beauty products)
- How I am responsible for my own life, misery, refuge and not to seek that in others to save me
- How my childhood has impacted my behaviors as an adult, but it doesn’t have to be the master of me
- How having compassion for my exs gave me even more peace
- How important motherhood is to me. I had a lot of images of me being a mother
- How technology, email and modern life is such a distraction
- How without those distractions, I had the biggest surge of pure creativity
- My roomie, now wonderful new friend, Jacqueline, and I are planning to serve & volunteer somewhere in the world

My favorite parts of this journey:
- At 7am, after meditating and a great breakfast, I would take a stroll in the wonderful cool desert.
- Before the evening meditation, getting to see the sun set in the desert. So many brilliant colors in the sky.
- The awesome fresh, healthy vegetarian meals that were served. The healthiest meals of my life.
- Image of future me meditating, wrapping my arms around my belly. I was 8 months pregnant and my baby was smiling contently in the womb.

Best Practical tips for First Timers (esp for the ladies going to Joshua Tree):
- When you’re doing the group meditation for an hour and your body is getting tense (your stomach is growling or your digestive system is making noises)…Don’t fight it. Let your body work itself out and make it’s sounds. Everyone’s stomach is going off. It’s a freakin’ orchestra in the meditation room.

- If you have to share a bathroom with others, don’t be embarrassed about poo-ing. It’s natural. Just be courteous and get this

- Bring sunscreen (esp if you’re at Joshua Tree)

- Bring shampoo and conditioner. This may seem like a no-brainer, but I wanted to be minimal and use my organic face wash for my body and hair too (just like Dr.Brommers soap). Wrong. It dried out my hair, made it oily and I’m sure half of my hair fell out.

- No shoes required- all you need is a pair of flip flops. Be comfortable. You’ll be taking your shoes off all the time anyways.

- Don’t bring make-up. Waking up at 4am, you’ll be miserable enough not to care. No one else does. Plus men and women are separated, so there’s no need to impress

- Bring light colored comfortable clothes. No one cares that you wear your pajama pants to group meditation. In fact, I loved it because it was soo comfortable.

- Though there are gong bells to let you know when meditation starts, you should bring your own alarm clock or borrow from the center.

- On the Day 4 is when you really start Vipassana – meditation where you can’t move at all. Also, the schedule of the day changes a little bit for this day.

- SURRENDER. Don’t fight any sensations or thoughts. Just let go and surrender yourself to the process. You’ll gain a lot from it.

What gifts and lessons have you gained from vulnerability?

We often times lose ourselves in a relationship, or a job or a phase in our lives, losing the feeling of our feet on firm ground.

Do you wonder why you overcompensate?
Need the approval of others to be your own stamp of approval?
Catching moments where you’re asking yourself “Am I enough?”

Well, today I was able to connect with my inner goddess and she said “You are MORE than enough”. I wanted to share this with you and remember this in times when you are in self-doubt, in pain or feel catching yourself taking all the blame….be kind to yourself, heal and remember that

YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

Here’s the first episode of Review Wednesdae, where I review dating sites, products, books or services. In this episode, I review my two favorite things: OkCupid.com and the book, Essential Spirituality by Roger Walsh.

What do you think of OkCupid.com? Your thoughts on Essential Spirituality?

Paul is a dating coach on the East Coast, focusing on building the relationship between men & women through genuine connection. I like his philosophy in helping people and might be doing another fun interview soon.

Let me know what you think of the juicy advice we talked about and what questions you’d like us to answer next time.

How would the world be with more of your kindness? Let me know what you think of the video!

Tanzan and Ekido were once travelling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling. Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

“Come on, girl,” said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks can’t be near females,” he told Tanzan, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”

“I left the girl there,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”

(Sometimes the right decision means not following the rules. The important thing is to act, then let it go and move on.- notes from Brave New Traveler)

V’stars, what did you gain from this story?

Before you think I got all Jesus freak on you, I’ll let you know why I like this video.
- You can tell the passion in this woman. She had a calling and even when she didn’t support from those around her, she got creative and made it happen.
- I love what she said here “If you stop seeking of approval for others, you’ll be track on track for your assignment. Forget things that don’t matter: approval, cliques…”
- “You’re on an assignment. You have a purpose and a calling.”

With any piece of content, you absorb what you find beneficial and grow from it.

Plus, she’s a strong willed woman…and I like that!

Clip from the Greek Theatre show, Michael Franti performing “I’ll be waiting for you”- with lyrics “The best things in life aren’t things/They’re living, they’re breathing.” It’s a song about being there for other people, ready to catch them when they fall.

Now, I wasn’t a Michael Franti fan…not until last night when I witnessed him in action at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley. I’ve never seen so many middle aged people boggeying on down! We were an eclectic audience mixed with former hippies, little children, older gentleman and young people and we were all dancing the night away. The way he interacted with the audience, it was clear that there was no distinction between the performers and the audience…we were whole, uniting through music and soul.

His music and lyrics were uplifting and moving. He encouraged us to hug our friends next to us and show appreciation. That’s exactly what I did…appreciating this great evening with good friends. I felt the impact Michael had on people with his music- community, unity, love, meaning…

I was thinking about impact and people…then it hit me…

I don’t have the most subscribers on YouTube…
My video views aren’t nearly as much as the video of a barfing kitty…
Nor do I have millions of hits on my blog…
but none of that truly matters.

For the 25,000 v’stars out there and counting (leading with soul and self empowerment)…I’m proud of each of you! You’re making the world a better place, by creating meaning for yourself, evolving and making a positive impact on others. What we’re putting in place…is exponential goodness and for that, makes me feel fuzzy and proud.

I guess what I’m saying is…QUALITY OVER QUANTITY!

In the same way Michael Franti’s music and spirit touched me, I hope you are inspired by his lyrics to live with meaning with everything you have- your life.