Vanae: Your Relationship Guide

Hey V’stars!

In the last 2 weeks, you’ve been requesting this topic: ‘Should I go for my friend’s ex?’. This is very tricky area! Personally, I don’t believe in sloppy seconds and plus my girlfriends and I have very different taste in men. Hence, I will never venture into jeopardizing my friendship with any of my girlfriends. Love interests are a dime in a dozen!

You wouldn’t want to jeopardize your friendship. Let me tell yah…most people you are/will be interested in are not worth messing up your friendship… UNLESS you truly believe he/she is really THE ONE.

Here’s what you do:

1. Weigh out the consequences. How close are you with that friend? Is it worth it? If so…
2. Out of respect: Talk to your friend about how she/he feels about you dating their ex
3. Once you get ‘approval’, then go for it!
4. Keep in mind, that even if your friend gives the green light, that doesn’t mean your interest will reciprocate the feelings

What do you think? Have you dated a friend’s ex?

Vanae’s tip of the dae: Friendships (especially close friendships), lasts a lot longer than love interests! So give it much thought and consideration and be sure to talk to your friend before charting in nasty territory!

You’re laying in bed next to her. You glance at her plump lips and now, you’re getting aroused. YOU WANT HER. She looks at you and makes eye contact. Then she tells you…”I’m not in the mood”.

WTH!

I recently received this email:

“Dear Vanae,

I love you on your site and youtube!

Me: 29 Male NYC. I am married, unhappily so. We both have 2 totally different sex drives. I want it all the time, while she is happy with once a month quickie. She also likes to play dead a lot in bed. What I want to know from you is should this be a deal breaker? Or stay comfortable and unhappy…since a woman with a high drive like mine may cheat!

My friends tell me to find a lover…a single woman who does not care or a married/attached woman who is in the same situation.

I have not been single in years…don;t even remember how to be single lol

I need your view PLEASE!”

Dear Sexless in the city,

Seriously, you DO NOT want to cheat on your wife. Trust me, extra-marital affairs just makes things really fucked up. Not only that, if you think you’re not getting sex from your wife now..wait til she finds out that you cheated.

Intimacy, romance and sex are very key to keep a passionate relationship. Make your marriage and sex life work by tackling the root. Find out answers to these questions:

Did she have a lower sex drive before getting married?
Is it an issue of her being tired? bored? insecure? lack of attraction?

Knowing the answers to these will be a good starting point to addressing this. In the meanwhile, communicate with her! In general, tell her that intimacy makes you feel closer to her. Give her verbal compliments. Most of all, talk to her about it and let her know that you want to make your romance/intimacy better.

Vanae

We all been been-there-done-this! I know I went through one 4 years ago and came out of it stronger and here to share my experience. Unhealthy relationships are usually with the one we fell flat-on-our-face-for. So intense that you lose yourself! But you need to recognize the damage before becoming handicapped.

Signs that your relationship is unhealthy:

1. Your significant other is the only person you hang out with
2. You flake out on people & responsibilities to spend more time with your gf/bf
3. There’s abuse (mental, verbal, physical, emotional) from either sides
4. You have no support system besides him/her
5. Deep down, you feel like you’ve lost yourself
6. You’re constantly disappointed
7. There’s constant jealousy and no trust
8. He/she restricts you (hanging out with certain people, goals)

Get out of there as soon as possible, or you’ll build up so much resentment that you’ll explode! If you do, it’ll be too late to salvage a friendship.

Gain a healthy relationship through:

A. Balance
She/he can be an important part of your life, but not what your life is all about. You need to balance your time, priorities, wants, needs and self.

B. Communication
Don’t let things bottle up inside. Be sure to communicate effectively to improve your connection. If you there’s something bothering you, then tell her/him that.

C. Understanding
Take the time to listen and understand where she/he is coming from. This will help with patience and it’ll strengthen your bond. She/he will feel like they can open up to you.

D. Independence
A person who can hold their own (opinion, goals, thoughts, social life) shows independence. No one wants a super slingy person.

When did you realize it was an unhealthy relationship? How did you get out of it?

So I’ve decided to give you guys my v’book preview for FREE: Peep: Fuck Her, Fuck Him. (out at the end of December). This v’book is an excerpt of the full version of Fuck Her, Fuck Him that will be officially released in February ‘09. You can pre-order Fuck Her, Fuck Him by making a $15 payment to my paypal and you’ll receive a special Christmas card from me!