FUN MONDAY: A classic Zen story to share with you-
Tanzan and Ekido were once travelling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling. Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.
“Come on, girl,” said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.
Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks can’t be near females,” he told Tanzan, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”
“I left the girl there,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”
(Sometimes the right decision means not following the rules. The important thing is to act, then let it go and move on.- notes from Brave New Traveler)
Vanae’s Tip of The Dae: Always have the following items at your place in case of a lady sleepover:
- New toothbrushes
- Lotion (Aveena or something similar, because yes, we actually do use lotion)
- Bottles of water, tea and alcohol (wine, smirnoff ice mango is delicious)
- Comfortable tshirt for her to sleep in
My most favorite part of coaching is the in-person interaction: whether it’s doing workshops, guest speaking or just having a discussion with young people. I’ve been on speaking panels and a guest speaker at different colleges and I absolutely love it! There’s something very powerful in the interactions. To really make a connection and have a peer-to-peer chat that’s more effective than a boring lecture, which you may feel like you’re being talked at, instead of with. The feeling that you’re truly making a connection and hopefully, they left feeling inspired to think about their health, their goals or for more self-awareness.
I recently did a talk at Virginia Tech on the topic of Interracial Dating and doing a live QnA session with the students. It was so much fun! We talked about societal/cultural/family pressure for us to date within our race and how to approach this communication. I’ve always loved talking with young people. Their energy. Their curiosity. Their intelligence and just the fun discussion to provoke more curiosity and understanding.
In a way, Im fulfilling one of my dreams.
I remember being a freshman in college, sitting in class and looking up front to the guest speaker who was presenting. She was older. She was talking about sexual health. She seemed as though she was reading through a list of notes. There was no connection. The information didn’t soak in. I couldn’t even tell you what I learned from that talk. and I remember thinking…
I want to educate, by connecting with young people. One day, I’m going to stand in front of classes and groups of young people and have a discussion with them. In order to really get through to students, the connection has to be genuine. Powerful in the personal experience. Verbage and language has to be aligned. The main thing, the student and speaker has to relate. I’m going to do that in a fun, peer-to-peer way and make a difference.
and today, I’m blessed to say…I’m doing exactly that. Doing workshops and speaking with young people about sexual health (for my non-profit Rock Your Awareness), dating, communication, relationships (through my life & dating coaching), impacts on multi-cultural communities and growing up as Asian American.
So thank you to Tom Medina and Virginia Tech for the wonderful opportunity!
New mantra: I choose to live by choice and not by chance; to make changes, not excuses; to be motivated, not manipulated; to be useful, and not used; to excel, not compete.
I spotted this on a pornstar’s twitter bio. No Joke. and I like it!
V’stars, what is your mantra?
Mr. Seth wrote a blog post today, YOU ROCK, about putting pressure on yourself to do big things, when it only takes a lil bit to make a difference. Now, I totally get that he’s trying to motivate people. That…just 5 minutes of action can be significant. I’m a fan of the guy…he’s cute (in an inspiring- the world- kinda way). By the way, I’m well aware that men don’t like being described as ‘cute’ but I’ll give that to him anyway. I loved the overall message of his blog post.
But something about this part just didn’t sit right with me when he wrote, “You rock. This is deceptive. You don’t rock all the time. No one does. No one is a rock star, superstar, world-changing artist all the time. In fact, it’s a self-defeating goal. You can’t do it.”
Saying that is like saying “You’re wonderful. This is deceptive. You’re not wonderful all the time. No one is…”
Saying that would dismiss you as a whole.
Here’s what I think. YOU’RE WONDERFUL or YOU ROCK. You own it. It’s not exactly about what you do. It’s about you as a being. It’s you as a whole.
You feel me? Got all ghetto with you for a second there. I TRULY BELIEVE each and everyone of you…ROCK! It’s in you. That potential is brewing, if not expressed already. It’s not about what you do. It’s about who you are and the attitude & contributions that comes from there (inside you) when you fully embrace your awesomeness.
So, my question to you is….When you realize that YOU ROCK, this inspires you to _______________? V’stars, I want you to fill in the blank.
Vanae’s Tip of the Dae (inspired by Seth Gobin): Take a deep breath and take the time for your inner goodness to express kindness and share something. (well, not referring to swapping spit)
I wanna share the rest of Seth’s blog post, that I really dig… “Five minutes to write a blog post that changes everything, or five minutes to deliver an act of generosity that changes someone. Five minutes to invent a great new feature, or five minutes to teach a groundbreaking skill in a way that no one ever thought of before. Five minutes to tell the truth (or hear the truth).
Five minutes a day you might do exceptional work, remarkable work, work that matters. Five minutes a day you might defeat the lizard brain long enough to stand up and make a difference.”
Recently, I was talking to a friend who’s in a relationship, which he knew it wasn’t going to last long-term. She’s a good person, but she wasn’t the right one for him. Sad part is…she has no idea.
People are in denial about their feelings. The line gets blurred between being dishonest of where the relationship is going versus just being complacent to see where it flows. If anytime you’re in a relationship and it dawns on you that it won’t work out long term, you need to be honest with your partner. Last thing you want to do is lead your partner on, causing more pain (than you were hoping to avoid).
Now, if your partner knows the certainty or uncertainty of a long term relationship, then at least they can make that decision to stay or accept that it’s a short-term thing. Otherwise, it’s leaving your partner in the dark and keeping that person in your life in selfishness.
It’s one thing, when both people have decided to enjoy and live out the fun relationship even if it’s short term. It’s another thing, when one person knows it’s going to end soon, yet leads the other person on.
Think about this: What if the roles were reversed? Would you want the other person to let you know if s/he knew it wasn’t going to work out long term?
Vanae’s tip of the dae: Be true to your partner, but more importantly…true to yourself. Be with someone you really care for, not just for the sake of being with someone. I’d rather be happily alone than lead someone on.
V’stars, have you been on either sides of this situation? How did it turn out?
I recognize that there are v’stars who want to attend my workshops but live across the world. So I wanted to create a fun, affordable and interactive way which you join me no matter where you live: a LIVE VIDEO WORKSHOP with me!
Friday, February 5th @ 6pm (Pacific Time), I will be having my first live video workshop, where I’ll be covering a big topic and v’stars can chat with me LIVE. You don’t need a webcam! and guess what? You get to decide what the topic of the first live video workshop will be!
Please cast your vote below. You have until 1/24 to vote and I will be sending out details on how you can register for this exclusive opportunity!!
