I live in a popular area in California, that is very diverse in ethnicity and cultures, so interracial couples are super common. But it’s funny, how I can, in just a few seconds, always spot mail-order brides. Let’s just go with the stereotype: older geeky white guy with young, non-english speaking petite Asian wife who’s 7 months pregnant. Okae, I may be exaggerating here, but this got me thinking about true love and if it’s possible for it to grow between two strangers through time.
Ideally, we all would like this sequence – find our perfect match> fall in love > get married > family…in that order. But what about mail order brides, where both parties are there to fit a need. The man wants a wife and the female wants a citizenship and a better life in America. But of course, they don’t start off their relationships with love. It starts with fitting a need.
How about in the cases of arranged marriages, where an individual is set up for marriage by the parents? Usually there is no long courtship as the female and male only get a few face to face encounters (if that), to make a decision for marriage. You put trust in your parents to make the right connection.
So in these instances, where love is not the start base of the relationship …is it possible to have true love if it wasn’t the foundation in the first place? Basically, can true love be harvested and grow with time?
I have friends who were in arranged marriages and they are deeply in love with their wives. So as much as I’d like to ideally fall in love first, I’m open to the idea that true love can grow. Because true love can be/is…
unconventional…
unconditional…
true love doesn’t have boundaries…
true love IS.
Game Dae Wednesdae survey: But V’stars, I would love to know what you think! Do you think true love can grow on people?
Well Love is a a very vague word that applies to multiple situations and multiple meanings.
)
You love your mother and you love your partner, both are love, but totally different thing (I hope anyway… or I would pretend that I never stumbled upon your blog
The fall in love , get married thing is one way. And the mail bride is another, arranged marriages have been there for millenniums, so its just another form.
In a way, people who married out of need are blessed with something, they wouldn’t have the delusional first period, where their partner is perfect etc..
sorry had a trail of thoughts and it got broken, don’t know how to continue anymore.
if I remember after I wake up, I will write it.
My first focus was like Wissam’s reply. People focus on what they want in life.
Can true love be harvested? Probably. Man & Woman have an uncanny knack of doing most anything they focus on accomplishing. The romantic in me says: true love is something that you feel, more than gather.
Also, the mail order bride topic grabbed my attention. It was hot topic a few years back; in this area. True love can devently flourish in that relationship dymnamic.
I used to work with a lady from Honduras. She was drop flop & roll gorgeous. Plus, she no comprendo-ed the english. The whole time I was like: don’t sexually harass that. Then we got into breaking down the language barrier, & I really loved that part of the extracurricular job scenario.
Later on, I kinda wondered, if we were to fall in love, date etc etc. Would I have hooked up with her because she was beautiful, or because the communication obstacles made me feel like a teacher.
I would guess an arranged marriage would go down in a similar way, with alot of focus on what is going on in said marriage, from “outsiders”(lack of a better word).
I think people can grow into love. But, I sure would Love to fall in Love first. And then just let that love grow into more love, and more love. And just have lots and lots of love in every aspect of my relationship and life. Easier said than done, but I think you have got to love yourself first. It takes so much time.But I think this kind of philosophy will really help me in a marriage some day.
hey v’star scottie,
yeah, ideally, falling in love first is the fairytale way and to evolve more love along the way. golden.
keep loving.
V
As you said, love simply IS. Since I was very young I was told to find a woman of color. Simple as that. However, as I grew older and pushed the question of “Why a woman of color?” I began to get answers and an expansion of the boundaries my parents put on my dating life. It went from blacks only to blacks and Latinos. Eventually it got to where they’ve begun to tell me this.
“You can choose who you look at. You can choose who you date. You can choose who you marry. But you can’t choose who you fall in love with. If you love her then so do we.”
So love can be found anywhere, can grow in any condition, and even do some unconventional things. In the end, it’s still love though.
v’star daniel,
i loved that quote from your family!
my mum is always asking me when i’ll get married and i always reply ‘i can’t choose who i fall in love with. it’ll happen at the right time with the right person.’
thanks for sharing, D.
vanae
I think yes it can grow on people , but for me I’d like to fall in love first cuz I don’t know when it will be a strong feeling ? I h8 to wait
I would assume most mail order brides don’t know too much about divorce in America and getting 50 percent. Sure true love can be cultivated. Sure you can find love in the most odd of places. But I think the public fought too long and hard to get away from needing to feel as if the perfect marriage scenario were necessary.
But I think to REALLY fall in love, you need a real love for yourself. Then you need to know to act on the mirror images of your happiness…personified by those who attract you. I guess it makes for a great topic, but we may as well CHOOSE the one we love seeing that we have the opportunity. I do believe love does involve fitting a need/desire on all levels. You either love someone because it moves you ahead in the social process & then figure out all the nice little things about each other. Or you figure out the nice little things about each other and decide to marry and move ahead. Either way, the need has been taken care of & the FEELING is the same.
Peace
I like this statement.
I agree for the most part. Love isn’t so much a feeling as a choice. More times then not infatuation is misconstrue as love. So to CHOOSE to indulge in the idea of this misread passion makes Love really only a cover.
In my eyes, what love is thought to be. Isn’t love at all. Love leaves no room for hindsight.
But in a world of today with divorce rates being sky high, I think my opinion proves its own merits.
i totally concur with you v’star adam, on loving yourself first!
Vanae
As for weather or not love can grow on people. I think it can
Now that
and does happen all the time. Not just in the case of an arranged
marriage or mail order bride. Most people have an ideal of the kind
of the person they want to be with. Usually they figure the person
will have a certain look, be of a certain race, share in common
values etc. sometimes they find someone who fits the ideal but how
many times do people end up falling for people they never expected
to? all the time of course!! I think It’s pretty easy to fall into
love but it’s a whole lot harder to get out of it
isn’t to say I’m dissing the whole arranged marriage thing…
I happen to have 2 friends ( aged 16 and 17) who will be getting
married later this year. For them they seem perfectly happy and
contented with the whole arrangement and I guess when it comes down
to it that’s what matters.
hey girl,
in high school, i also had 2 friends (age 17) who got married (not through arranged marriages) and it was an interesting journey for them.
today, one is divorced. the other is happily married.
so arranged or not, hard to say if the marriage will work out in the long run, considering how well you know your significant other.
how are things with the new man?
V
I’ll have to email you later and give you the full report
To Put It Simply Without Any Gobbledygook
All types of love need to have an origin, and it’s from that origin that true love eventually grows between individuals.
BTW V-Stars, as you may already know I always like to share my favorite songs with you.
This is my all-time favorite song about resisting falling in-love with someone http://tinyurl.com/nzul4f
very cool.
thanks for sharing the tune, v’star cesar!