ASK VANAE FRIDAE
Q. Hi Vanae,
I’ve been feeling really really depressed for months. It’s like my life just isn’t going the way I planned. It just seems like every time I try to be happy I end up with some kind of disappointment. I’m tired of feeling like a total failure at everything. I’ve been rejected by every college that I’ve applied to. My grades are slipping so far. I feel like no one understands me and I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of feeling like I’m not good enough all the time. I’m tired of being so shy all the time. Sometimes I just wish I had more courage to go and talk to other people. I’m just feeling alone right now, like no one cares about me and pretty much the only time I feel truly happy is when I’m writing. I just feel like I’m completely hopeless. Everyone always sees me as being this really shy girl. I just hate being labeled but it’s true. I’m so sorry I wasted your time but I just don’t feel like I have any place to turn to.
Feeling Down
A. Dear Feeling Down,
I appreciate you opening up to me. I remember going through the ups and downs of being a teenager. Sometimes it feels as if the world puts all its weight on your shoulders and gets heavier with each unfavorable event. As adults, we’ve all conquered obstacles and become who we are today. So remember that your growing pains during this time in temporary. Accept them and do the switch-a-roo on it to turn it into a more positive, evolving-you process.
I’ve written in the past, ‘YOU are the driver’, meaning you can always change the direction of where you’re going..where your life is turning. If you’re sick of how things are, you have the power to do something about it! Understand what’s weighing you down and unblock what’s holding you back from being happier. So don’t focus on the negative….don’t look at the bright side but DRIVE YOURSELF TO THE BRIGHT SIDE!
Here are ways to feel better about yourself:
1. Ask yourself for deeper understanding
a. When did you start feeling down? What’s causing it?
b. How come you feel as though you’re not good enough?
c. Did someone set-up this ‘good enough’ standard or is it yourself?
d. What can you do to feel like a winner?
2. TAKE ACTION! Do what makes you happy
If you don’t like the way things are, CHANGE IT! You always have the power to change yourself. If you don’t want people to think you’re shy, then be more social! People won’t know how great you are until you talk to them. Thank goodness for the internet, there’s tons of resources (including mine) of how to build your self-esteem. If writing makes you happy, then write more. If traveling makes you feel complete, then you know what you should do.
3. Appreciate your strengths
Don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve got great qualities! With a help of a close friend, write a list of all your great traits. A friend can always give you a perspective that you don’t necessarily see. Feel grateful and confident that you carry these qualities.
4. Laughter and inspiration
Go to a comedy club. Laughter is always a great remedy to feeling down. It releases chemicals in your brain to make you happy. Watch feel-good movies such as ‘Amelie’ and this video of, The Last Lecture.
5. Release those negative thoughts with deep breathing
Most of the time, people aren’t thinking about you that way. When you get negative thoughts, take a deep breath, fill your belly, inhale all the negative and exhale to release it from your body & mind. Remember, IT’S ALWAYS LOUDER IN YOUR HEAD.
6. Build good energy by exercising
I love going for a brisk walk on a trail or the treadmill when I’m feeling tense or down. The exercise will give you a good natural adrenaline rush and work in good energy. Plus, you can take this time to think through how you can improve the situation or your thoughts.
7. Do something good for someone weekly or daily
When have you ever done a positive thing or helped someone out and felt angry? Nopes. That’s because when you’re helping another person, you’re connecting with a soul and filling your heart & theirs with good energy.
8. Spend time with good people who make you feel good, especially people who motivate you
Loved ones, especially family members, are supportive and great people to share what you’re going through. Their past experience and understanding will help you with more clarity. Also, being around good energy is contagious. Like last night, when I had dinner with my girlfriends! We stuffed our faces with Vietnamese food and laughed about our stories for 3 hours.
9. Talk to a coach or a counselor/therapist
Most importantly, you should definitely reach out to a coach or therapist. They will help identify the root of your feelings and behaviors. Their trusting space will allow you to share everything that is on your mind and liberate your thoughts. A coach or therapist can offer a new perspective and plan so that you can become happier. It’s healthy to have a professional help you get to the next level.
If you would me to be your personal life coach, contact me (above). BY THE WAY, you have until midnight today to donate at least $5 for the chance to win an-hour coaching with me! The money goes to the Leukemia & Lyphoma Society! Donate here: abpubcrawl.com/vanae
Remember, you are the driver and you are ALL THAT. My close friend told me, “A preacher once said this simple thing, ‘You can be bitter. Or you can be grateful’. I choose to be grateful and wonderful.
So V’stars, What do you think? What do you do to make yourself feel better?
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What Do I think?
I totally understand where ‘Feeling Down’ is coming from. Life is most overwhelming right now in his/her life. There is no rule book or guideline as for “what to do next.” It seems like everything rides on college acceptance and the type of college you attend. Our world (psychologically and socially) glorifies the advantaged and discourages anyone that doesn’t fit that bill.
The TRUTH is college is not life’s deciding factor. Try and keep your head up ‘Feeling Down.’ It’s not so long ago that I was in a similar situation.
What do I do to make me feel better?
Truth is I’ve been in college for 2 years and attended 3 colleges so far.
The reason for this is because I LOVE to travel and experience life outside of the “expectations box”. The way I do this is I move around a lot, from one great adventure to the next. A new place nearly every 6 months.
I’ve been to an AMAZING trade school in TN. Then a community college just outside of Detroit, and now I’m attending a college in Northern Michigan. Life has given me the opportunity to find my nitch and “release” early on. As it has to you with writing. Stick with your strengths. Write your heart out!!! Maybe, apply to a smaller college and take up all your writing and english prerequisites . With my experience TRUST me when I tell you that a smaller college is like a University boot camp. After one or two semesters your confidence and transcripts can pretty much get you into ANY university, and you will be ready to take on shoulder load that a lot of students are intimidated of.
Best of luck to you and I hope things start to brighten up soon. As V said DRIVE YOURSELF TO THE BRIGHT SIDE. Good luck
locus, thanks for contributing the community and being able to relate to other V’stars.
it’s awesome. keep it up!
vanae
I’m currently in a terrible mood. I was dealt the “bad day” card a few days in a row. Instead of moping like I usually do (and sometimes just WANT to do) I drive myself to do something. I shut off the damn computer. Get pissed at the things that bring me down and say to myself “fuck you bad things! I’m just gonna carry on my life and do something fun” Fortunately (or unfortunately sometimes haha) I live on an island. I rarely go to the beach so when I get into these moods, I head to the beach and I just sit on the sand. Fresh air helps. I also like to go to the humane society. Its hard to stay mad or sad when you’re petting some really happy puppies or cuddling with some purring kittens. I also like to take long drives. I had a bad habit of listening to sad/mad music when I felt like crap, so I made a point to make a cd of music that I call “spirit guide.” May sound corny but it helps. Some of it is soft music like Patrick Watson – The Great Escape and Massive Attack – Protection that basically tell me to just let these things roll off my back and life is actually pretty good… and when I absolutely can’t handle anything really cliche happy things, I listen to harder music like PJ Harvey – 50Ft Queenie which drives me with power to overcome these obstacles with lyrics like “I’m one big queen, nothing can stop me.” Everyone’s got different methods. The challenge is finding out what’s good for you. I can’t exercise when I’m mad cause it makes me frustrated and more mad. I can’t go out and help people because I get depressed if my deeds go unrecognized, however selfish that may sound. Its just how it works with me. So! I’m gonna go shower. Make sure I feel squeaky clean and dress in some of my favorite clothes and get out of my house!
i love it! thanks for sharing your personal ‘getting over the ugly’
‘Feeling Down’, sharing helps
write (you did), talk to your friends, post on forums, vlog on youtube.
very good channels to express and liberate, clive.
your words are amazing v,
this post is just one of so many reasons why your so key to my project!
keep doin the incredible things you do to help and inspire so many out there
-j
thanks john. keep inspiring and breathing beauty into street life.
im glad to have your friendship, dear.
Vanae
I just feel like that girl (exactly) , and I think this post is one of the most amazing and imporant posts in ur site V !
i appreciate that shady!
Hey, I was exactly in the same position as you were almost all my life. The thing is this year, I took care of it. This year I turned 20 and I wanted this shy stuff to go away. It did. But I know it sounds so weird to say, but one of the first things I did was take a b vitamin for stress. And the thing is it actually helped a lot. I didn’t want to take any medication for depression or anything like that because I believe that everything makes us stronger and we should deal with our experiences. But anyways, when I took the b vitamin, I just felt like I could breath easier and be calmer and worry less. To be honest, that was my problem, I was worrying so much it affected everything I did. That is why I was shy. The answer is a lot of shy people are so worried about what people think but once you get used to not worrying so much it is way easier. I took the b vitamin in my first semester of my 2nd year of college and it helped. I actually acted like myself and didn’t care as much. Now I don’t really take it but I am used to opening up now to people. If I can get over this stupid shyness you can, I believe in you… As for what makes you happy.. like Vanae said go for what makes you truly happy.. I am almost 21 and Im learning more and more all the time, but one thing I have realized is that we are getting older and older, it is not like when we were kids and the only thing we worried about was school and friends and family… There is so much in life we should be grateful for, so find what really makes you happy. Find people that you can relate to well in some way and hold on to the moments in your life because we only have one life. Just be strong for yourself and you are worth it, believe that you are worth happiness.
Hey Feeling Down! Deff listen to Vanae’s advice- it’s rockin’! It might also help (and this sounds silly, but it works for me) to take a quick nap or get extra sleep. It seems rediculous, but it’s so hard to be mentally healthy unless your physically healthy, too. More rest might give you the extra boost to get your grades back up, as well
Good luck!
hey girl,
can you re-send your happy sticker photos? for some reason, i don’t see it in my inbox =(
ok, where to start. I have no game! and most of the time, i feel weird about approaching women.. i feel as if im going to interrup them or something. I dont think im a bad looking guy.. infact i actually think im just a lil above avg even though im a little “husky”. Im just built that way. well, lately ive been told that my “look” and not my looks are the problem. See, im at my best when i wear a suit and a collar shirt.. i usually get a lot of positive feed back.. however, i dont alway feel like dreesing “up”. so, im having a very, very very, bad time figuring out what i should dress like. Im not like one of my friends who looks good in hip hop cloth and ok in dress cloth.. i dont really carry the hip hop look, or a gangster swagger, and im to big to wear hollister and american eagle and loafer ext. i dont know its weird.. so that in retrospect affect my confidence. plus i hate the idea of rejection.. what should i say? hi, mm look at the weather? how are you? blah, blah.. plz help ive never had a gf.. and im about to push 28